pregnant and dont know what to do?

Question

im 8 months pregnant me and my husband have been married for almost 2 years. we dated for almost 4 years. when we dated he was in trouble for marijuana, did some time and even had to do an outpatient rehab. well he decided to join the national guard after the birth of his son (by his ex-wife) and he stopped with marijuana all together. but ever since he got off active duty he hasnt been able to quit the habit this time. now we live with his parents i cant work due to pregnancy he has a job but they fired him last week for not coming in but he begged for the job back and they gave it back. well he didnt go in again today cause he stays up all night smoking and playing video games that he cant wake up in the morning for work.i really want us to get our own place but he spends like 10-20 bucks a day smoking, i know that dont seem like much but it adds up. on top of that i cant even get a little money for anything.its really unfair. what should i do give him more time to change or no.

i do love the man i really do but i feel like me and our unborn child comes second to his habit.

im 19 and hes 24

Answer 1

Do not give him time to change. He will not if you stay with him. He has got to decide to stop doing it for himself and you can't force him to. The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to get away from him. Eventually he is going to wake up someday and realize all he has lost because of his habit. I hope it isn't too late for him when he does.

Until he does wake up, you have got to do what is best for you and your baby.

Answer 2

You should think about the baby. Is this the life you want forthe baby when its born. Living in your husbands parants house with a dad who cant even take care of him. You seem like a clever gil who can make the best sensible choice. Try tallking to your husband. Tell him to smarten up his act. There is a baby on the way and if he wants to be a party of that babys life , he has to change.Just remember everybody deserves a second chance but nobody deserves a third.

You are probably going under a lot of stress right now and I am king of being a liitle harsh. Remember everybody makes mistakes they just need a little guidance to get them on the right track again. Try talking to him. Maybe he is just nervous about the baby and feels like he will make a bad dad.

Hope everything works out alright :) Good luck with the baby. I'm sure you will make a great mother.

Answer 3

I think you should voice your concerns to him. He's your husband so you made a vow for better or for worse so at least try and work it out with him. But if his behavior persists, you must do what YOU feel is best for you and your child. You're bringing a little person in this world that will be totally dependent upon you and he/she is going to need at least one parent that is totally in his/her corner. And if your husband can't, then you must. Whatever you do decide to do, consider the consequences and act without regret. Whatever you decide to do, you are doing it because of your love for your unborn child. Remember, this is a time where you should be enjoying your pregnancy not stressing over things such as this. And you're right, it's not fair. That money does add up and could be going toward much needed, clothes, diapers and formula (that is if you don't breastfeed). I hope this helped in some way. Good luck to you...congratulations...and please try to stay stress free at this special time in your life.

Answer 4

Dear Jane Doe....you are right about you and your dear unborn baby coming second to his smoking habit---that is what addictions do. They become the first love, and everyone and everything else comes somewhere further down the line, sad to say.
Right now, your husband is being enabled by everyone around him. His parents are allowing him to live in their home, making him able to be less responsible....allowing him the luxury of sitting up smoking and playing video games.....
and his employer did the right thing by firing him for not
coming in---and is kindly giving him a second chance by
giving him his job back....but for an addict, this is really enabling him to continue on his path of using as he is not suffering any consequences for his poor performance, immature lifestyle, and irresponsibility toward his family (you, your child, as well as his own parents who should not have
to give an adult married man and his family a place to live.

I do think that $10-$20 a day for something that goes to smoke and destruction is far too much money! That money
should and could be used to support his growing family and himself! You also mention a son he has with his ex-wife, I am certain he needs to pay child support for that little boy, too, right?

You are right to want your own place; sadly, that is unlikely to happen as long as you are relying on a man who is addicted to a drug habit. If for some miraculous reason you were able to get enough money together for your own place, how long
would he be able to manage to keep a job and pay for that
place, utilities, food, etc.?

I am so sorry to read that you are in such a vulnerable situation--pregnant with a child and married to an addict.
In the end, it may well be you who will have to be the strong,
responsible one and make a life for yourself and your child
when you have given birth and are able to return to work
yourself.

I wish you well; this is not going to be easy, but the sooner
you come to terms with reality and stay out of denial about
the dire circumstances you are in, the sooner you will make
the decisions that will give you and your child a chance at
a far better life.

There is a program for spouses or significant others of alcoholics called Al-anon. I think, but am not certain, that
there is also one for spouses or significant others of
those with drug addictions called Narc-anon. It would be
a good idea to check into a program such as this, where
you will meet other women and men in similar situations---
some of whom have come to terms with that situation and
can help those who are struggling.

I certainly wish you and your baby all the very best. Your
future is in your hands, and your love for your child will help
you to make the choices that are necessary to build a better
life for him or her......

Doris

Answer 5

You do whatever it takes to provide a good home for yourself and that precious baby ... WITHOUT HIM.

If he wants to be a part of your life, and of this precious child's life, he has to EARN that right.

If the two of you are that important to him, he'll shape up and step up to the plate. If he doesn't, well that's your answer right there and why would you waste one second worrying or crying over someone who's so irresponsible that they won't even go to work when there's a baby about to be born?

Talk to your family and see if you can live with them. Don't stay with his parents. Once you're able, get yourself back to school and get a degree so you can live the kind of life you and your child want and deserve.

Best wishes to you. Don't you feel one bit of guilt about that bum of a husband you've got. You're worth more than that. He won't ever change if you stay, because he's getting everything he wants and doesn't have to.

Answer 6

he seems to be falling back to his old behavior due to a lack of responsibility; maybe he should re-enlist; Look at past behavior if it is the same it is a pattern and he likes to go back to it; how long do you plan to stay with him? He now is he not only disrespecting you, the baby, and his parents home by smoking; he might need to go back to therapy or find him the job; he will still behave because he is not man enough to take care of his family. I cannot say to wait or not to give him more time since this is your choice to take but do realize that you will be bringing this child to a place where such behavior exists.

Answer 7

Oh good. Another unplanned and unprepared lady, preggers, about to pop another kid into the world with no chance at a nice life.

Sweetie, you and he are both babies, and in no way prepared to be loving, supportive parents. You have no clue what you are in for: Your marriage, such as it is will be totally destroyed by this screaming, shrieking kid who is even at best, ungrateful and selfish. Sorta describes your husband, doesn't it???? Now, you will have two babies in your life. How sad for you all.

And really, it isn't entirely your fault. As a product of our public school system, we have turned you two out, with no abilities to choose a proper partner, no abilities to parent, budget money, and no drive to stay in school, and come out of education with salable skills..... Hell, we didn't even teach him that to stay employed, ya gotta show up...And shi(t)fire, we didn't teach you that children are not bonding, they are divisive. And you are living with his parents????OH JOY. Somehow we left that one out too. As a public school teacher, my deepest apologies. We have failed you. All of us in education have failed you both.

Will he change? You know better.... but why on earth did you stop taking the pill???? What WERE you thinking. As a prospective single mom (cuz he'll leave you too), you are looking at the worst of all possible worlds.... he already had made one lady a single mom.

You couldn't be in a worse situation if you tried. And as I said, it isn't entirely your fault..... but unfortunately it is your responsibility to get out of it.

Here are four little items my mom began hammering into my head when I was about 13. I you had been my sister, public school or no public school, you would never have gotten yourself preggers by this guy, married or not... See if you can get your life back on track

1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

Thank you mom. I will always love you for these. Because of you, I knew where the traps were, even before they showed up....

Answer 8

Come up with a plan without him. If he cleans up his act and joins you, then great, but by the sound of the way things are now, you're going to have to find a way to support yourself and your baby. From my view, it doesn't seem like he is going to change any time soon and he certainly isn't going to change for the baby. You seriously need to come up with a workable plan for your future with the baby...and without the daddy. There are a lot of help available for pregnant women and mothers. Call the Department of Social Services. You are going to need some type of health insurance for you and your baby and if you have to, get public assistance. Your baby comes first...before your pride, before your husband, before anything.

Answer 9

You can nag and nag him and he still will continue smoking it. He has an addiction. I know because my first husband smoked pot every three hours every day unless he was asleep. Talk about money going down the drain. He needs to want to quit himself. If you do not like it tell him you want him to go to NA. If he is not willing to do so and continues to smoke it then I would leave. Your child should not be subject around someone who deals with thier problems by smoking pot.

Answer 10

How old is he, 15? Seeing that you are 8 months pregnant, I would turn to his parents for help. You live in their house! Hopefully his dad can set him straight and get it through his thick head that he has a baby coming very soon! It's never too late to get your act together, so there's still hope.