I moved to NYC from Phoenix so that we could get married and be close to her father who was sick at the time. He unfortunately has since passed away and I will eventually have a Government job waiting for me back in Phoenix. I am trying to improve a few things for my family as a whole with this decision. Here are the most prominent ones:
1. Affordable housing
2. Same pay with a much smaller cost of living
3. 10 minute commute compared to 3 hours per day
4. More time spent with my wife and child
5. Retirement benefits
6. Better schooling options for my child
To be fair I must list some of her concerns and why she does not want to move.
1. Her whole family lives here.
2. She only has one friend in Phoenix who may move away at any time.
She doesn't work currently and won't have to unless she wants to. If and when this opportunity arrives what do I do if she says no and refuses to leave with me? Does anyone know the legalities of this situation involving a child?
2007-12-14 08:47:49 · 10 answers · asked by curious george 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just want to add that this opportunity will not be a factor for at least a year and that is why I spoke to her about it now. The talk did not go well and I did give her a suggestion which was to figure out where she would be willing to move so that we could research buying a house and see what the job market in that area is like. Bottom line is I will live anywhere that will provide me the income to support them without having to be away from home 12-13+ hours a day 5 days a week which is my current situation. Unfortunately living in Manhattan and being close to my job is not an option even if she finds a good paying job.
2007-12-14 09:05:31 · update #1
1 talk with yoru wife, tell her exactly what you told us.
2. Your children will never be required to move out of state. You can move, but they are not going anywhere. Save your money.
3. You and your wife need a plan TOGETHER. Marriage is a partnership and it requires compromise....
4. 1. Buy a smaller house. 2. Lower your expenses. 3. Get a different job closer to home. 4. Spend all the time you possibly can with your wife and child. 5. Retirement is 40 years away. 6. There are good schools everywhere. Good parents make good students. 7. She loves her family. Family is important to her....VERY IMPORTANT. 8. Phoenix sucks in the summer. 9. I bet she would choose to work if it meant staying near her family. 10 You will never get custody of your kids to move them out of state, and divorce is a freaking financial TRAINWRECK!!!
Good luck!
2007-12-14 08:55:41 · answer #1 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You both need to go to counseling, are you willing to give up on your marriage if she does not want to move??? Sounds like you are!!!
Your child can sense this pressure also, I would suggest you go to counseling, this decision needs to be made between you and your wife, and her family, she needs to know that her family is behind her and that she can see her family anytime, and stress that living in Phoenix is a perfect excuse to moving to Arizona, and who does not love Arizona???
As far as her getting a job, do you know the cost of childcare?? And when you move and you are not home, then your child is the only person she has!!!!!
Talk to your wife, talk to her family, reassure her, have her family reassure her, take a piece of paper and help her list the positive and the negative of moving.
Just talk with her and communicate with her, and her family, friends, and a counselor, and just listen to her fears and her emotions, and together, you both can make the decision.
It sounds like you want what you want and her opinion does not matter, and if she does not want to go, then you are thinking of divorce, because you are not getting your way?
2007-12-14 16:57:59 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your BOTH selfish. It sounds like she is not thinking about the whole situation, but at the same time, your child needs to be around family so I get her point there. On the other hand how much do you really love this woman? I mean in reading your question you are ready to jump ship and divorce her if she won't move halfway accross the country for your career..........who's being selfish here isn't the question, who's being the MOST selfish is more like it and I have to say I think it's you.
2007-12-14 16:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it sounds like a clash of wills.
Your reasons for moving to AZ are much more practical then hers are to stay in NY.
If you have the money so she's able to be a stay at home mother, then you probably could afford to fly her to NYC a few times a year.
As the child gets older, she'll make friends in AZ. And she should make a point of it - not only for the child but for herself.
You don't mention how soon you'd like to move or whether you really are willing to move without her but you might want to make a preliminary visit to lawyer to see what your parental rights are before making too many plans.
Good luck.
2007-12-14 16:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by MARY N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok you have good points and she has very valid concerns also. You need to sit down and talk this out completely before the situation is in a have to decide right now time frame. Ultimately though I don't think this would be something to end a marriage over. I've never found any job that is more important than my family. Jobs come and go but family is forever. Think it over carefully and good luck.
2007-12-14 16:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by sassypurplecat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You're providing her with alot, so therefore, i'm sure alot of people would think that she needs to be more willing to make the move. But, if her whole family is close by, that means ALOT to a new mom, and plus, if she's at home all day, i'm sure they get long, and if her friend was to move, she would be alone. BUT, then again, on that flip side, she could find something to make herself feel useful and get a new network of friends. My concern is your last couple of statements. It sounds like you're moving, with or without her. I'd really think about that one. You might be bettering yourself with the move, but if you have to work out custody battles, support and probably alimony, not sure you're gonna win the war.... I, myself would suggest prayer... that you are guided in the right direction. It works!
2007-12-14 16:57:49 · answer #6 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds like she is being selfish. Your reasons are to improve your life as well as your family's and her reasons are just for her. She doesn't have to do the 3 hour commute, you do! YOu should have more say in where you live due to a job because you are the one that works.
If she doesn't agree to at least discuss/think about it, you may want to consider getting a lawyer to talk about your options.
2007-12-14 16:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by DeeGee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give her more time then tell her you are going first-or look for government job in NYS-or upstate somewhere-where its cheaper to live-they can always use prison guards in NY
2007-12-14 21:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
legally- mom will be awarded custody unless she is Totally unfit... compromise
2007-12-14 16:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she sounds very selfish! i'll move to phoenix with u!
2007-12-14 16:50:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋