can my ex get away with making my son use the last name of her new husband?is this illegal or just unethical?

Question

i pay child support to her through the state of Wash.When I get any corespondance from him, it's addresed using the step father's last name. pictures too. It's like she's trying to erase me. but they still accept the money.

i now live in CA. but never get a phone call and haven't received a letter in nearly a year.

she has been this way since she remarried. I was forced to leave the NW to seek work. I have made several attempts to contact my son and/or her, but she screens phone calls and i never get a call back. my family (grandparents,sister,aunts and uncles)gets the same treatment also. We never know if he receives any gifts or cards we send.

Answer 1

Legally, she cannot change his name without your permission. She can change her name to whatever she wants, but not your son's.

Answer 2

I think what they are trying to do is give this boy a father, you aren't around, you aren't in his life. Living in a different state because of work does not maintain your relationship with your son. It does not make you a father to your son. I know this sounds harsh and that is not my intention, but I feel you need to hear this. There is work everywhere, just not maybe what you were wanting or hoping for. But when you have a child, you stay where they are and you work at McDonald's and deliver newspapers if you have to. Anything to be a full time father to that child. Not a distant father who calls and sends letters every now and then. This man is in his life, he is raising him and your son needs to feel a part of that family.

Now if you want him in your life, move back and get in his life. Otherwise, let it be. He's his dad now. He's the father figure.

Again, I'm not trying to hurt you. But sometimes a whack upside the head is what it takes to get people to understand you can't be a parent from another state. Sometimes we get so entwined in our problems and trying to work it all out gets us confused and stressed. But the worst thing you could have done to that child is move away.

Good luck and I hope you do the right thing. You sound like a very caring man who just didn't know what the right thing to do was. I think you love this child very much and have been very responsible with the child support. But unfortunately my friend, child support is not a relationship.

Take care.

Answer 3

# 1, Why did you move away from your child? This is why you are trying to be erased! You should have stuck it out in Washington so that she didnt have all the control, not to mention a father who loves his child would work at 7-11 if thats what it took to be near his child, you dont leave state! & I,ll bet that you dont even have a relationship with your son, do you? And I,ll bet that you are putting all the blame on your ex and her new hubby, because you cant handle the truth, can you? The truth most likely goes as follows- You split up with mother of your child & suddenly you slowly stop seeing your son, little by little, then she hooks up & marrys prince charming, which takes your ego down a notch, then you move out of state, by now she & your son, have gotton very close to her new hubby & decide that maybe your little boy needs a father, not a dad who lives out of state who has no contact or relationship with him. I say, man up to the situation, & she can change her sons last name to whatever she wants to, just because you pay child support doesnt give you any rights regarding this child. I say, if she is gonna change the last name to her new hubby.s, then maybe he should adopt him? I mean geez, this child needs & deserves a father, then you would not have to pay child support, I mean whats their to lose? Your child will end up with this man as a father figure regardless & will also end up with the same last name, I guess what Im getting at is this man is raising & taking care & responsibility of your kid, why not just let him have the whole package? If he wants to be daddy so bad, let him provide financially also, then you will see them change their tune drastically.

Answer 4

There isn't single answer. I work in a school and I see this all of the time. The mom remarries or maybe had the child out of wedlock and then gets married and they change the poor kids name four or five times. They can't even remember what the kid is listed under!

The truth is that if it isn't a legally binding paper, she can give any name she wants. If it is something legal like taxes, social security, Medicaid, Insurance, etc.., she has to use the name of his birth certificate.
She can legally change his name by going to court or by her new husband adopting him.

Answer 5

I know your paying your child support, and kudos to you for that, but do you ever visit? Actually be there with your son? Is he old enough to read those letters you send? Did you move away from them, or they from you? There is more to this story I think, and why no contact in a year? Sad to say, if you never visit, his step-dad may be the only father he knows.

Answer 6

Tell your ex that IF she wants her son to have her husband's last name she has to go through the courts to make it LEGAL. Right now he is using her husband's last name ILLEGALLY. Simply tell her that if she wants your son to have her husband's last name you will sign away all parental rights and her husband will have to adopt your son...that will mean no more child support from you. Sounds like she wants the money but not the association with you. Hit her where it hurts the most...the pocketbook.

Answer 7

No, they can not change his last name. I say you get a lawyer ASAP and get some visitation issues taken care of. There is NO reason you shouldn't get him over the summer, half of x-mas break AND every other spring break. Unfortunately you can not with-hold child support but she can not with-hold visitation either. Sounds like a mess that needs to be taken care of right away before it's too late.

Answer 8

I'm in the same boat. No fun! In Montana, the father has to give up his parental rights and the step-father must adopt the child before the name change. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 9

in case you share legal custody, then your ex-spouse can't legally replace your son's call without your authorization. And her new husband can't legally undertake your son without first terminating your parental rights. college emergency playing cards and different medically correct advice are required to have his complete legal call. the two way, you are able to no longer stop the call that she calls him or that she teaches him to call himself, whether it is not his legal call. What your ex-spouse is doing is a classic occasion of Parental Alienation Syndrome. touch a kinfolk regulation lawyer and ask what jurisdiction the courts have.

Answer 10

Technically and legally, your son will keep your last name, even if she remarries. What name is on his birth certificate? They are trying to brainwash the child.

Answer 11

Unless the child has been adopted by the new husband, there is no reason for your child to have his last name. If you agree to the adoption then you are no longer liable for the child support.