What do I do if my ex husbands parents are taking my children to the Mormon church against my wishes??

Question

In the parenting plan is states that the religion is "joint". That I aggreed to when I though my ex would agree with me on not taking the 4 kids to this church. I am the custodial parent and I am very EX mormon. My ex husband goes to WORK on sundays and they are going sometimes with his parents or family mombers. Their not even with HIM! I am starting to pick up the kids early sundays mornings witch was ok until my ex started this power trip to have the kids go. He is ex mormon too! In the paperwork the weekend visits are until 7 pm. But he's not ever there with them. I called my Lawyer,(waiting) but your thoughs on the matter or what I should do next would be greatly appreciated! Thanks

my ex has in the paperwork 1 addional overnight visit with the kids that he rerely takes! Also I know the in's and out's of Mormonism and even went through the Mormon temple myself (weird) and how this church brainwashed the kids and makes them feel guilty about not being baptized by the AGE age of 8 and all of that bs. I do not want my kids exposed to that and will do what I have to do. I am raising the kids and have the 98 percent of the time so I feel that I need to be aware of what they are around:) I am the one that has to deal with the outcome. Not my ex and his family! My ex is very dependant on his mommy and daddy! SAD!

Answer 1

Go to your lawyer, and request that you go back to court and have your visitation agreement modified to show "right of first refusal" that means, that if he isn't physically going to be there to be with the kids (or you with them) the other parent has the right to come and pick the child(ren) up and care for them his or her self.

This way, you aren't getting into an argument about the religion aspect -but will have the right to get them on Sundays when he works.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, I have had issues with this as well. They are the children's grandparents and I don't think your lawyer is going to see anything wrong with the kids spending time with them. If dad has to go to work, then dad has the responsibility of finding child care for the kids---whether it be a family member or a day care (if it were a weekday in question). Bottom line is that it's his parenting time, and the kids are not to be back in your care until 7pm. It just seems that you're upset about church and nothing else. I am raising my kids in the religion that I see fit, but I have a "joint" religion stipulation in my agreement as well which basically means that he can expose the kids to any recognized religion of his choosing. Do I like it? No, but I don't suppose that there is any harm in the kids having exposure to a different religion. I'm afraid this won't hold enough water with any lawyer and certainly not with the courts.

Answer 3

Consulting your lawyer was a great first step. I also recommend going to your state/county's Friend of the Court website. They will have all of the info on what is acceptable/unacceptable behavoir.

Since your ex works on Sundays, you could file to change his parenting time to a day that he doesn't work or adding an evening to his time so that the kids will get to be with him.

If it comes down to it, list out all the reasons that you left the church. Something in there will surley be a compelling reason for the judge to stop the grandparents from taking the children to church.

Answer 4

I'd talk this over with the ex one more time. I'd see if we could adjust the timing of the visits to other days or times when he is available to spend his time with them. Maybe trade Sunday day for a Sunday spend the night and I'll pick them up in the morning visit.

All else failing..Since you are the custodial parent and he and you are both as you say anti Mormon. I'd write him a certified letter stating that fact and wait for him to answer (proof). That failing, I'd hope that he told the truth and I'd return to the court system and have the order revised which would not allow his parents to take them to their church without your prior approval.

Answer 5

Ask your lawyer to file a motion to modify the custody agreement that specifies religious preferences. I can't believe that your lawyer didn't suggest that in the beginning, prior to final settlement. I am protestant, and my ex is pagan. But, while married, he allowed the kids to be baptized in my church prior to divorcing, so I made sure that it was a stipulation in our divorce decree that the children would only be exposed to Christian practices, because his mother also belongs to an alternative religion that I would not want my children to be exposed to, and his brother is Mormon as well!

Its not about bashing one religion, it is about the fact that they are your children, his mother had her chance to raise her kids in her church, you are the mother that decides where your children worship, or even if they do. I would seek an order restraining the grandparents from taking the kids to services. You may not be able to stop your husband from taking them, but you can put a stop to his parents/family members from having influence in the religious preference of your children.

Answer 6

He's their dad and gets to make choices jointly with you. It's not as easy as just changing a legal agreement because the court recognized his legal rights too-you don't just get to walk in there and say "Ah, yeah this isn't working so well for me, can you take away his rights?" They just aren't going to do it, any more than if you decided you didn't like the color of your neighbor's hair-they have rights too and they aren't going to take those rights away to appease you.
He has the right to decide if his kids can visit his parents on his time, just like on YOUR time you get to decide whether they can spend the night at a friends house or whatever else. I bet you aren't with your kids every waking second of YOUR parenting time either-it's just not going to fly before a judge, sorry.
"Your wishes" don't really matter as long as the kids are not in danger-I bet you do a lot of things against his wishes too, but he can't take you to court over those either.
If you REALLY care about your kids, make the most of the time you have with them, and gently guiden them on the right paths. My honest opinion is that you are ALSO on a power trip with the visitation, so accusing him of also being so is the pot meeting the kettle, I think.
Bottom line? That is HIS court appointed time, and the fact that it is not convenient for you or thrilling you doesn't matter. He is their parent with court awarded rights. I'm sorry that you don't like it, but turn your anger into something possitive and make the most of the time you have without hurting your kids by trying to alienate their dad

Answer 7

Well, I would stay out of what happens when it is his time with the children, whether they are with his parents or not.

Would you want him interfering with you, etc. when it is your time with the children? Or interfering where you take them to church?

When the children get old enough they can then choose what religion they want to be if any.

Get the lawyers out of it. Good grief. Pretty sad if a petty situation like this cannot be handled without a lawyer.

You need to chill. Take advantage of your time with them, and leave your ex alone.

Hope you were not this controlling in the marriage.

Answer 8

If that is the father's visitation time, he has every right to take the kids (or have them taken) to the church of his choosing. That is what is meant by the religious upbringing being 'joint'. Would you want him to be able to prevent you from taking the kids to a church of your choosing on the weekends they are with you? So what if he has to work? Would you want to lose custody because you have to work on the days you have the kids at home? Try seeing things from both sides...

Answer 9

call your lawyer and see if you can get a court date and have the custody issue ammended to include the kids not going to the mormon church . I can understand this issue cause I am catholic and my exs parents would take my kids to their baptist church and their grandmother took their rosarys off and hid them . I got the custody amended and they were no longer allowed to go to their grandparents church . I will pray for you that all works out . Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

They are your kids, but it sounds like you are just plain bitter. Is this really about what is best for the kids or you hating your ex, his family and anything that you associate with him?

There are far worse places they could be and worse things that they could be doing besides attending church. Perhaps some socialization with kids their own age, some stability, and some good values (whether you agree with the doctrine or not) might be helpful to the kids.

This may not be what you want to hear, but I wanted to offer another perspective.