I have been in a serious relationship for 5 years. I have started to put pressure under him to talk about our future, marriage, buying a house & kids. He blatantly told me he is not ready for marriage. Why can't I just be satisfied with our situation now? We live together & I do everything for him. I am starting to wonder why I do that if he can't make a more serious commitment at 29 years old. Am I expecting too much or does he want the best of both worlds?
2007-12-14 05:04:40 · 26 answers · asked by reddevil 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I only waited 2 years, so I don't know why some wait 5.
2007-12-14 05:08:09 · answer #1 · answered by jezzabell 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You need to ask him why he's not ready....5 years is a fairly long time so how is it different to get married then? The thought of the permanence of it may scare him as well as talk of kids...don't pressure him but have a talk about why he does not want to get married or plan for the upcoming future regarding marriage. If he can't give you a concrete answer and reasons then I would say it's time to reconsider being with him, he may not ever want to settle down like you and you have already put 5 years into the relationship and he is not ready....what happens if another 5 years go by and he still isn't ready? Also 29 is not that young, so he should know what he wants from life and if he wants marriage and kids in his future or not.
2007-12-14 05:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think your expecting the best of both worlds, and I was JUST thinking the same thing!!! My boyfriend and I have been together what will be 4 years in February. We live together and everything so it's only natural that marriage would be the next step. We even got pregnant....but I had a miscarriage :-( and we are still just boyfriend/girlfriend. He has communicated to me about getting married a couple of times, and I think he may want to, but there are no steps that are being taken to make it happen. I figure if we aren't at least engaged by this up coming summer I will dump him........I love him, but I think he needs to get the message some how, talk is cheap.
2007-12-14 05:17:01 · answer #3 · answered by PrincessJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Except for the semi-reliable assurance of regular sex, men don't need marriage. If the man offered a legally binding written contract to the woman stipulating a level of commitment for both parties including responsibilities with dates and remedies in the event of non-compliance or dissatisfaction, would the woman accept it? If yes then the only missing is a ceremony, expensive dress and party. If no, then she's not ready for marriage.
Marriage evolved from a time when women were valuable because they could produce sons to take care of parents and assets in later years. Having many wives was a sign of prosperity and a greater assurance of future stability. The romance was added much later when monogamous relationships became the recommended method.
Today when one partner loses interest in the marriage for whatever reason, the only solution is divorce because most people expect fidelity (why I don't know) as part of the contract. In a contract you could include a clause stipulating fidelity terms such as what one could do when the other has a long term illness for instance.
You BF is ahead of his time but not by much I suspect.
2007-12-14 05:23:47 · answer #4 · answered by bardmere 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There could be many reasons. But ask youself this: Why do you want to get married? Do you feel that he is not committed to you if he doesn't? Some people don't look at marriage like a 'committment' anymore. Some look at it like its a contract that just gets in the way of a relationship.
I've been with the same girl for over 7 years. I love her to death. She wants to get married, but I would be fine if we never did. Why? Because I think it is a waste of money and it doesn't benefit us in any way except to realize her dream of having a wedding. Am I not committed because I don't want to get married? No, I am very committed....we just bought a house together.
Women have been brought up to believe that marriage is the ultimate committment and they should have it because it is a milestone that must be achieved in life.....next will be a house with children....and so on.
Well, men have gotten so screwed by marriage in the past that they look at it as the ultimate sacrifice they have to make in order to please their woman.
Now obviously there are many different opinions, but just because some guys will have my opinion doesn't mean that they are bad.
I was married for 2 years and divorced. Now I'm not married for over 7 and very happy. Which worked out better? Ask my ex-wife......whose still single today.
If you can't be happy without getting married, then the problem is you. Marriage doesn't make people happier. If you aren't happy now, you won't be happy after.
2007-12-14 05:17:47 · answer #5 · answered by Jay E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he has a problem with commitment and that he does want the best of both worlds. For him, it's like he can have his cake and it too. If it really bothers you, let him know that you want to get married and have kids and all that good stuff. If he's seriously against it and refuses to change then maybe it's time to move on. I definitely don't think you're expecting too much. I think dating is supposed to lead to a closer relationship and a commitment like marriage.
2007-12-14 05:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by fireqqueen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has commitment issues. I would sit down with him and ask him why he does not want to show any signs that this relationship is going to progress towards permenance.
Sounds like he may want the best of both worlds, but he might just be afraid also. Either way, dont let him string you along during your child-bearing years (OK i know that sounds bad and maybe a little sexist, but you said you want children... so im just trying to put it into perspective) If he loved you, he would at least tell you WHY he is hesitating. If you cant get through to him how important it is to you that he shows some sign of wanting to progress towards permanence (god i cant spell today) it may be time for an ultimatum.
2007-12-14 05:09:03 · answer #7 · answered by melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems he is not sure of the relationship he is having with you.A woman can't wait for such a long period as you did.it may also be a case that he has some other female in his mind or he is having some affair with that one.I find it very strange , how a man at 29 asks you to wait after having a long relationship with you for 5 years.
Please verify whether he is clan one at heart or not.I doubt the integrity of this man .
God Bless.
2007-12-14 05:11:49 · answer #8 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with mine for eight years, and it is the same thing!! I hate it. I have had my engagement ring since 2002. No plans at all yet for the wedding, we don't even talk about it anymore! Guys nowadays like ours get used to us, love us, and don't see a reason to change a good thing. But WE do! I don't want to get married with wrinkles and grey hair in my wedding album to someone I have been with since I was young and could have come out awesome in the pics! Not only that, when your wedding anniversary comes, it's like, "Yeah, it's our first anniversary, but we have been together for 15 years (etc)."!!
2007-12-14 05:10:09 · answer #9 · answered by Becksstein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
strengthen freakin' up! in case you leave one guy especially to circulate to a diverse guy, it somewhat is technically adultery. in the experience that your husband is negligent, then document for divorce and baby help and get on with it. Get accessible interior the international and get a job. The greater self-reliant you're, the greater valuable issues would be for you. Take some time in relationship this new guy... be certain it somewhat is the main appropriate next step.
2016-11-26 23:36:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he doesn't realize he has the best of both worlds, try asking him if feels he has the best of both worlds. You might get your answer and then the 6 years would never be , because he may tell you the truth. That he is looking for the best of that both world.
2007-12-14 05:11:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋