Married my highschool sweetheart, 20 yrs with little sex, it's been 4 months now. She won't perform oral and is unexciting in the bedroom. I'm not looking to leave (kids at home). Am I wrong to want to explore outside the marriage?
2007-12-15 03:42:14 · 86 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, some people had some really nice advice. Let me add a few more facts, we dated for a real long time before getting married with no pre-marital sex. She was "saving herself" but in reality I think she was just frigid...but I waited and never pressured.
I haven't cheated in the 27+ yrs we've been together. I've tried talking about my needs to no avail and told her that I can't live on food alone. Her only response is, "if you cheat I'll take you for everything you have and the kids." Not exactly the adult conversation I was planning on. She just tells me sex is not "her thing" What am I supposed to do?
2007-12-15 05:11:50 · update #1
OK I am actually going to weigh in here with a serious answer--am a married woman. We have had our great times and not so great times. I was pretty overweight for a long time but expected unconditional love. To his credit, he never cheated that I know of, and I don't now want to know if he did. I lost 80 lbs. in the last 2 1/2 years and have really come to realize just how visual men are. It's not fair to do a "bait and switch" in your marriage--i.e. be one thing in the beginning and then change to something else. Man or woman. It sounds to me like your contract has been broken in a way. Sex is really important in a marriage and I am sad that you are considering going out on her, but I understand it. Whatever you end up doing, just be sure you will be able to live with yourself. What a struggle...maybe you should show her this post? I think I'd rather be knocked over that way (like before the fact) than have to deal with the pain upon finding out about the cheating. And to all of those people who say cheating is never acceptable, I say in theory Yes, but in reality, take a look at the situation and decide what would drive a person to even think about it in the first place. Everyone has a responsibility in a relationship. Thanks for letting me rant!
2007-12-15 03:54:27 · answer #1 · answered by Stacies Mom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's always okay for a married man to go to counseling (even if alone) but never okay to cheat. Without knowing it there may be things you can do to improve what it is you want in the marriage. You may find that eventually your wife will attend with you. I know if you haven't yet cheated you may not know the lives you hurt or destroy by cheating but it is a fact and if you think your marriage is bad now, just add cheating to the mix and watch the results.
2007-12-15 03:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by Marie Q 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a commitment made by both spouses. No matter what the deal you promised before GOD that you would stick by this woman for better or worst. Maybe you should try communicating with her about your feelings about the sex issues. Sometimes women don't know that its an important issue unless you express your concerns rationally and honestly. Besides if neither of you are happy in the relationship staying because of the kids will only cause you to do something that you may regret. I KNOW!!! : (
2007-12-15 03:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes you are not allowed to explore outside the marriage how about marriage counseling and if that doesn't work than you decide if you want to break up your family because you can only think of one thing if you do sleep around you will get a nasty disease or get the other woman pregnant such a nice scenario you better think of the consequences my friend because she will find out and take everything no more home limited visits with the kids alimony and child support you living like a poor person think about this i have seen this with people i know
2007-12-15 03:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you asking this because you want both of you to go outside the marriage? Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you tried an exam to determine if there is a hormone imbalance leading to less desire? When all of these are dealt with, then ask yourself how you want to be remembered by your kids - eventually everyone finds out. I hear your frustration, and know that twenty years is a wonderful accomplishment - and marriage goes through stages. Give yourself a chance to fix it and feel the happiness and personal success that you truly deserve. Happy holidays.
2007-12-15 03:50:55 · answer #5 · answered by roadrunner 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
so you knew about her lack of sex drive in highschool and still you married her? maybe its your fault that shes unexciting in the bed. ever think of that. also i bet she is like that becasue you press the issue of oral sex all the time and shes unmotivated and hurt inside. ever think she dont liek to do that? also she might have found someone else to float her boat and you are sexually unpleasing for her to look at in the sex department
yes your wrong remember your vows for better or worse? this includes everything dude. only 2 ways either divorce her or she dies (know its cruel to say but hey its the onyl other way thats it ok to cheat) a natural death or sickness or accident.
2007-12-15 04:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by Jecht 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel your pain, but you can't cheat, that will make things way worse. You need to tell her that you can't live this way, and if it continues it may end your marriage. She will listen. Get therapy, and focus on you quality of sex. Take her out for a few drinks, and give her a few orgasms. P.S. make sure that you do not cheat, because if she finds out and doesn't leave you will never have a sex life again.
2007-12-15 03:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never ok to cheat.You are unhappy. It happens. Obviously there is little communicaton going on. Consider talking to your wife about it, it takes 2 to make a marriage work and if you don't say why you are unhappy and try to fix the wrongs you won't ever be happy. Cheating will not make it better.
2007-12-15 03:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by Stina Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never cheat you took vows thats what marriage is i think most peoples sex life dies down after the new wears off you should not explore outside the marriage you should explore inside your marriage see if she wants to try new things i mean if you are bored chances are she is bored too if she is not into kinky try romance. some men just want to do it .. but women need to be worked up first.. but dont cheat .. you will get caught and it is way wrong to break your vows..
2007-12-15 04:18:34 · answer #9 · answered by des42407 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never okay to cheat - you need to work with "Highschool sweetheart" and find a solution that works and if it's separating, then so be it. The kids would be better off with divorced parents than married disfunctional ones.
2007-12-15 03:51:50 · answer #10 · answered by JVar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋