If you were paddled as a child, what harm could it do?

Question

I'm just wondering because I had been paddled at different times through my childhood. I've really never considered myself gay. My I just left a certain distaste to anything macho. I just didn't like the feeling of being bullied. Worse yet, my school didn't do anything about bullies. You're just expected to ignore them. This just left me feeling different. Like I couldn't fit in. Plus I was also put into special ed. Even teachers could get away with bulling me. No one cared! How are you supposed to respect authority when you were abused by it?

So for years, I have had anxiety and depression issues. This also led me to be a bad procrastinator. Over time I joined the Mormon church, because they played right into these. Now, I'm out of the church because I couldn't stand the control. I feel like I've been forced into failure. Oh, did I mention that I've been to college twice without graduating because of anxiety. I have my HS diploma and that was hard enough. What do I do?

Answer 1

I was not sure what you meant by "paddled" but I assume you mean "spanked" as punishment?
I think it can cause severe psychological problems. As a child, I was not only spanked but beaten with sticks, shoes and leather belts (up until 6th grade). I was also raised in a sexist environment. I am always spiteful and vindictive at my parents and my uncle who raised me, even though our relationship is much "better" now (cause we moved to Canada). You and I have similar experiences: I find it hard to make long-lasting friends, I am over-sensitive to comments made by people and what they think about me, and it also somewhat turned me into a feminist...and yeah, got anxiety and depression issues as well. Really bad though cause I've actually tried committing suicide twice. I am in 4th year university right now...doing bad in my classes (I hate how university marks are curved!)...I am studying hard for my final exams hoping I would do well enough to pass them.
The only way I could think of is to get help, but I know it's hard. No one knows what I am going through right now and ever since, not even my boyfriend. It is definitely hard to get help when you feel ashamed of your past and what a mess you are right now. I am trying to open up to people and it seems to work. Just do it gradually. Don't jump in too fast, otherwise people around you will be overwhelmed. And be strong. There are people who are testing your emotional strength, that's why they put you down. If they know they can push you around, they will and they won't stop. Stand up for yourself and don't take any BS from anyone. Have an open mind. Don't lose hope. Everything will be okay.
I don't know if that helped...but I tried. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I never got paddled as a child, but I did get a few "lumps" if I stepped out of line big time. None of that ever harmed me emotionally or mentally.

I think it'd be a good idea to try going back to school. Take a light class load - maybe one or two courses - to get into the whole school thing. And there's no rule that says you have to load yourself down so that you can graduate within some specific time frame. Just take your time about it.