I found out my husband has several personal ad accounts, one for married people looking for affairs!?

Question

I recently found out about these personal ad accounts, which he just opened in the last 2 weeks. None of the accounts are paid accounts. I did confront him about it and he said he was just curious and only wanted to see if anyone would respond to his postings, they were all asking for an above 60 year old lady, he is younger by 10 years. He says he is only seeking a friendship that's why so old, because he thinks there will be no physical attraction to somebody that age. He has been a loner most of his adult life and besides me has one other friend, but says he cannot talk to her about personal stuff and get advice. He keeps saying he loves me and its not about our marriage, he just wants to make some friend to talk to and he does not feel comfortable with other men as friends. I am really depressed and am also in no position to move out financially, we have been together almost 8 years. What should I do?

Answer 1

If he's just "looking for a friend" then why an account in the 'married people looking for affairs?'

But, then again, I've know some men to do some really stupid things because of ignorance. If your husband isn't a social creature, of sorts, then maybe he is curious.
Maybe the benefit of the doubt might be sufficient here, until you know something more definate.

No need to get yourself all worked up over something you might not truly know much about. I'm gonna take a guess that you're in your mid 40's or so,,,,,so you should already know what you're wanting out of life,,,,and you probably already know the answer to your question, but are just seeking some clarification to the answer you've already made.

So,,,,is this marriage worth working on???? Is this something you want to tackle??? Those are the questions you should be asking, and only you have the answer.

Answer 2

This is a total disrespect for you and your marriage. Your husband has a problem with either being majorly insecure and looking for validation or he is purely not into the marriage and is looking elsewhere. I found out an ex was looking at myspace single girls and was furious. My friend found out her husband was sending emails to girls on craigs list and then getting dirty pictures. So, my point is this happens, but you need to figure out if you can forgive and forget or if this is a deal breaker. Sometimes these things are symptoms of much worse things ahead. Hitting on friends is making it personal and really shows poor character. I'm sure your friends were creeped out and now think he is a jerk. He is breaking some basic marriage 101 underststood behaviors. Counseling helps identify issues, but it takes two willing people to participate and work on a marriage. Is change really possible from wandering emails to total marriage fidelity and trust? I am not sure what your husband said about all of this garbage, but it looks really really bad. I would consult a lawyer to get your cards straight just incase things get worse. You only get to live once and do you see yourself worrying for 30 more years that he is wandering, hidding and potentially cheating. Cheating can be emotional too, so he may have kept it in his pants but he is not looking to you and the marriage for his sole source of relating and thrills.

Answer 3

Get him out (with you) to meet some people in real life. Do activities together. Square dance. Play bingo. Whatever ya'll's interests are.

If he meets and has friends in real life, he will have less desire in the internet stuff.

But ultimately, if the personal ads don't cease immediately, I'd leave him. If he just wanted a friend to talk to online, there are plenty of adult forums and interest groups that aren't geared around dating and relationships that he could join. He's feeding you a line of crap on that one.

As for you being in no position to move out, well, if you're in no position to move out then you're pretty much stuck with whatever he does aren't you? He could bring women home to the house and screw them on the sofa then couldn't he?
Have some self-respect. If his behavior is unacceptable, he changes it or you leave. You'll be fine.

Take care and I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I think he's feeding you a line of bull. I've been there. Men don't place personal ads when they are married to find a friend to talk to. They place personal ads to find people to have sex with. No matter what he tells you. You tell him that you do not feel that what he is doing is beneficial to the health of your marriage, and that placing personal ads to look for female "friends" is an insult to you and your relationship. If he wants to meet other people then he should do it with you by his side, as his wife, and not behind your back.

If he can not respect you enough to stop treading the "single waters" then, you really need to see a counselor together to try to resolve this.

Answer 5

I have a hard time believing his reasons behind this because they wouldnt be a secret to you if that was the truth. Only you can decide what to do based on the fact that he was looking for another woman to have an affair with possibly older to not get her pregnant and because older people are more private. This is cheating in my eyes because he didnt post an ad saying looking for a friend and a male one.

Get a job and move on.

Answer 6

It is crazy that some of these people write in for advice, tell their story and at the very end tell you that they can't leave because they are using the cheaters money to live off. What do you think is going to happen when a cheater knows that you depend solely on them for support?You're making excuses for him and this man stands in your face and tells you, that it is for fun. That he wants to see who will respond to him. I was dating a man like this. He had only women friends and his main setup was... If you can't deal with this, let me know. They are only friends. Well after setting up an email account for him that HE asked me to set up. I found one of the nastiest emails to one of these so call friends. They was sleeping together and she was full aware that I was his girlfriend. Now he is on all of the site he could possibly get on, trying to meet ''friends''. It makes me laughs to know that the computer have brought so much filth out of people that you thought was ''good'' people. The only friendship he should be seeking from a woman is yours. You might want to check to see why he's searching for much older women. Maybe he's looking for someone to take care of him. The fact he went on a site looking for unfaithful relationship, should have told you that he was looking for more than friendship.

Answer 7

a couple of things...

i never thought in this lifetime that my husband would do the same thing, but he does.
i have learned to just deal with it. when i first found out, i thought holy crap this is the end, but he has reassured me time and time again, that it is for friendship only. some days it is hard to believe, but then again i know that if he wanted to leave and was unhappy here with me, he would of left by now.

it is hard, but if he says he is only looking for friends or friendship and he has not lied or cheated on you in the past you have to try to get through it. i know how hard it is, this same thing happen to me just about this time last year. i get into moods where i feel i am no good, when i see him looking or find out he, but i know deep down if he was going to leave or our marriage was in trouble, he would tell me.

i don't know if this helps at all or not.

if you want to chat more about it, msg me.

also it is good to know that someone else out there is going through what i am i thought no one in this world was.

Answer 8

All of you posting leave him etc, are too young to be in a proper relationship or are 20 somethings that are single or perhaps even newlywed.

You will learn that you cannot hold someone down and expect them to just roll over on command because you have issues with jealous tendencies. Making friends is a part of life, just because he has a female friend doesn't mean he is having sex with her.

Honestly just 1 friend? Honestly you girls need to realize how much crap you put men through and then expect them just to take it, and then you act all shocked when they leave.

Answer 9

so why can he not talk to his best friend--you whom has known him for a long time? If he is simply trying to make friends he should look at you and be your best friend he has no need to go out the marriage to share certain issues; ask him if you can join him when he reads or connects with other friends so that both of you can make the same friend.

Answer 10

GET in a position to have your finances NOW. This is not the sign of a healthy person or marriage. You can suggest marriage counseling but he seems to have found a new way to entertain himself. Why can't he talk to YOU?? He MARRIED YOU!