Sacrificing too much for fiance?

Question

I'm engaged to be married and suddenly I'm having mixed feelings about everything. I feel that I'm sacrificing too much for my fiance and he's not willing to sacrifice or compromise as much for me. I'm beginning to learn that he's very closed minded, me however, I'm the opposite. One example is me always wanting to adopt at least 1 of my kids and give birth to the other. He is not supportive of the idea because "he's never done it before and doesn't want to ever do it." I asked him that even if it was one of his wife's desires to adopt 1 child would he go through with it...he said, "You can't have all of your desires, that's just the way life is." Now I'm at a crossroad. The things I truly love are things he seems to not be willing to compromise with. Is it worth it to sacrifice so much when the person you're with is not sacrificing hardly anything at all?

I would really appreciate sincere and thoughtful answers. Thank you. :)

Answer 1

I have read that we are attracted to people who are opposite to us in some respect, making them more interesting and the other person compliments who we are. However, the example you used about wanting to adopt is more of a fundamental family issue. Before giving up on marriage ask your fiance if he would go to pre-marital counseling with the idea that you bring up point of difference like the children thing. you ill also have an opportunity to talk about how to handle finances etc. It would be very helpful.

Answer 2

I believe that children should not be a compromise in any relationship. In order to be happy you should have them same goals and feelings about children otherwise there will be fights and someone always ends up getting hurt. It is one of the most important things to discuss before marriage.

You should not have to sacrifice more than him. This should be a two-way street. He is right that you cannot have EVERYTHING you want in life, but there are some things that you should be able to get. And when it comes to an innocent child's life there should be NO compromise.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Okay, people often have mixed feelings and questions right before they get married. They begin to see all of their partners faults because they're really contemplating if they want to be with this person for the rest of their lives. If it really bothers you that your finace is unable to compromise, you should at least wait awhile to be married, and talk to him about it. If he is unwilling to do that for you, he will never be any different. People only change if they want to. They only change for themselves, not for anyone else.

What concerned me about your post was saying you wanted to adopt a child with someone who doesn't want to. Please do not do this. Adoptive children need A LOT of love. They are very insecure and they needs tons of attention. If they have a parent who doesn't care about them, it will hurt them horribly. Also, if you do adopt, have your own baby first, wait until that child is school aged, and then adopt. It is difficult to give equal love and attention to a child who is yours and a child who is not yours, especially if your child is a baby and the adopted child is older, because babies automatically require more attention. If your husband is not completely on board, do not adopt, for the sake of the child.

Answer 4

A good foundation for marriage is all about compromise and acceptance. It sounds to me like he just isn't the one for you. As silly as it sounds, I always knew I would never marry someone who didn't love cats, as I couldn't envision my life without atleast 2 in my home at all times. Can you imagine NOT wanting to adopt? If you marry him, your want to adopt may turn to resentment that will just lead to a lot more problems in the future. Some things you want are just who you are and shouldn't be taken from you. As for me, I don't love my cats more than my husband, however, I cannot imagine life without them either. When something is really important to you, you shouldn't be made to choose.

Answer 5

well if he doesn't want to adopt, you cannot make him. Does he want children at all? Value that if he does because my husband wants to have no more children other than my daughter who is almost 2, which kills me because i'de like to try and have a son someday. But I have to respect his wishes, which if you love this man you do too. Adoption is a nice thing to do, but you have to have 100% participation on both sides, and if he doesn't want that its really not the end of the world.

Answer 6

If something that you have discussed is a deal breaker then don't compromise on it. But if the things that you are discussing are just desires then expect to have to compromise some of them... No one person can ever be everything to you but you have to decide what's acceptable to compromise and what isn't...

Answer 7

Its good that you're figuring this stuff out now, before you get married. I made the mistake of marrying a guy who decided he NEVER wanted kids. We ended up getting a divorce. If you can't come to an agreement about your future now, what makes you think you will down the road?

Answer 8

Marriage is about a lifetime of sacrifice and committment - and TRUST me if you have a partner who isn't interested in compromise sooner or later you will get very very tired of being the only one giving in your relationship.

Answer 9

Im gonna anticipate you do no longer smoke that stuff with him in case you like him to offer up that badly. i visit be straight away forward and that i'm hoping you don't get indignant. it is been 5 years because of the fact that he's been smocking pot and in all those years he hasn't stopped for you yet. To me that shows straight away disrespect for you. August is purely around the nook, truthfully, if he hasn't stopped yet and you haven't any longer shown him your particularly going to pass away him if he keeps, then no, he knows of he ought to smash out with it and you at the instant are not gonna do something approximately it, he ought to no longer supply up smoking. If he's no longer waiting to admire you, then he's no longer waiting to get married. i think of your making a huge mistake by making use of having married till now he shows you his admire and love by making use of combating. you could desire to be better and supply him an altermatum, reason correct now, interestingly he knows of he ought to do regardless of he needs. i'm hoping you could decide for the excellent course till now you get married.

Answer 10

Marriage is about compromise.

Get into pre-marital counseling. It'll help tremendously. You can work out all these little unresolved issues (and he can't shut you out when you want to talk about them!). You need to resolve them NOW while you aren't married...

Good luck

-kiki