Been together for 10 years, had our fair share of turmoil, like most. But things were so good recently.To show him how much I appreciated him/us, I got him everything he wanted for Chanukah. + I got together with family members in secret and purchased a gift certificate for his lifelong dream. SKYDIVING. He was thrilled!
Night 1, 2, 3, 4 go by, and nite after nite I get nothing from him. Finally night 8 is upon us, and late that eve he admits that he's gotten nothing for me. I love giving gifts, and I know that's what it's all about. But man, my heart sank because I only asked for one thing (a juicer). I even told him if we didn't have that in our budget just to get me some cute/inexpensive pajamas. He did neither. We spent a good deal on the kids; I see where he might not have been able to go all out for me. Thing is, he did this to me last year, too. I want to forgive. But my feelings are so hurt. I feel unimportant. Seems when things feel good, he does this. W/so many things. Wtf?
2007-12-14 20:11:13 · 8 answers · asked by Misty P. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have every right to feel hurt, upset and confused. You need to find a quiet appropriate moment to sit down and explain that you feel hurt when special occasions are overlooked. Try to talk to him without blaming. If you dont get a resolution from that maybe you should seek out a marraige counselor that you both would feel comfortable seeing.
2007-12-14 20:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by Rebecca V 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Guys seem to be really self-centered, I believe generally they are (I am a guy too). On top of that, they seem to be totally clueless about common sense relationship stuff. It is not an excuse, I don't blame you for feeling upset and bad, but in general guys can be very self-centered, and add problem to problem, clueless.
Advice on forgiveness, that is tough. With Jesus it is possible because God is love, and through the love of God, we can forgive even when people don't deserve it, because of what Jesus did for us. But apart from that, it can be hard to find the motivation -- hey, it is great you are sticking it out and working so hard to make it work.
You have already forgiven him probably many times already with the hope that he will respond to that love, but he hasn't, or at least it only lasts a short time -- doesn't seem to stick. This can be tough.
A possibility.... I know that women, rightly so, don't want to tell their man straight out things, because if you have to tell them, it just seems that when they do respond it is not genuine. But if you communicate with him about this, it could help, he may just be totally clueless of how selfish he is. Don't necessarily tell him directly, because he will probably get mad, and defensive, but you probably need to be more direct than you are.
2007-12-14 22:13:13 · answer #2 · answered by str8_op 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Welcome to reality and marriage. You should have learned the facts of life before you got married:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-15 01:09:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't blame you one little bit for being angry at him and there is no excuse why he couldn't get you something. I understand alot of men don't like to go out shopping but now with computers they don't have to. Your husband could have ordered something on-line and it would have been delivered right to your door. One year he can forget to buy you something but two years in a row that tells me he doesn't care about your feelings and your not that important to him. He had 7 nights where he could have gone out to a store and bought you a present but he chose not to bother with it. If he had no money to buy you something then he should have told you that instead of letting you think he didn't care. I'm sorry but it does sound like he didn't care what you thought. If i were you i would have a very serious talk with him about his feelings towards me and how hurt you have been for the past couple of years over what he has done. Most men if you don't come right out and tell them word for word what the problem is they haven't a clue.
2007-12-14 21:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
this i why men and women cheat your at that stage where if things dont change real soon then its just a metter of time one goes the other way, as women we need attention and all thast follows just like whene at the beggining we like getting purued wooed and spoilt and had all the attention, when this is lost we want it, speak to him tell him what you want if he doesnt change it could be time to move on, be free to live your life and find love and happiness, it happens to more people than you think
2007-12-14 20:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I..ah..umm...I don't know what to say, except I am sorry for that happening to you and ummm...Happy Holidays (ummm..does not seem appropriate to say that with the question, but it is the holidays after all).
2007-12-14 20:38:26 · answer #6 · answered by lmspencr 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men don't like shopping..don't blame him but try to ask him money & tell him that you wnat to buy something if he gives money to u then he really loves u. if not find out why is he like that..........
2007-12-14 20:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by Kaaran 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Forgive him for seeing things differently to you?
2007-12-14 20:16:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋