What major decision do women make regarding a potential husband that is not the best way to evaluate a husband

Question

I am a retired psychiatric social worker. I have been married twice. In many courses including sociology marriage and family-it indicated that we tend to marry one of our parents (not literally). Parents of both couple's behavior and personality comes out in the individuals. I have seen some of this in both of my marriages. I have always based marriage on love, not a car, a house, or unfortunately, an education. I divorced the first time because he would rather drink than switch. The second one (18 yrs) has mood swings and does stupid violent things like my father. I would like to know what is the best method by which one chooses a mate for life. Men welcome. I especially like men who have remote control drapes. (private)

Answer 1

Well, Gee. Guess I'm just lucky I have the same woman for 35 years. ( not counting courting and engagement).

I've pondered this a whole lot and the only thing I can say is I got lucky. I have not been the better half of this marriage. She'll go to heaven when she dies since the spot is already reserved. Not that she hasn't pushed my hot buttons and I hers. We aren't sloppy drooling over each other, either.

I'm no prize and she is in better health and looks than me even though I am 2 years older. Being a cop for 28-29 years wasn't good on either of us so I guess, we were just blessed, if there is such a thing. Is life heaven? Hell no. But I think we actually like each other after a bunch of years. Now, it seems we are more allied than we used to be. Kids are pretty much gone and we are pretty much relaxed. Both still work but only about 35 hrs a week for each of us . Don't need Viagra but a good dinner and a nice movie is good also.

You tell me what the secret is and I'll bottle it and sell it. Like I said, must just be my time to be lucky.

Answer 2

I think you have it right to go with love. But as you say, wisely, in my opinion, although love is necessary, it is not sufficient. Check also for spontaneous breathing, somewhat comparable intelligence, education, social and cultural station and living on the same continent. But if all that is present, then what remains is love. But how do you know if you are in love, lust, pathological mutual back scratching, or what?

Authentic love can be identified this way - in the other person's presence you feel your feelings. They make you feel what you are feeling rather than feel busy, oppressed, or boxed in. Also, if you are in love, the world will appear to be gorgeous and full of interesting new and old things. You may not even notice that you are in love, or know with whom, but when it looks like someone just turned on the lights in the world, be suspicious.

Also, real love does not require isolation from your other friends (unless you are in a band of thieves). Real love is open, relaxed, and mixes well with others you may love. Real love makes you feel safe, attractive, interesting and interested, curious, full of music, and enthusiastic, full of goals and potential, promise.

There is no urgency or jealousy with authentic love.

I don't know about remote control drapes but I once made an self-cleaning guinea pig cage that had a converor belt under it to catch the jelly beans and move them along to a catch tube which eventually dumped them out a small hole under the window into the lady under me's patio. She eventually objected to me dumping guinea pig poop into her patio but it took her a while to figure out where it was coming from. The other problem tho was that they'd chew through the floor nd then want to play on the conveyor belt. Invariably they'd get their head or their foot or their tail wound up in it and have to go for the whole two hour ride, upside down, through the water tray, and I'm afraid a lot of them couldn't swim.

I'd be afraid of remote control drapes. What if the guy next door comes home and uses his garage door opener and your drapes fling open at a bad time?

Answer 3

Really? No ones answering your question? I think this is interesting! Well if you find out, let me know sister. I'm not married myself, but most of the men I've dated showed just the qualities I hated in my father but somehow I never noticed until years into the relationship....I wonder how to avoid that too!

Answer 4

i think of you learn extra from assertion than from interviewing him. in case you or your moms and dads have already began to confirm this guy as a skill husband - the flow/No-flow standards are all met. (is he muslim, does he have a job, is he a ethical individual, and so on...) enable's settle for it, in case you manage it as an interview, you will get solutions he thinks you opt to take heed to so he can galvanize you. i could say it extremely is extra considerable to confirm how he acts once you do no longer ask him questions. without attempting to place in writing a e book approximately this and not understanding your courtship customs I particularly have some insights. while he gets himself something (a drink, a snack, and so on) does he convey you something without your having to ask? Does he ***** approximately different people who annoy him? while he waits for something, how does he behave? Does he smile while he sees you? Does he whisper to others once you're around? If this is going to be the guy you spend your lifestyles with, you are able to desire to substantiate he's going to handle you nicely and placed your needs and desires equivalent to his very own.

Answer 5

I did the same thing twice-married my mother(not literally of course)abusive alcoholics-- the third time I married myself and its been the best for 20 years! Look for someone who shares common values and a common temperament with a sense of humor-