I have a fiance that is, to say the least, selfish. We have 2 kids together, and he always leaves me with them while he goes out to the bar with friends, but I am not allowed to go out. He won't admit to cheating, but I think that he has. He used to be addicted to drugs and he would stay gone all night and not answer his phone. Sometimes, he would say that he was going to the gas station, and I would not see him until the next day. One time, he disappeared for 3 days! Also, he doesn't have a job right now and we have to live with my brother. I just had my daughter, and yet, I am the one desperately looking for a job. We don't even have a car! He doesn't even go to bed until 4 or 4:30am and doesn't wake up until like 3pm. He isn't even worried about supporting our children...I know I need to leave him, but I love him....sometimes. What should I do?
2007-12-14 17:26:10 · 21 answers · asked by Amber D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would have been gone a long time ago...
2007-12-14 17:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt this guy was a loser BEFORE you hooked up with him, but you did anyway. Let me guess...you thought that maybe if he saw how much you cared about him, OR, if he had kids, he would CHANGE, right?? Somehow the fog would magically lift off his head and he would see the light??
NOPE! Now, he is a loser with a girlfriend AND 2 kids! Now YOU and those poor kids get to be losers WITH him!! ARE you having FUN YET?
I really do not care to hear about his lack of responsibility - that is typical of a drug accident drunk with no job. NOTHING you do will change that - it sure hasn't yet and it isn't likely any time soon! You think you "love" this guy? What is it that you find lovable - his money? car? his trustworthiness? his loyalty? the nice house he provides for you? the bullsh** he feeds you when you get mad? You do not love him - you love what you IMAGINE he could someday turn in to - IF....
What you SHOULD do, is stop making babies, find a place you can stay - THEN get a good job and take care of those kids as best you can. Don't bother counting on him for anything - he is a LOO SER!!
2007-12-15 01:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave him. He is selfish and you deserve better. So do your children. Do not let them grow up like this. He does not have a job and you live with someone else yet he has money to go to the bar with friends? Love yourself and your children more and tell him to get out.
2007-12-15 03:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt---you already KNOW the answer to this question. You don't need confirmation or affirmation from strangers.
You start thinking about them kids and don't worry about your heart. You do what's best for them and yourself. This relationship is TOXIC. He don't want a woman, he wants a mama to take care of him and let him do what he wants. That's NOT a man, and certainly not a father. He's a wuss.
Clean the boot marks off your back and get yourself and the kids gone.
2007-12-15 02:10:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you need to leave him, then you need to just do it. He is not improving your life one bit, if anything, he's probably making it worse. If you think he'll get better after you guys get married, you're only kidding yourself, he'll be the same, or worse. I think you already know you can't build a lifelong relationship with this guy, so why spend anymore time with him? You sound like you'd be better off on your own, at least there would be 1 less person you'd have to provide for, right?
Good luck!
2007-12-15 01:32:36 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look deep into your heart...what do you honestly feel you should do? from personal experience with someone who wouldn't come home one night, two nights, 16 nights....I had to realize that I have to protect myself and my heart. It is different as you share children together. But life goes too quickly. And your babies don't need to see you going through the pain that their father is inflicting on you. Do what you feel is best for you and the kids. You can be strong by yourself if necessary. Be strong love. Think of a better future for you and the kids. Not only is it imperative that you have a safe environment for the kids to grown up in physically, but mentally as well.
Best of luck.
2007-12-15 01:46:05 · answer #6 · answered by girlmaria84 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay. Remove yourself from the situation for just a second. Pretend that your best friend is sitting there and telling you and asking you exactly what you wrote. Read it as a third person and it is your best friend going through this. What would you tell her or say to her?
You would tell her to leave, right? And why? Because you would know she deserves much better than this. Don't you think you do?
I would be willing to bet you deserve better than this...best wishes!
2007-12-15 02:13:51 · answer #7 · answered by 2008girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHY WE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH CHILDREN OR OTHERWISE KNOWN AS WE ONLY HAVE CHILDREN ONCE WE ARE MARRIED AND MARRIED TO AN ADULT. now that i have that off my chest, it sounds like your man might be addicted to crack or cocaine, my ex husband acted exactly like this and he was addicted to crack, and that is why he is an ex who has had his visitation right suspended because of his erradic behavior and illegal activities, girl it is time to go and get rid of this dead weight around your neck and if you love your kids this is non negotable as the marriage counsler i tried to employ told me that he would counsel me but not him until he was clean as the only thing that would be talking is the drug, they say or do whatever they think will get them by, by ex had his visitation removed almost 7 years ago, and all he had to do was go for drug treatment, and do random drug tests and he has yet to comply as he feels he should not have to do that to see his children, even though he took his youngest around with him to collect drug money, GET OUT NOW AND PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN, and don't forget to get tested now and again in 6 months, as crack makes them horny and even if it isn't crack you have no idea where his little tallywacker has been and you could already be infected, please do this not only for your kids but for you too you don't need to be dragged down by this scum
2007-12-15 01:46:36 · answer #8 · answered by Dale T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you - if he did he would be doing the things you say he is not doing. How can you love someone who doesn't love you back, respect you, takes advantage of you etc. You have to get the back bone to leave him. Your brother will kick you both out some day soon. He is probably tired of supporting both of you.
2007-12-15 01:36:27 · answer #9 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may love him. but is that the person you want helping raise your children. look, i have a 5 year old son, so i know the responsibilities of a parent. he is not ready to get married and not fit to be a husband or a father. you should find someone who cares about you and your children and who will put those responsibilities ahead of what he wants.
2007-12-15 01:50:25 · answer #10 · answered by Brian D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It comes down to this: If you like being treated this way, stay with him. He is not going to suddenly become less selfish now that he has gotten away with this kind of behavior, so you can expect this to continue, and to get worse. If you don't like being treated like this, leave him. You can't fix him, so if you want to be treated better, you will have to stop being with him. Then maybe someone who will treat you right will come along.
2007-12-15 01:45:35 · answer #11 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋