My husband and I are about to seperate, we have had many ups and downs especially over the last year and there have now been violent incidents (between both of us I may add not just one sided) although I have come out worse.
My husband wants residency of the children and has threatened to get me made out to be a fruitcake in court etc so I am worried about taking him to court over this issue (he has also told me he will kill me before I take the kids in the heat of an argument)
I have decided that we should split the time we have with the children 50 50. I have found a house around the corner which is 2 minutes walk from this house that I am prepared to move to and my children will be with me for half the time and with him the other half. In essence it sounds perfect but I am wondering what your opinion is of it actually succeeding?
I am moving out because it serves as the easiest and most hassle free thing for our children if I started proceedings to make him it would end up.
2007-12-14 21:22:03 · 12 answers · asked by Yoga Wifey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
up making an already bad situation worse for our little ones. I have had ppl say to me however that they feel he only wants the children to stay in our nice house (rented) and for the money it will bring to him. He doesn't work and I do so he has no income to move anywhere anyway.
The way I see it is by splitting childcare half and half that we are doing the best thing for our 4 and 2 yr old because the rows and incidents will end with me not being in the house anymore.
Am I doing the right thing? PPl are always saying you must do what is best for the children and I feel that I am trying to do that. Their father is no threat to them he adores them and I feel that being as we are both their parents they deserve to see us both equally.
HELP I am not feeling too great at the minute with the seperation let alone doing the right thing
Thanks
2007-12-14 21:25:14 · update #1
Well, I don't know much about the legal side of things, but I would say that it would be the best thing to remove yourself and your children from this dysfunctional situation as soon as possible.
I think the 50-50 idea is a good one, and perfectly reasonable. Living so close would be good for the children's sake, and at least you will have your own place away from your ex.
Hopefully he will try and do what is best for his children, and not be vindictive. I agree with the other poster that you should consult and good lawyer soon and file for divorce citing what you've been through.
You sound like a good mum who's trying to make the best of this really bad situation. I hope it works out alright for you and your kids. Good luck x
2007-12-14 21:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by Clare 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a caring and loving mother you will always do what you think is right for your children, and if your current plans don't go well, I am sure you will rethink and revise and amend accordingly.
I must say that courts do generally favour the mother for residency for children at this age, but obviously your husband has a right to see them. Also the fact that you work and can provide will help you, as how can your husband provide for them without the government paying if he has no job.
I wish you luck . I think it takes a very special and brave woman to take these steps. I wonder why your husband, having agreed the split with you, cannot help to restore harmony and help to make this transition easier for the sake of the children.
2007-12-15 02:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure he would be fine with the children often sadly the case is that when he becomes violent to you he will eventually become violent to the kids especially when the kids play up and work their ticket. i would move out in a different area claim custody and allow him to have supervised access this way he still sees the children and you get the care as it sounds like he wont be able to support like yourself you are doing well fr yourself and the kids dont worry too much everything will into place eventually and you will be happy put yourself and the kids first you wont be selfish you will be defending your children you have already made a right move as you have seperated due to violence between you both as this is not a good scene for children well done keep up the good work
2007-12-14 22:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good attorney, why should you have to support his lazy butt cause he wants to stay at home. I would leave and take my children with me. You will have to make the right decisions for you and your family. From the way your question reads you need to be real careful when it comes to support and maintenance. The way i see it is you are not obligated to him. You seem to be forgetting that if you control the money you control the situation. Without you and your paycheck where would he be? Think about things, don't make any rash decisions, talk to a friend, family, but most importantly an attorney.
2007-12-14 23:30:30 · answer #4 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing you need to do is see a solicitor: to make the separation legal & to have it on record that your life has been threatened. he sounds like a bully. you are bending over backwards to make the split as painless for all as possible, while he can only make threats. get all the support you can, even social services. the court will appoint a welfare officer who will see for him/herself that you're not a fruitcake & are trying your best. don't let his bullying threats get you down & don't let him win on this. if you give in now you'll regret it for the rest of your life. good luck to you & i hope you have a good Christmas. diane.
2007-12-15 01:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by diquarry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't work and have no kind of in-come to speak of then how in the world will he take care of the kids 50 % of the time. Your husband threatened to kill you if you try to take his kids away from him. He is a dangerous man and you shouldn't allow him to be alone with your kids in my opinion.
2007-12-14 21:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a good attorney, as he will go for full custody, as his agenda is not to have to work or pay child support. u need to find out your rights, and document every threat, as u may have to use it against him in court. whatever u work out will not suite him, he will not be fair to u no matter what. don't wait till he files, file at the same time or before he does, tell the courts about his violence.
2007-12-14 21:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you are being very grown up about the whole situation,and he sounds lucky to have a woman that is prepared to move to make his life easier. i would still involve a lawyer, so that he can not try any funny business..
and yes you are doing a good thing for your children... good luck
2007-12-14 21:31:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Slim to None. Women will not be drafted. Just men and everyone that volunteers will be able to join the Armed Forces of the USA, which does include women.
2016-04-09 04:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds kind of controling and if you move around the corner you can count on him messing with your life. If he doesn't have a job, unless you are a drug addict or child molester he doesn't have much chance of getting the kids.
2007-12-14 23:14:47 · answer #10 · answered by Doc Phil 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋