My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship,she is 10 now. We've been together since she was 2. When her mother feels it's necessary, she will throw in comments about me being a beaner or just plain call me a Mexican when she's talking to my husband. I am 1/4 mexican & carried the last name. I have the fairest skin for a person who has mexican in them. I AM SO PROUD OF WHERE MY FAMILY COMES FROM. I've never dealt with racism except from her. How do others handle this?
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My question is - I refuse to have involvement with this person - I don't talk to her. I don't have to b/c my husband makes arrangements w/her. This problem has caused me to not even want anything to do with my stepdaughter, because she is 1/2 of her mother. I'm questioning if my marriage is worth me getting hurt by this, I don't have to live like this and I feel like if I said goodbye, I won't have this woman in my life ever again..I'd be so relieved!
PS my husband and I have 2 children together.
2007-12-15 02:53:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is PWT???
2007-12-15 03:02:18 · update #1
The 1000 characters was not enough room to explain my whole situation. I do love my stepdaughter, and I know that it is wrong to feel this way. I do treat her very well, like my own, when she is with us and don't ever talk about her mother. She knows how her mother is, she expresses it to her father. I've had difficulties with this for so long and I've really come a long way about being a better person. We do have a good relationship. I know she's been hurt by things her mother says about my husband and I. I do think she tries to please both sides because she doesn't want anyone to be hurt. She's is the middle, not me - I know this.
One instance happened last night and it really threw me for a loop because it hadn't happened for a long time. I love my husband and my kids and the last thing I want to do is split up my family. I am mature and know right from wrong.
2007-12-15 03:13:07 · update #2
All of your answers are seriously helping me with this.. I refuse to give her the power to hurt me (thank you az_mommm!) I'm mad because I have let it hurt me. Nothing this woman says will affect me...these are words and words only. In the past, I'd either call and confront her - or shoot her an email letting her know how I feel - this time - I'm not giving in and letting her know that I was upset, that's what she wants. The only person she is hurting is her daughter, I know her daughter heard what she called me on the phone last night..shame on her for acting this way.
this is the great thing about yahoo answers...complete strangers giving you advice and words of wisdom that can help you tremendously in dealing with life situations. Thank you all.
2007-12-15 03:33:43 · update #3
Oh by the way, I'm proud of my heritage! :)
2007-12-15 03:34:51 · update #4
You married him...if he is not calling you those names then let it go...she is just angry and jealous of you...do not punish the child...you don't have to deal with her...and if she is white you can always call her PWT...LOL..that is a real insult to them...
2007-12-15 02:59:53 · answer #1 · answered by safiyafadil 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you would destroy your own kid's lives, tear their family apart, just to get away from this woman? That is crazy, marriage is for life honey,not just until you get tired of it and the stress of it.
You married your husband knowing he had an ex and a child with her. I am appalled that you would ignore your step daughter because of how her mom behaves. You could be teaching her to love others no matter what, but instead you are teaching her that it's okay to hate someone for stupid reasons. Just as her mom hates you for reasons you cannot control... you are hating his child for reasons she cannot control.
Sounds like you are the pot calling the kettle black. You don't understand why this woman dislikes you so much and his daughter probably doesn't understand why you treat her differently. Don't be a hypocrite.
Grow up and stop giving this woman the power to hurt you. Words are words... they only hurt if you let them and you are letting this drama control your life. Stop buying into her games and focus on your family and on teaching them to never behave like that woman does.. and that includes your step daughter.
2007-12-15 03:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not have to deal with this woman at all, and hopefully your husband stands up to her for you and tells her how awful she is when she berates you like that. As for your stepdaughter she can't help who her mom is......give her another chance she is just a child make sure you continue to teach her about diversity and acceptance of all types of people. You should be proud of your heritage . Your marriage is worth so much more than this woman. It seems as if you walked away from your marriage it is almost like she wins! I'm sure there is insecurity and jealousy on her part. Just remember her ex LOVES YOU NOT HER!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-15 03:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by jennifer w 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to remember you husband "Xs" is trying to cause you trouble. Stay a way fro the X. when the step child gets older she will see her mother the way she is. As long as you keep your man happy that is all that matters. the step child will see this. Just keep your distance from her. If you leave your husband it will cause you more problems than you Will know. I don not like to say this but you may have to have a show down with her. but I think it is bettter you stay away and tell you husbend if the X saids any thing to keep it to him self. Let him pick the child up and stay away.
2007-12-15 03:13:08 · answer #4 · answered by tadm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At the same time, you realize wholeheartedly that nothing the mother says has anything to do with the child, so you know she isn't in anyway responsible. So, why should she pay for her mother's trangressions (and what if that was her mother's intention all along, bullying you into back off?) It's kind of silly playing into her hands, isn't it?
2007-12-15 03:04:11 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-27 02:21:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋