How are you feeling right now?

Question

I feel quite sad... can someone tell me a joke to cheer me up?

Answer 1

Pretty good...come on, don´t feel sad...keep on here with all of us and have some fun....

Answer 2

A little sad too

The following headlines were actually printed in newpapers. The irony in some of these is absolutely astonishing, hilariously funny (though sometimes akward). Check them out…

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deer Kill 17,000
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Teachers Strike Idle Kids
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

What'd You Think?

Answer 3

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm, he walks up to the bartender and says, I'll have 2 drinks.
the bartender looks at him and says why 2 there is only 1 of you. The guy says, oh, well, 1 for me, the other is for the road.
I feel sad today too, I lost the best job I ever had today, I've got an injury that hurts all the time, I'm catching strep throught from my daughter, my other daughter spent the night throwing up last night, I had to get up early this morning, I've got a headache, and I had someone yell at me this morning and call me a liar to my face, even though I was later able to prove that I wasn't lieing. Christmas is comming and I cant buy presents for my kids, cause of the lost job, and I'm facing not being able to make the mortgage payment.
I'm not lieing,
There, do you feel better now.

Answer 4

I am very good looking but I am single. I havent seen my younger daughter in 2 months because her mom is manipulating her into feeling bad for wanting to see me. I was on my motorcycle and some little kid at a red light asked me to do a wheely, so I did and as I was doing a wheely down the street, the cops were going in the opposite direction. I am faceing 6 months in jail plus 200 hours of comunity service plus a fine. I work for the movie studios and the writers are on strike and i am liveing off of credit cards. someone with no insurance crashed into my truck and I dont have a car to drive right now.
do you still feel bad or are you realising your life isnt so bad?
I can keep going if you want.

Answer 5

I'm also feeling sad...


But I'll still tell you a joke... Here goes nothing


Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right
tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy ****! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh!
Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "****! I forgot to tell him her *** is a pencil sharpener!"


Thats pretty good.... made me chuckle... Hope you're feeling better!

Answer 6

Hey girlie,
Don't be sad, you're probably not in as bad as a situation as me lol. I am getting divorced from a man in the Navy, I have a boyfriend in the Navy, they're both on the same ship--BIG MESS LOL but yeah there's always someone who's got it worse lol. But here's a joke for you--A REAL ONE! :)

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to erase it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

Answer 7

I am feeling great. Exercise, play some music. I don't have a joke, to tell you. But, if you exercise, and eat right, and drink lots of water. You will feel so much better. What you are feeling is no joke.

Answer 8

Tired.

Here's a joke, it's kind of lame but it might be funny:

What did the alien say to the gardener?
Take me to your weeder!


Also, if you're a Sci-fi fan, just post a comment on this question and I'll post a bunch of sci-fi jokes (mostly Star Wars and Stargate ones).

Answer 9

I am really sad cause i am always left out but here is a joke well i cant think of one but i hope you feel better

Answer 10

I am feeling kinda pis*ed off cuz my mom brought this land line phone system and my brother and my dad wont let me have 1 if it in my room,soo i am really angry and m gonna fix the old 1 back again in my room :@

umm i cant really remember a good joke right now soo sry :(

Answer 11

I will tell you a story instead. Lay your head down and just listen. Once upon a time.............There was this girl who had a terrible brother in law. He was very mean to her. Always insulted her. She tried her best to be nice to him because he was married to her twin sister and she loves her twin. One sunny day the girl went to his comic book store to visit her sister. Her sister was not there. The brother in law was sucking up to the girl. He wanted the girl to go to subway and get him a sub. The girl wanted to tell him to take his fat butt down there himself and get it but she was nice and said sure. The girl arrived at subway and ordered the brother in laws sub. As the girl turned away from the counter at subway the sub slid out of its plastic holder and fell onto the floor. The paper wrapping even opened to expose the sub to the floor. The girl was kind of in shock at first but with a sheepishly ornery grin she picked the sub off the floor wrapped it up and laughed madly all the way out of the store. When she returned to her brother in laws comic store to give him his sub, she watched the snarly beast munch on it. This delighted and put the girl in hysterics she had to leave the room. THE END. Oh, every time I think of that memory, I JUST LAUGH AND LAUGH. I hope it brought you joy, it brought me joy of recalling it. Cheer up buttercup tommorow is another day!!! :)