I have asked my husband several times to not look at porn, his first response was he didn't think it bothered me, he said he would stop since it does, I was thankful for his concern and trusted that he would quite. Time and time again, however,I have discovered that he still does, he says he doesn't have a problem with quiting but yet he continues after I have asked him to stop. We have had several conversations about it and swears that he doesn't do it anymore, but I discovered today that he is registered to the playboy site. What is going on? How do I deal with this?
2007-12-14 15:54:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Theres a differnce between adiction and just looking at it once and awhile a few times a week isn't that big of a deal. If he can't stop doing it because it bothers you then thats bad. but look at it this way...... Are you two having sex once a week? Some men need sex to feel close to there lover at least once a week. If you two arn't then hes possibley pleasing him self. He may feel like he dosn't want to bother you if your tyered or maybe hes tyered of making the first move to make love. Try spiceing things up and have date night or try different sexual things with him maybe something he likes to do and you like to do to taking turns. If he dosn't stop or slow down with the looking at porn then i would say he has a problem and he needs to go to councling for it and get some help. If your willing to stay with him while he goes through it then your a wounderful person. Good luck hun.
2007-12-14 16:27:21 · answer #1 · answered by Bluemomma 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a man and some men most men are pigs, how long have you been together, is the sex life good do you all role play, put excitement back in the bed room it may help if not he could be hooked or maybe not happy, I looked at porn my wife did not like it, I stopped I used it for excitement, we stopped doing the things we used to do, it was my fault I did not make her feel sexy, It also help take my mind off the 4 kids yelling and screaming all day long, what do you have against it, do you think it is the women that turn him on not you, all people use fantasies even you maybe you have a better imagination, try this get a movie or look on the computer at guys let him find you doing this maybe he will then understand what you are feeling, if he gets mad you hit the cord and that may help, tell him not to look at it unless you are there
Hope this helps
2007-12-15 00:05:13 · answer #2 · answered by joe f 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't respect you or your wishes and what you have to say. Porn isn't a huge concern, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking at it once in a blue. BUT, if this is an everyday thing and it's effecting you and also his sexual appetite towards you then it's becoming a problem and is a porn addiction.
If he wants to change and really loves you then he will get some type of counseling for his addiction otherwise this will be a consistent problem.
2007-12-15 00:34:37 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why is he paying for it when there's so much free stuff out there anyway? At the very least he should not spend the family's money on it.
Secondly, have you ever thought that maybe you don't do it for him anymore? Guys need visualization to become stimulated and apparently your FUPA isn't doing it for him anymore. You didn't mention the frequency or why you felt it was such a big deal so it is difficult for us to know if you are over-reacting.
Btw, why does this have to be his problem? Men HAVE to have sex and obviously he is not getting what he needs from you. What do you want him to do? At least he isn't banging hookers or your slutty neighbors. Pick the lesser evil for the meantime and also discuss with him on why you aren't satisfying him. See if there's something you can do to help. If you looked like you did when you first got married, he probably wouldn't be resorting to porn.
Implement a suggestion by another woman will not solve your problems. Take a suggestion from a man.
Before doing anything TALK to him. Stop just ordering him around, sheesh.
2007-12-15 00:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by TheTotalStud_StudTotal 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
.. my husband was the same way. .. he was addicted to porn and would not stop even if he knew that if hurt me badly.. i would tell him and beg him to stop with tears running down my face.. his responce.. its not like i am cheating on you this is better than that.. i wanted to slap him.. i mean it hurt just as bad sometimes.. worse, he was not tending to my needs.. i would get more sex from my vibrator than him.. i finally after some time had to just put my foot down with him.. it was so hard but it would hurt a ton worse to go through life with him hurting me over and over again.. when i posted the question on here a long time ago i told him to read the responces and that helped him realize it was an addiction.. if he could go through life knowing he was hurting his wife of all people, and not care about the tears and hurt .. when he is suppose to love, protect, and honor as he vowed.. then there was a problem.. finally when i told him it was time to end it or i was leaving him he opened his eyes.. i put an administration lock on the computer, hid all of his movies, and we worked it out from there.. trust me.. it was the best move.. i hope this helps you.. good luck!
2007-12-15 21:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do tough love. Tell him it is either you or the porn and really mean it. All guys will look at some sort of porn some how some way. If it is interfering with your sex life and he is preferring it over you then I suggest you give him the tough love. If this is every once in awhile then just chalk it up as him being a man and thinking with the wrong head.
2007-12-14 23:59:01 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some men will always be pigs-I understand, my hubby did the same thing and said he wouldn't buy a magazine again-guess what-found a new issue in the garage. Made me feel like I'm not attractive enuff, and it was always me initiating sex. So-I kicked him out for a while-becuz I lost trust in the fact that he lied to me. I wondered what else I may be in the dark about. I think some men just don't know how to have respect. Do what I wanted to do-put up a poster of a naked guy on the wall next to your bedside, & when u guys go out check out men-see how he likes it. If he continues this immaturity, kick him out.
2007-12-15 00:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by whisperer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is tuff because it makes a women feel insecure like we are not enough
I felt bad for years and when I divorced I was embarrassed to tell people why because I did not want them to think I had a problem
I am now confident and realize he was the one with the problem.
Sorry it is an addiction and he will not stop
My ex is remarried to a virgin bride and still is looking at porn my son caught him anyway his new wife thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread her mind is so innocent she does not realize he is a pig yet.
I don't blame her it took me almost 14 years to realize my husband was doing that
I was really stupid he was so much into god I trusted him went to bed early never thought in a million years.
After the cat was out of the bag he got worse and worse and said he just could not help it!
Everyone thinks he is such a good god fearing man!
It pisses me off when my kids are there his wife treats the kids bad and bad mouths me as if I was a bad wife
Little does she know who he really is.
I know one day god will bring it to the light
I wish I was the fly on that wall
Good luck
2007-12-15 00:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by lisalisa 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As sad as it is to imagine, addiction to pornography is on the
rise---and it ruins many relationships.
It is like many other addictions---it begins with just wanting to try it once or twice, and many people lose control and seemingly lose the ability to stop.
You must decide whether you can live with this problem or not.
If you believe you cannot, then explain to him how you feel and tell him in no uncertain terms that he must stop, get help for his addiction.....or you and he have no future together.
Yes, there are some wives who think this is fine, do not have a problem with it---but there are many of us who would not
tolerate this type of sickness in our relationship. So you are
not alone in not wanting this to infect your relationship and
destroy the loving commitment you have made to one another.
There are some sites on the web for women whose husbands are addicted to porn; you may want to check on one or two to see if anyone there can be of some support to you in whatever you decide your next step will be.
I wish you all the very best.
Doris
2007-12-15 00:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Doris L 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
a difficult problem.
try this approach,tell him you don't want to deny him anything but you would like him to stop looking at porn because it makes you unhappy.
let him know you don't want him to get too obsessed and maybe become addicted to porn.
offer to provide him some kind of personal reward (the real thing) to stop looking at porn.
hope this helps.
2007-12-15 00:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by ramni222 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋