If you tell your husband you don't want him to go out to a bar and he still goes out?

Question

would you be mad?

How often does your husband go out without you?

like what, someone's got to sit home with the kids. My Dad's the only babysitter and he can't babysit that often.

Oh and no drinking problem.

And, he said earlier today there is no way he is going out tonight.

I saw him for literally 5 minutes today.

thanks you so much for the answers so far, all of you are very insightful.

He doesn't go out that much lately about once/twic every 2 weeks. I guess I just feel like a prisoner home with the kids all day and then again at night. But he doesn't come home like 4 in the morning, like no later than 1.

Answer 1

The way I see it is, if I can't go why should u. How come it's the women at home w/ the kids. I don't think that's fair. If I ask him not to go and he goes anyways, he better be prepared to sleep on the couch!

Answer 2

He needs to grow up. My first husband was like this and I ended up divorcing him. He always put his friends before me and went out with the boys and left me at home. I felt like his friends were more important. He was also cheating on me, I hope yours isn't. I personally think that the only reason to go to the bar without your spouse is to try to pick up other women. What does he say if you want to go with him? If he doesn't want you to go then I think something is up! He is not respecting you, you should come first! What if you suggest having some couple friends that you could invite over for a few drinks? Tell him you feel left out and unimportant. If he cares about you he will take this seriously. If he puts you off, then he is a jerk and I would dump his sorry you know what!!

Answer 3

wow, out till 1am or 4am ... that is very late.

I was dating this girl one time, she wanted to go out EVERY nite.
She loved singing karaoke. I only wanted to go out a couple times a week when I was younger. I like karaoke also, but not that much.
When I didn't want to go out, she got quite angry. Spouting off crap that she was "trapped within 4 walls". I told he to go out and enjoy herself, I was staying at home. Well that relationship last 3 years and 2 miscarriages, hehehehe.

Don't listen to these other idiots about changing locks and stuff. That is not the right thing to do. You will only make things worse if you do that, relationship wise.

This guy must be fairly young, he still wants to run with the gazelles. He hasn't settled down yet. As he gets older, if you can last that long, he will settle down :) I'm 43 and I have no desire to be out drunk driving into the wee hours of the morning.

Tell him he can go to happy hour with his buds, but he needs to get his butt back home and no more late evenings. Its an accident waiting to happen with this out past midnite crap.

Anyway, good luck, if you want to chat online on messenger, feel free to IM me. I'm just sitting at home tonite watching tv :D

Answer 4

My husband and I are best friends, so there is no desire for us to be out with others. Although we do not drink, I could put this scenario anywhere, we just go out together. Even at home, we are often found doing different things, but in the same room, just to be near one another.

Answer 5

Change the locks while he's out. lol But really, marriage is about compromise. If he regularly disrespects your wishes, you could try getting some marriage counselling, or just go to a counsellor by yourself if he won't go. There are a lot of factors to be taken into consideration, like whether he is going out to meet women, whether he's going out with friends just as a social thing, etc., etc. ...things that a counsellor should be able to help you sort out.
Btw, you should be mad if he leaves you at home with the kids and disrespects your wishes about him leaving you with them. Maybe he needs a bit of his own medicine. Just go out at random times and leave him with the kids. If he objects, tell him you are going (and GO - don't let him talk you out of it), and draw his attention to the fact that he does it himself. Men are very selfish overall.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

If he went out to the bars before you got married then dont be mad because you KNEW he was a bar fly BEFORE you married him.Hire a baby sitter you can trust and go with him, if he comes home at a reasonable time dont fuss at him if he stays out all night and comes in late, then tell him it has to stop.If it doesnt then tell him counseling or divorce, his choice.

Answer 7

I think if he goes out so should you ? Try getting a babysitter and go together. This is what we do when we can.Being with kids all day is VERY stressful.

His priority should be you & kids.

Answer 8

Just give him some free time make a deal with him compromise and communication is the key

Answer 9

i know exactly where your problem is stemming from and where it's going to go. you TOLD your husband to NOT go. first you need to ask him to not go, and back it up with some very valid reasons. secondly, if this isn't a regular thing (let's say at least once a week, if not more) then what is your deal?

Answer 10

No I wouldn't be mad. i would very calmly pack his **** and drop it off at the bar and change the locks. There'd be no need for him to contact me and try to talk to me about it. Bar tenders are known to lend an ear and it's not my fault he passed up the opportunity to tell his sob story.