found out last saturday my wife had a one night stand with another guy?

Question

she is remorsefull and says she wont do it again, should i belive her or since i am a stay at home dad take the kids and leave

Answer 1

Oh boy...sorry to hear this man. What was the reason this happened? Is the marriage ok? I hope you don't blame yourself. Anyway, I'm sorry to say that I had a one night stand with a married woman about a month ago. I feel really bad about it and I hope I can forgive myself. I had just been dumped by my girlfriend because she met someone else. I was like **** it, I'm going to get laid and I don't care if she's married or not. Well, I succeeded. The woman felt bad about it and we agreed to never communicate again. I don't know if her husband found out but if he did, I feel bad for him.

Answer 2

It is all too soon to make any permanent decision; you are still in shock over it all. Know you don't believe her at this time and are in much pain. Think you must first really have a heart-to-heart discussion with her. She looked toward someone else for attention when she had you there all the time. Why did she do so? Usually it is because of the extra attention someone gives or the fact she felt desireable by someone else. But in the end, she did so because she was a real idiot. She could lose her entire family over momentary cheap thrills. Never is it worth it.
You must think if you can truly forgive her and that is only if she is showing you in her every action and deed that she means what she said. It will take much time and understanding on both your parts, but you can rebuild the trust again. Throw away the ego; it only gets in the way; what you must concentrate on is the love you have for her; that she has for you and be willing to put the past in the past and move forward. We are only human and all get tempted; some are stronger than others. I bet she will never do such a thing again; she now sees what pain and guilt and remorse it has caused her, let alone the destruction of trust you had for her.

Give it some time; her actions will speak louder than any words that pour from her mouth. Start healing from the pain and when your mind is clearer, you will know what is the right thing for you to do.

Answer 3

Hi,
I can understand what emotions you might have now and how much you must be feeling bad of yourself. But listen, at times, we have to face things boldly and take charge of life.
First let us look at this incident. She is remorseful about the incident, but, what do you feel? Have you forgiven her? Forget about stay at home dad tag, beyond all such things, have you forgiven her? If you have only we need to think further. Or else, the answer is clear.
Assuming you forgave her for this particular incident, you need to find whether she has done it ever earlier. How did you come to know of this incident? Did you see it or did you hear about it from someone or did you overhear she referring to it? Think whether she could have done it earlier also. Ask her with the information you get from your analysis. If she has not done it earlier at all, then take a promise from her, find with whom who she did it, find why she did it, was it situational or did something else drive her into it, find a solution for that issue, tell her to keep lesser close relation with that guy, make her undergo some medical test to avoid diseases or pregnancy, and then, with all the goodness in your heart, try to live a good life with her.
Everyone makes mistakes. If you love her, if you can forgive her, probably you can get a better more trustworthy wife. And you will have all the current benefits also.
But if she says she did it because you could not satisfy her or she wanted some better men, then you need to face the reality and see how best you could address those. You can try counselling only if both of you want it. But if solutions are not possible, then you need to move on. If she has done it earlier also, you need to move on.
Think well and arrive at a good solution. Marriages are not things you can throw away for one mistake or too fast. Please make sure all this dont affect your kids. And also that you dont get into blamegames or abuses whatever happens. That will put you into more stress and worries. Take care of yourself. Dont get depressed. See, only people who are above commoners can forgive. Take care, decide well.
Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year to You and Family..

Answer 4

okay, this may not be her first time (although she may say it is). And NO WAY would I just trust her at her word that "oh no, I won't do it again". If she means it, she will prove it and it takes time to establish trust again in a relationship.

Personally, I think you all should go to counseling. See if there is more to the infidelity than just a one-time thing. Get to the root of WHY she did it in the first place (because, as you know, stripping off one's clothes and getting into bed with someone is not just an "oops, I slipped and fell" kind of action. One who cheats has deliberate intent and you need to find out why she thought this was acceptable behavior and chose to engage in it).

Also, see how to work to salvage the relationship and try doing that, for the sake of your kids.

I've divorced and can tell you from experience that I wish we had stayed in the counseling and just kept trying to work through our differences. Divorce is sooooo hard on kids.

Answer 5

Love is about the thick and thin. Now some say once a cheater always a cheater.Ask yourserlf if you truly believe she is sorry. If you do then great, you love her dearly. If you feel she will only do it again then you have a decision to make.

Don't go on with this relationship if you already know in your heart that you despise her for it. It will only make matters worse for the situation and the kids. Some thing you can't seal with a "sorry." The choice is yours, how do YOU feel. Are you willing to work it out or do you fear it would happen again?

Answer 6

situations like this are never easy. i think what it really comes down to is how much you believe what she's said. if you feel she really is sorry and won't do it again, can you forgive what's happened and move on? if so, awesome! i would suggest getting some counseling, for you by yourself and for both of you as a couple. having a 3rd party to talk to about what's going on while you both rebuild what's been torn down will be very beneficial. if you don't think that's something you'll be able to do, i would recommend leaving because staying with her and resenting her for what happened won't do you, her, or your children any good. on the other hand, if you feel she's only sorry because you know what happened and feel she may do it again, then the best course for you may be to go your separate ways.

Answer 7

Its clear your wife has little respect for herself and absolutely none for you. The marriage is over. The fact that you have allowed all these things to go on has taught your wife that you are willing to put up with her cheating ways. By the way 10 years or not she doesn't love you. You don't hurt the people you love. Cut your loses and find a woman that will love you the way you deserve to be love. And remember its okay to be single. You need to find out whats going on inside you that would allow you to put up with such behavior. Don't waste another day of your life loving someone that doesn't love you. Love should never hurt..

Answer 8

I guess if you are a "stay at home" Dad you don't have much choice but to stay. You are in the same situation as the "stay at home" Mom when she finds out her husband is cheating on her. She is probably selfish and controlling....that is why you are at home with the kids. You know it. I guess the best thing would be to talk with her. Find out if it has happened other times. Good luck.

Answer 9

Infidelity is a sign there is something wrong or missing in the relationship. Leaving at this point would only disrupt the life of the kids involved. It will ultimately up to you and your wife to discuss what caused her to do what she did and decide if you can fix what's wrong or missing from the relationship before you can decide to stay together.

Answer 10

OK, big problems in the household to deal with. If she's looking for sex elsewhere, you need to ask yourself why. Head straight for the marriage counselor or family clergy and figure out what's going wrong with you two. Don't split up the family unless you've done everything possible to fix the problems. If, after you've both talked it out, applied some fixes, and she's still is unfaithful, then it's time to think about divorce.