I haven't seen him in 13 years. When I met my first boyfriend (who was black) That entire side of the family disowned me (including my father) I since then have had a child of mixed decent. (in the obituary they did not claim her nor my sisters baby who is also mixed) My mom says I should go pay my respects to my grandmother and go to the funeral (I definetely don't wanna go to funeral because I think that is kinda hypocritical and my father will be there who abused me) In a way I do wanna go see her but I am confused. they did disown me and have made no attempt to see me or my child. When I was a young girl we were very close and I still love both of them to this day. I need opinions on how this situation should be handled. I have always been the one to say why after someone dies do people want to reconnect....shouldn't a reunion be before a death and not after?? Help please
2007-12-15 01:13:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Good question!!!
Personally I myself don't want a funeral of any kind as I just don't like the idea of people I haven't seen in years coming out the woodwork to mourn my passing. People who feel obligated and are miserable even at the thought. I say do what you feel is in your heart. If you don't feel like going, you can still pay your respects your own way in your own time. I am so sorry about the racial conflict. It is really childish, I know, but some folks come from the old days and are just set in their ways. Nothing anyone can do about that. How close were you & your grandfather? You should try & talk this out before hand with either you mother, grandmother or another relative who may be more on your side or neutral, but definitely don't go if you're that dead set against it. Think it out well enough so you have no regrets, but it's your life & I say go with your instincts & don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for doing so!
GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-12-15 11:47:56 · answer #1 · answered by Cheripie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a lot of emotional trauma for you! Separate the issues here: the reactions of unhealthy relatives who are now wracked with grief (which tends to make people a little crazy anyway) - and how you are going to feel five years from now if you don't go today. This is about you and your relationship with your grandfather and his passing. Yes, it's true that, as John Edwards says, communicate, appreciate and validate the people you love today so that you won't have any regrets tomorrow - but then, when people go (and people do go), you need to do your own grief work. This is nobody else's business. Only yours. What do you want to teach your child about grief and family? Don't let them do the teaching for you. Decide for yourself what you believe, and then act accordingly.
2007-12-15 15:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by geminiwalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should pay respect to the Grandfather you loved. That has nothing to do with your father, don't speak a word to him, if he wants to reconnect with you, let him be the one to break the wall he built.
This is the last time for the rest of your life that you'll be able to see your grandpa, you should think about that.
Your relationship with your dad has nothing to do with your relationship with your grandpa.
Do the right thing, let your father be the one who makes the mistakes.
2007-12-15 01:26:54 · answer #3 · answered by hailey998 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry your grandfather died without you getting to be with him but choices have consequences and many in your family are now reaping a bitter harvest. If I were you, I would go to the funeral because it will give you a chance to say goodbye to your grandfather. Go for HIM and for YOU. You do not need to socialize with those who treated you badly. There are a lot of people who need to step up and apologize for the way they treated you but don't expect them to. Where you sit at the funeral is up to you. You don't need to sit with the family if you're not comfortable with that. You are there for your grandfather. Be the bigger person; maintain your dignity. Let them wallow in their misery of knowing they treated you poorly.
2007-12-15 01:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, U should so go, and bring ur baby to see your DAD u don't have to talk to anyone when the funeral is over then leave Or u can just go say hi to your family, I mean a one word Hi when u pass the and just go home it is just to respect ur grandpa to respect the dead that is why u really should go.....
2007-12-15 01:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by goth punk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think if you want to go to your grandmothers funeral then follow your heart. dont let them stand in the way people who have problems with people date have children from differnt race or stupid so again follow your heart you sound like a smart and wonderful person hold your head high maybe ask your mom and sister to go with you
2007-12-15 01:19:36 · answer #6 · answered by allison b 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go pay your respects and leave nothing says that you have to reconnect with the family, but go for yourself after all you are not the one that held the grudge on the family they held it on u.
2007-12-15 01:21:38 · answer #7 · answered by big-tdl81 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go to founal and give visite to your garandfuther garfe and then speak with your mother and then who more kind and then let your mother with you when futher and say to your father it is my life and i love both and i do not want make blood to be water and very eaxterm slow speacial with your father .same me i hyave problme with my parnets speacial with my father and phone them before go to founal just phone and take them very slow .good luck
2007-12-15 01:22:38 · answer #8 · answered by yaser k 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to Laugh
Why the hell is this in friends hahahahahahahaa!
2007-12-15 01:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋