im 17 and 35 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left me. my friend tanner who ive know since i was like 5 wants to be the father for my child. the only prblem is that my exbf probally wont let him be the legal father. so should i let my bf be the father or should i not?
2007-12-14 17:47:56 · 28 answers · asked by Lindsey 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
He can probably play the role of dad, but your ex is still the biological father and if he doesn't want to sign rights away, then your new boyfriend can't legally be the father.
Does your ex want nothing to do with your baby or just you? If it's the baby, then I can see getting upset. However, I see a lot of girls wanting nothing to do with their baby's fathers because they broke up.
2007-12-14 17:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anthony's Mommy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
ouch. this is a tricky one. first of all is the break up permanent? you need to think of your baby first and foremost and realize that s/he will probably want to meet her/his father once s/he is older. is the father a good guy? any anger problems? violence? unreliable? if hes a good guy and wants to be a part of the babys life then i wouldnt cut him out. the baby deserves a father as long as hes a good guy..
now ur friend. r u 2 together or just friends or what? he may very well just be saying hell be the father because he wants to make u feel better when ur telling him everything thats going on. him helping you out is great, but being the father is a much bigger step. you have to realize in the long run if he is just a friend that his gfs wont like the idea of him being the father of a baby that isnt his. as well as guys ur in relationships with in the future. it can cause some complications in the long run.
id say let the friend off the hook. tell him youd appreciate his help and an uncle would be great, but father is a bit much. you already know my opinion about the real father. do you have a lot of help from your parents or anything? im a new mom too so if you have any questions or need any help feel free to msg me.
2007-12-14 18:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he left you, that means he doesn't want any parental rights. The moment he gives up those rights and decides not to pay child support means that he has no right to see the child. As far as your friend Tanner is concerned, go slow. If you decide to marry him that is one thing, but don't do it for the baby's name sake. Once Tanner's name is on the birth certificate, he will be financially responsible. A while later down the road and he decides not to, he's on the hook. But Tanner should be married for love, not because he feels sorry for you and trying to get you out of a pickle. Let time decide. In the mean time, let your baby have your maiden name.
2007-12-14 17:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow 17. I don't know how old Tanner is, I'm assuming your age. Your first and foremost concern now is your baby. If Tanner wants to be around, support you emotionally and be a father "figure", great. But give it time, you can't have your child end up calling multiple men "dad". If he cares for you, he will stick around, and whether you end up in relationship with him or not, he will always be a father figure and a friend.
One word of advice, do not shut your child out from knowing their biological father. Especially if he wants a relationship with his child. Not only will it backfire on you, it isn't fair to your child. Always think of your baby first. If he doesn't want anything to do with your/his baby, he still should financially support his baby.
Good Luck
2007-12-14 18:06:06 · answer #4 · answered by Carol T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should be the father figured.The baby needs a father figure. Your 17 and your friend tanner should be. You and him should raise the child together. It will be easier on you. It will be easier on the child as well because the child will have a father figure in thier life not just a mother figure.
2007-12-14 17:53:46 · answer #5 · answered by Caitlin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is one of those life situations that could have an impact on the rest of you and your baby's life. So be thoughtful, prayerful, and follow not only your heart, but your common sense. It's not fair that the bio dad does not want to be there, but has the nerve to not want anyone else to step up to fill his shoes. I believe that comes not from selfishness, but his feelings of inadequacy. He simply doesn't want to see some other man give his child the happiness and love that he couldn't give - & do it a hell of a lot better. Tell him to get over feeling sorry for himself, but if he can't than at least be the bigger man and let go so that his son does know love. Don't forget as so many lost mothers out there have...... it's your #1 job on this planet to protect and nurture that child, whether he has a male influence in his life or not. He may not have many good men to look up to, but make sure that any man brought into his life is quality. Oh yeah, Ladies, please check the web, national & your local resources for child sex offenders. They are everywhere searching for single mothers to put their total trust into so that they could get next to your child!
2007-12-14 19:25:52 · answer #6 · answered by Momo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well legally your ex is the father and the birth certificate should say so....this way you can get child support from him even if he doesnt want to be in the child's life....and there is a difference in being the father and being a dad....if your friend wants to be the acting dad in this childs life BC the real father doesnt want to be then go for it. All children need to have both a male and female role model in their life and if your ex doesnt then let your friend do it....but your ex needs to be on the birth certificate.
2007-12-14 17:56:43 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Leela's Mommy♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your emotions and hormones are all over the place at the moment. Don't make any rash decisions. Wait til you have the baby and things settle down a bit. Spend some time with Tanner and the baby once it is born, and see how things slowly develop. He sounds like a good man that obviously cares for you and men like that are hard to find.
Lots of luck to you.
2007-12-14 17:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 your 17 so you shouldn't be in "Grown-up" drama and situations like that. 2 If your friend wants to be there and your bf doesn't then let him...but its always later that the bf wants to pop-up and appear all of a sudden when the child is like 10 years old and wants to play dad. Just do what you think you should
2007-12-14 17:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by NEveR ThE LesS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what??? you should "try" to find a great guy that will love and care for your child just as much as you do, some one that wont be partial because the kid isn't his blood, and when your baby grows up he or she will decide on there own who has been the real father, you don't need legal paper to prove to your child who's been more of a father to him or her. they will know, and as for your ex i would let him keep the legal title of "Father" to your child, just because you guys split doesn't mean he has to give up the responsibility of being a father, he helped create that child and he can help support it too
2007-12-14 18:03:04 · answer #10 · answered by aeytei 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋