my friend said her husband told her she wants a divorce last night and she is a crying ball of a mess. i live far away and i dont know what to say? what is appropriate whats not?
2007-12-14 06:54:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her that everything she is feeling is normal. It is a loss and it is ok to grieve. Tell her it will be hard but that you believe that her strength will get her through it. Depending on what stage she is in disbelief, acceptance, anger, tell her that peace of mind will come back to her in a matter of time. It will be a struggle but she can do it and she has a good friend to help her with it.
Let her know that she can tell you her thoughts - whatever they are and you will be supportive. Let her know that her emotions will be like a rollercoster and that's normal. Try to gently remind her not to make any rash decisions while she is upset - she will want to walk away with her head held high. Grace and Dignity.
In the meantime try to make sure she occupies her time - it will not help if she is overcome with idle time to think and dwell. Give her ideas.
Also - there is a book called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-up Buddy" the title sounds harsh but a friend gave it to me and I kid you not - it helped me put one foot in front of another. It is an easy read and I read it quickly.
Good luck and take care.
2007-12-14 09:39:58 · answer #1 · answered by avigirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to her, tell her that's sad, that's wrong, that's too bad, tell her you love her, whatever. But DO NOT say anything bad about her husband. Because if you do, if they get back together, what's been said can't be taken back. And if they don't, it's still not your place to run him down. Just listen to her and say you understand, but don't add to her complaints. Just listen. Nothing else you can do. Maybe ask her to come and visit you. Not necessary to leave your life and go be with her. Phone is great, as is mail. Send her cards (at her work, not at home where he might intercept them, if that is possible). Just be present via phone, computer, mail... and do a lot of listening. Be aware that you may hear the same things over and over again... and remember to take care of yourself emotionally. Don't take on all her sadness. Be there for her, but remember this is her situation, and you aren't the one getting divorced. You can only be supportive if you stay sane, yourself. Have happy or funny things to tell her about when you are on the phone with her, too.
Take care, and good luck.
You are a good friend, and a blessing to her!
2007-12-14 07:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by purplesometimes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her out,hang out with her.just be there for her cuz she'll need a friend now.talk to her on the phone too and let her know she can call whenever,even in the wee hours of the morning if need be.
if the guy is a real scumbag then she probably deserves better anyway and it's not like the world is ending,she can still have a good life.
you probably shouldn't tell her that her world isn't ending(what i just said) but the other things might be okay.
2007-12-14 07:00:20 · answer #3 · answered by Helen of Troy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you can say. I think just listening is a good thing. She'll want someone on the other line when she cries. My mom was that friend for me when I went through my divorce 8 years ago. I was devastated and she just listened. It was a big help.
2007-12-14 07:09:56 · answer #4 · answered by A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-11 07:09:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation as your friend and I would just want my friends to be there and listen. There's not really much you can say except you're sorry she's dealing with this and at such a terrible time. Try to be available for her to talk when she feels the need.
2007-12-14 06:59:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let your friend know that you are there for her when she needs someone to talk to
Whatever you do dont' trash him it's not going to help divorce is confusing and hurtful enough Dont' add fuel to the fire by trashing him
Just be her friend
2007-12-14 07:38:36 · answer #7 · answered by rebel_angel031 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing you can tell her is that you are sorry this is happening to her, and also just some words of encouragement something like You are going to be OK, you are going to gt through this. My opinion is that you should not be doing the talking. Listening is most important.
2007-12-14 06:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by Twiggy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her your there for her and if she needs someone to talk to be available for her at any time. Divorce can be very ugly and very hard for some people to deal with.
2007-12-14 06:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by Ray D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOstly what she's going to need is for you to listen. Don't trash him it won't help. Tell her how sorry you are that she's going through this and that you're here anytime she wants to talk. That's about all you can do.
2007-12-14 06:58:55 · answer #10 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋