I love my husband very much, but sometimes...?

Question

Sometimes when I am alone (at work, out shopping, etc.) I wonder what it would be like if I just didn't go home. I wonder how it would feel to just keep driving past the house until I felt like stopping. I wonder what he would do without me there when he gets home from work every day. I wonder what I could do on my own. Not forever. Just for a little while.
But I always go home and do the things a good little wife is suppossed to do with no help and very little thanks.

Has anyone else ever felt this way and how did you get through it?

Answer 1

It sounds like you are feeling bogged down. Maybe a weekend away with the girls would rejuvinate you! Or maybe some sort of weekend retreat on your own? Or, perhaps you could just take up a class that is just for you- a language course, a writing or art class? (whatever interests you) January would be a good time to start something that is just for you!

Answer 2

Been there, my dear! Sometimes escaping sounds like the best solution in the world--but you sort of know deep down that it won't be.

How did I get over it? Well, the not being thanked for things that I did, I explained to him what it meant to me to receive a thank you. When he still didn't comply, then I just stopped doing things. Because yes, you want to be the perfect wife, but only if he's also willing to be the perfect husband. You both will probably never achieve that status, but at least you're trying, right?

To my husband, the fact that he works hard at work is enough. he doesn't think that he should have to do any of the housework, and oftentimes he won't even take out the garbage like he's supposed to. He's also supposed to look after the cars--oil changes, washing, etc. He NEVER does that, I go to have it done professionally.

It would be easy for me to nag him about it, but I don't. He used to want me to fix all his meals for him, but now he understands that I'm busy so he will usually fix something for himself. I know he feels neglected, but it's better than me driving myself nutso trying to get everything done, on top of the things that I want to get done as a human being.

My suggestion to you would be to escape every now and again. Not every night, maybe not once a week--but once in awhile you need to get out of the house and do things that YOU want to do, just so that you can let off some steam.

Answer 3

I would sit him down and tell him how you feel. That is a terrible feeling. I grew up in an abusive home. I was emotionally abused even after I moved out of my parents' house.

When I got my first apartment, I declared that it was my safe place. It was the one place in the entire world where I could go and feel good and at home. I brought two cats into my safe place and made a home.

When I met my wife, she had been abused too. When we created a home, I did not think of telling her about my safe place and I should have. She had been abused by a man for 19 years and did not know a safe place. We went to a therapy session together and I told her about my safe place.

She embraced the concept and within two weeks, had a totally different view of our home. She now has her safe place too.

I say all of this, because I find it sad that your safe place isn't your home. You do not feel like you should in your home and I know many women just live with that, but you should not just live with it.

Tell your husband that you want to truly feel a part of your home and that you are not just there to do his bidding.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 4

Yes, just a little while ago actually! I get this feeling when I start feeling sorry for myself and the self-esteem is running on fumes! You really wouldn't be happier because you would just do it all over again with someone else. It's called self pity! Being a staying at home parent is never appreciated as much as doing the 9-5 and I sometimes feel isolated and feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines, while everyone else is steaming ahead! Stay positive and press on, thats the only way!~

Answer 5

Is your husband not being enough appreciative enough? I can't say if i have felt like this cause i am just about to get married in 2 weeks so i hope i don't have those thoughts. I am not being rude, if that's what your thinking. Is it that you might not be happy with your marriage? You and your husband should go to a romantic weekend and after you might be more in tune with each other.
But i do hope you get across this bridge in your marriage cause every marriage will go through with this at some point or another.

Answer 6

I'm pretty sure my wife has felt like that towards me... I'm sure your husband appreciates you very much... He might just be very busy and has been overlooking the hard work and effort you've been putting into your marriage.... Sometimes us men don't vocalize how much we appreciate our wives for what they do for us. I encourage you to tell your husband how you feel and let him know that you need for him to make you feel appreciated for the little things you do for him and your family.

You will get through this but you must see yourself doing what you do as if you were doing it for God and not man. And know that God appreciates your faithfulness and loves you very much. Once you look at it from that perspective, it helps you not to be disappointed when those who you love the most comes up short in being a disappointment. Another way you can look at the situation is by asking yourself how much do you thank God for what He has blessed you with. How much do you show God that you're appreciative for what He has done for you? Just something to think about...

May God Bless you and your family

Answer 7

Yeah, I did. With my first marriage. Boy was I stupid. So I got out just to see what freedom feels like. Well hon, let me tell you what freedom feels like. I can drive pass my house and just keep driving. Heck I can have an accident and no one gives a ***. I come home, no one is home. If I turn the light off, no one else will be there to turn it on. Yeah, that's what freedowm feels like, feels a lot like loneliness. After i got married again. The first night I went home from work. My husband called me, we talked about dinner plans, he said "see you at home!" I almost bursted out crying. I took for granted how it feels to go home to someone. So you keep that in mind when you have thoughts of breaking free, it comes with a price.

Answer 8

That's a normal feeling especially if you're having a tough time in your marriage. Both you and your husband need a break away from each other. Maybe one weekend you can go out alone or with your girlfriends and the same for your husband. You also need to sit your husband down and talk to him like an adult, not a child.

Answer 9

I can't say that I have felt that way... I love going home and seeing my husband. I completely understand the little thanks that comes with the "job". Apart from this, take some time to yourself. These feeling will only grow into resentment and anger if you continue the way you do. If you feel like going shopping, go. Go to a movie, to dinner with a friend, go get your nails done, etc. These are all great destressers and it sounds like you could use it.

Answer 10

You may be surprised at how little some men would care...

I do almost everything and my wife is more like a little child. I can't even get her to go to the doctor for the typical womans checkup... I do the laundry... cooking, cleaning... child rearing... I wish she WOULD keep driving so I could find an adult to be with...

Also, if you feel that way, then keep driving. He doesn't need someone who thinks like you. He would probably be better off with someone who was sure they wanted to be with him.