how long do you think it takes to gain self-esteem?

Question

I think I'm not pretty at all and that this will hinder my love life terribly and limit my choice in men.
But all my friends lie and tell me I'm pretty. I posted my picture on here tons of times and people mainly said I'm pretty. But I cannot believe it. I have never had an ounce of self-esteem about my looks for about eight years.
I don't know how long it will take for the pain to go away and for self-esteem to emerge. I don't even know where to start since whenever I tell myself I'm pretty, I refuse to believe and lash out at my flaws (huge nose, ugly chin, no cheek bones, etc).
How can I help myself?
All my pics are in my previous questions.

Note: I compensate for my looks with my intelligence and personality, which I like for the most part.
I just study instead of date. I'm scared that boys, especially the cute ones, will tell me I'm ugly. Those who say looks are superfluous are kidding themselves because we are all sexual beings.

why the hell do only older men think I'm attractive when younger men avoid me. It sucks!

fine, i'm average which is a curse on its own. What I'm looking for are tips on how to increase my self-esteem.

Answer 1

You gain self-esteem through achievements. Right now you are very self-conscious (I'm saying this as a negative), and you cannot get where you want to go until you get over this.

I've been in your shoes--I had/have facial disfigurements that, while improved, still bother me. I threw myself into school, was in some bad (short-term) relationships, and generally going downhill until I realized that I can't live worrying about what other people think of me.

While I'm not typically pretty, people say I have a presence, and when I am least self-conscious is when I have the most self-esteem (I don't like the term as I think it's overused and poorly defined). Don't get trapped in relationships or situations where you are settling--that is the worst thing.

Good luck to you! Stay with the friends who love you for who you are!

Answer 2

of course you would think that because the world we live in now seems to be showing us that its about the outside that counts and not the inside anymore.
as for how long it takes to gain self confidence, i'd say its all up to the person. if you that you dont listen to others who tell you that you are pretty, then no one can really help you expect yourself. so wake up and every morning tell yourself, "i am beautiful" or "i am pretty" and you'll start believing it.
OR just go and get a hair cut and nails done and buy a new outfit and maybe you'll feel so much better, and confident.

by the way, im just like you

Answer 3

kay I'm a guy and ijust looked at your pictures, I'm ging to be completely honest here. You arn't that pretty, BUT you arn't exactly ugly either, there's alot of people out there who look alot worse than you. Overall you just seem average, and there's plenty of average guys out there for you to match up with. You got potential there too, if you just excersize and lose a little weight, maybe get your hair did and some makeup, I'm sure alot of guys might think you are hot.

Answer 4

I've had confidence issues my entire life. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of work and time to build confidence. What you should do is find an interest that involves other people and focus on that. After time, you will be seen as an expert and will be able to navigate that arena with confidence. From there, this will spill over into other areas of your life.

Answer 5

well, first off looking at your picture, you ARE pretty. remeber you dont wanna be just another dumb girl, who offers them selves up to the first jock they see. also being ugly would never limit your choice on men. you are young, intelligent, and gorgous, and never let anyone tell you other wise. you might want to get some professional help. but if you cant for whatever reason, try once a night for 10 minutes and just quit all negative throughts about your self. try writing your good qualitys (this being not only your physical features but your personality as well.) you will find someone that loves you for not only for your looks but the great personality and intelligents you have.


hope i helped.

Answer 6

i looked at one of your old questions with a picture of you(the plastic surgery one?) and i think your really pretty. you have nice, clear skin =). and i swear im not lying. everyone sees flaws in themselves that others dont. i shouldnt be one to talk though, im just like you. i hate every little thing about me. but if you try to find the good in you, like say you love your eye color or your hair or something, and pretend to be more confident, people will tend to notice you more. just try not to be so down all the time, itll get better.

Answer 7

i see your pic of you. and yes i think you are very pretty. i think you need to spend less time in front of the mirror. it helps me sometimes to just be outside in fresh air and let go! let go of what i look like - wether my make up looks ok, forget about if i matched my socks etc etc... you need to get out there!! spend more time with you and get comfortable with yourself. youve got the rest of your life in that body with that face. get use to it and stop worrying about it. and when you are in front of the mirror focus on your better features. theres always things your gonna hate about yourself. ive had people tell me i have low self esteem and they dont know why cause im pretty. but ive been working on it. i try and be more confrontational. say hello and greet people. if im infront of a super hot guy, try not to blush and be socialiable. the more you get out there i think you will find to get more confortable in your own skin.
but yes it will take time.
but everything takes time.
:D hope this helped

Answer 8

You're putting too much emphasis on looks. You know how they say that when you look in the mirror too much you start nit picking at every little thing. Quit putting all that value into looks and think about all the people that like you for your personality and feel confident about that.

Answer 9

It takes a long time to gain self-esteem. In the long run, it does. Eventually, it will happen. You will gain self-esteem. I know. I used to have no self-esteem. Now I do. Don't worry.

Answer 10

You know when you are at home alone look in the mirror and you ask your self who do you see? Do you see a person with the OOHH LALA looks!!! or do you see a person with loving feelings and caring and all those good things you may have. Try that O.K