Should I keep this type of woman?

Question

I am away a lot being a Marine and it seems like every time I have to go she finds another man to keep her sex life active. That has happened 3 different times now that I know of. I am about to return again from a deployment and she gives her word that she has been faithful this time.

The problem is that when I do come home, she treats me like a king. She gives me 100% attention and waits on me hand and foot. I feel so bad sometimes and I try to do anything and everything to “out-do” her in kindness. I seem to never win.

I have two boys and really just can’t see them not in my life on a daily basis. I have stayed with her…AM I CRAZY??? Or are there others that have kept their significant other after they are unfaithful.

Sometimes I feel like I would be better off without the pain she has put me through and find a great woman that I could enjoy life with but………………..I feel trapped.

Sorry---Yes she is my wife
I joined the Marines at 17 and I am close to 20 years and retirement. Time to start another career somewhere.

My boys are now teenies.....if I decide to retire at 20 and find another career, I am certain they want to be with me.

another response to a respose---

Yes I am loyal to her, When I am home she is awesome and I have no need to desire others...although after reading these great comments it has me thinking.

while I am away-----well lets just say I do not swing that way-----not too many women when I am away only dudes around here and I am farrrrrrrrrrrr from gay

another response to a respose---

Yes I am loyal to her, When I am home she is awesome and I have no need to desire others...although after reading these great comments it has me thinking.

while I am away-----well lets just say I do not swing that way-----not too many women when I am away only dudes around here and I am farrrrrrrrrrrr from gay

Thanks to everyone who responded. When someone asks a question like this they usually already know in their heart what to do---as I did. Most comments here confirmed that for me and it makes sense to me in my head and puts me at ease I appreciate it. I know what I have to do and trying to pick a best answer is hard because they all made great points and were good. Semper Fi all and Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Answer 1

oh, hun...I understand that...you don't want to be a weekend dad. I don't really know what to say. Though, I think you need to look at the situation as it is..

You have kids and she's leaving them with who? Who's she sleeping with? Disease is not particular...it'll grab anyone.

I don't think you're crazy, but, crazy about your kids. I think she's waiting on you 100% hand and foot to guilt you into forgiving her. With her I don't think you'll ever win.

As far as feeling trapped, you need to weigh the pro's and con's of the situation, and try to see what's right for you and your kids. I have heard of people staying together after one cheats, but their relationships are never the same afterward. The trust just isn't there anymore.

Answer 2

Wow your really entwined in this big mess. This women does love you, but her taste for love is never satisfied. I think her love for you is more like lust. She loves being around you for some reason. Most likely because you are a marine and that turns on any women. I know i'd like a marine in my bed. Anyways, i think you should move on. If i were in your position i'd keep her around for just a bit longer for sex and all that cuddling, but reality is this isn't your soulmate. You shouldn't confuse love with lust for her.Your oviously a nice guy and the whole marine thing, well lets just say you won't have difficulty finding another great women. This women is wounderful except that she needs a lot of attention and love and that means more then just one person can give. If you ever stopped making love she'd probably get into an argument with you. This women can't stop herself from being unfaithful and that will not change so do not put your hopes up on her at all. Shes just too promiscuous for you and i'm not getting the feel your any type of swinger. Once you go on a few dates and catch a good lady keep your x around, as a friend of corse. Since you don't want to lose the boys you'll still get to see them. Even offer her help somtimes. Countinue to be a gentlemen and you'll make it far in life!

Answer 3

It looks like most people say "Dump her!"
She needs to be sexually fulfilled and if you are away in the marines for long periods of time, not being fulfilled can be a real problem for her.
Rather than look upon her as "unfaithful", is it possible to actually see it as a positive?
She seems to love you and demonstrates that when you are home so, is it possible that you could actually discuss this situation with her and let her know that if she wants to have sex with other men, while you are away, then it is okay with you. That way you give her an amount of trust that most men would never think of giving the woman they love. Can you imagine how much more she would love you as a result. Sure you might say, "Well, what if she falls in love with one of her lovers?" Who knows...anything is possible.
When you release her from sexual confinement while you are away you make her life more positive because she doesn't have to feel like she is unfaithful. If a man goes to a hooker for sexual relief because his wife is away for 6 months, does that make him "unfaithful". I don't think so. I think he is doing his prostate a good turn and keeping things operating properly so that his wife and he can enjoy a prolonged sex life.
Is it kind of the same in your situation? She needs release and gets it which keeps her healthy. If you support her in this then she is healthy mentally also, isn't she?
The end result of your support would, more than likely, make your relationship stronger because she knows that you trust her and love her enough to allow her to be happy this way. In return she will love you more.
Is it possible that, if you let her go, this way, and support her having a healthy sex life, then she might not want to see other men but will only wait for you?
Maybe your only feeling trapped because you don't let her be free. If you did..then you wouldn't feel that way any more.
I watched a story about a man who was married to a porn star. He loved her tons and, in fact, was on set when she was performing. He enjoyed letting her enjoy her sexuality that way. The neat thing was that they had a wonderful sex life of their own and she only had eyes for him. He was her man.
Cool!

Answer 4

Unless she has admitted to being unfaithful, there is a chance that you are assuming she has been. I know that when my husband was deployed to iraq, he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him even though I was faithful. I think this was because so many other husbands and wives were cheating, and he saw this going on around him. When you get deployed, you can't expect her to stay at home all the time and just wait for you, she has to take care of her own life as well. Live does go on when you are away. However, if you know for a fact that she has cheated, more than once, then I have to say that she will never change. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is absolutely true. It would be better to teach your children to love and respect themselves, and staying with a woman that cheats on you is not a good example for them. You can still see your children every day as long as you can break up in a civilized manner, not fighting over the kids, screaming, and trying to kill each other. Have a serious talk with her. Listen to what she has to say, but as long as you know she's cheated, you know that she will do it every time you're away. If you need anyone to talk to about this, you can email me at [e-mail].

Answer 5

She treats you like a King when you are home because she feels guilty about what she is doing. I am sorry to be harsh but if she really loved you the way a wife should love a husband, she would not need another man to warm her bed. For that matter if she really respected you she would not be doing this either.
I know that it will be hard to leave her, but she won't be faithful to you. The saying "one a cheater, always a cheater" rings true in your wifes case. There are many, MANY women out there who can love you the way you should be loved.
As for your boys. Be there for them but don't let them anchor you to their mother just to keep the family together. It is not good for them to see men walking into their house while daddy is away. It teaches them cheating is okay.
Good Luck with the road ahead and God speed.

Answer 6

Hi I am a military wife myself and I personally could never be unfaithful to my husband (or significant other in your case) especailly when he was in another country fighting for our country and risking his life. I think you would be crazy to stay with someone with such little respect for you. You deserve so much more than a woman with such loose morals that she needs a f**k buddy everytime you leave for deployment. I really hope you figure things out. This is your decision to make, but try thinking of yourself and your own feelings before worrying about hers. She has betrayed you more than once she will only do it again and again. Be smart, find a good girl that will treat you well and respect you as a man and a Marine. Best of luck -Kristen

Answer 7

Here are your options:

#1 - Keep her and accept her cheating ways - I mean really accept it, not bury the pain and shame you may feel, but almost embrace it because this is who she is. (however this does not set a good example for your kids - but thats another subject)

#2 - Leave her, because she will never change. Is she saying you are not enough to keep her faithful? If she truly respected you and herself she would wait for you only. She is obviously being very selfish when she goes to bed with other men. I can GUARANTEE the moment she is letting this other man take what is yours - she is fully aware she is hurting you. But does she care to stop at any point? Not once, not twice - perhaps MORE than three times! I think she feels if she kisses you *** she can redeem herself in your eyes. Maybe it will work again?

*My feelings are that you sound like a totally wonderful man, I LOVE that fact that you try to out do her "good deeds". I know so many women who pray for a man like that everyday. This woman you are with will ruin you and make you distrustful of other women who have done you no wrong. Perhaps she is the mother of your children, they WILL come to understand when they are old enough. I myself come from divorced parents, and I totally respect my mother for leaving my father who cheated on her as well. I still love them both so much, but as a result I have learned I am too good to let a man disrepect me like my father did my mother. I know he still feels guilt for what he did over 20 years ago, but life went on and everybody has since remarried. But my father also learned his lesson and I have the utmost respect for my mother. I hold no ill will against my father today, he is an honorable man who learned a lesson. It was a lesson to me that parents are people too.

I hope you make the right decision for yourself. I wish you and your children a very Happy Holiday.

(my lil' disclaimer: you may still have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your queen, but when you do she will be worth your wait)

Answer 8

First off thank you for your sacrifice of time for our country and freedom. I don't think you are crazy. I understand that she is a woman and has needs and while you are away it is hard for her as well as it is for you. She should've been faithful to you. The thing to me is there are some military marriages that have the understanding that while deployed both partners are allowed "indiscretions" so long as it is simply for the satisfaction of physical needs. Now, whether or not you two would enter into something like that is between you. The main thing is that if you love her and she is faithful when you are together you have to consider keeping her. The whole thing is up to you though. Follow your heart and do what you feel is right.

Answer 9

If she feels like she can treat you like a king when your there she can do it when your way as well. A queen should be faithful to her king. Some keep there significant other after the first time but after three not so much... since your doubting yourself and asking this question to begin with there is someone out there that will treat you like a king whether your there or not...

Best of Luck! ^^

And if you think to stay with her for the children type thing wouldn't you rather have them have the influence of someone who loves you not someone who will sleep with some else because they were "Weak and lonely..."

Hope you make the best choice for yourself. ^^

Answer 10

You aren't crazy. This is a hard time in your life. The reason she treats you so well is because she feels a little guilty. But I think the best thing for you to do is get out and find a girl friend that you can trust. I would drop her like a hot rock.

Trust me....I know you feel that you might not be able to find someone better. But you CAN!