I'm 25 my boyfriend is 29. We have been together for 7 months. He wants me to move in. I'm thinking about it. I will have my own room with all my stuff in it. We spend all of our free time together. I will stay over for 4 days every week. We get along great. If we have a problem with one and other we can talk it out. He's my best friend here. Yet I am still a little freaked out. It's not about the money at all. I am going to start working 2 jobs and we would never see one and other. We miss each other when we can't be together. He lives about 25 min away across town.
With God and all that aside. I want to know from people that have tried it. What do you think. Does it help or does it hurt a relationship. I read what the so called Experts say. Word is it increases the risk of divorce. Screw them I want to know what the people say.
2007-12-14 13:14:55 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HA HA HA Play house. Not what I want to do ***. I am the one that is unsure of it all. I have always been independent and I'm thinking of trying something new.
2007-12-14 13:23:19 · update #1
I live with my boyfriend now. We also have a 19 month old son. It depends on whether you are ready to make a commitment to each other whether or not it will last. Moving in together makes all of your living habits apparent. There is no hiding anything. It takes the mystery out of your relationship and puts it straight into reality. Laundry. Bills. Bad moods. Etc. Outside stresses that you would normally handle without an audience.
It mostly depends on your relationship and if you are ready to take a step further with it. Some couples prolong getting married because they are already living as man and wife.
Ultimately it is what you will be comfortable and happy with. Whether you live together first or not making it past the first five years in a marriage is the test. Some people don't live together before they get married and still get divorced. The first few years you are learning about each others lifestyles and choice making abilities. After that either you mesh well together or not. Life is a learning experience.
Love goes a long way but sometimes it is not enough. Go with what your gut instinct tells you. Don't ignore yourself to do what someone else wants. Make your own choices.
2007-12-14 13:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can only relate my experiences, but I've had 4 serious relationships in my lifetime (I'm 64). I only married in 2 instances. For the most part, my partner and I always lived together first. Now you could say if living together was so great, why didn't it last. For the most part they did, but we split for other reasons than the fact that we lived together first. It's different between dating and sharing the bathroom. Little irritations, mild disturbances, all these add to the complexity of the relationship and allows the two of you to work things out. Some don't. And the living arrangement kept them from making a serious mistake. Only do this if you feel comfortable. If you have doubts, then wait. But people change when they live together, and you need to give yourself the chance to find out who you are, and who he is.
2007-12-14 21:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line honey is that everybody is different, and your man could be that ONE in a MILLION. You will never know until you step out there. Also if your having second thoughts then slow down long enough to hear exactly what your second thought is saying... Nine times out of ten we know on a soul level whats right for us and whats not. I say if your not in a situation that would make you HAVE to move in NOW then just take your time.
Now on a more personal note I have lived with someone before, and in any relationship it has its PROS and it has its CONS... You just have to decide if the bull that's being put out is bull you can put up with, because everyone has BULL even you... In my case I messed it up, and to this day I wish I could take that time back... That was some 21years ago and with age comes WISDOM (hopefully)
Good Luck Honey
2007-12-15 00:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by HoTTTcarmel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lived with my husband before we got married. We have been married for almost 15 years. We met in Aug, moved in together in Feb. we were married in June and had a baby the following April. I do not think that it leads to divorce. When you move in when you marry there are a lot of things that you do not know about a person that you soon find out. You can make it work if you try and are willing to communicate and compromise. Good luck.
2007-12-14 21:23:22 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not a fan of shacking up, unless you are already engaged and there's 6 months to the wedding. But then, you can't just wait? It's hard to explain. You can kind of miss some steps and assume certain things. Your brain just assumes you already know these things and have talked about them because you live together so you must know each other so well. So I'm really not a fan. I am so sick of people saying he won't really respect you because you're a cow and milk and all. That's not it at all. It's just so easy to assume things will occur how you think they should.
2007-12-14 21:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I lived with my ex-husband for about a year before we got married. Our marriage legally lasted for just over 3 years, but was really over within a year. Before that, I lived with a boyfriend for 3 years, and then we broke up. I have been with my fiance now for going on 5 years, and we don't live together, and won't until we get married. My own personal experience is that living together before marriage does hurt a relationship, and I would never do it again.
2007-12-14 21:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie73 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should date for at least a year before you move in, you haven't been through that many stages of the relationship yet, I don't think its neccessary to wait till marriage cause you can't really know and love someone until you've lived with them for at least 6 months to a year so I would wait a few more months....
2007-12-14 21:19:39 · answer #7 · answered by Okaydokay21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lived with my Husband of 6yrs now before we were married. We got married after the first year. After 3months, we were in love. I found out all I needed to know while we waited that year to seal the deal. I think It helped get to really know the man and myself as far as what I really wanted. If your working all the time, your time off you will really appreciate having him there for you. I hope he won't be immature and miss you and complain about you not being around, or miss behave.
2007-12-14 21:23:54 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea.You know NOTHING about this guy.
The trend this day and time for girls is to give the guy a honeymoon sample, play "pretend married" get pregnant finally be honest with themselves and admit he is a worthless druggie after 6 months of pregnancy.
No, get your OWN place and date no sex no shacking for a yr or so INSTEAD of making babies first just to realize you cannot stand one another after a yr.If your still dating a yr or so after you have your own place THEN get married and move in together.It works MUCH better that way, and if you dont believe me,watch some of the judge shows for a week or so.
2007-12-14 21:20:10 · answer #9 · answered by Joe F 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I lived with my husband for months before we got married. It was fine. We were like you and stayed together most of the time anyway. Just don't expect to stay in "your" room for very long. And go not let him try and control you. Some men do that and don't realize that they are.
2007-12-14 21:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by Brandi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋