How can I save my marriage or is it too late?

Question

We have been together for 8 years, married for 2. He and my 20 yr old daughter don't get along. HE told her she could move back home to go back to school. She has an infant. She went back to HIGH SCHOOL. He picks on her all the time. Always finding something to complain about. He says I always take her side. I tell him he always picks on her. He calls her nasty names which I take as a disrespect to me. He hardly works. Gets a job, then quits. We always have money problems. I smartened up and thought if I stopped paying HIS bills then maybe he would step up and grow up. NOPE. His cell phone got cut off and his truck has been hidden from the repo man. Instead he now drives MY car that I just got in July. I just get to pay for it. He has a job this month, but when he got his first paycheck, already stated that if his next one is this short, he is going to quit. He threatens all the time that he is going to leave. Finally told him, that if he was leaving, go ahead.

Answer 1

It is too late and not worth saving. Get out NOW!

Answer 2

Hi Dear I'm a man (LOL) Guess what I get to work (20) hours on christmas day yes 20 hours, has your husband ever heard of over time pay. that way the check is bigger not smaller.
hey hunny I don't want to cause a divorce or give bad advice.
I don't go to church but i'll say this, The bible says a man that won't work should not eat! How can he find fault in anyone when he's letting a woman (you) keep him. I'm so sorry but I have to say this I feel that this isn't a marriage at all.
I would also say that he's the free ride type. I just couldn't live like that. You don't have anymore to give, lets say your a savings account and he's always making withdrawals. The bank is going to be empty if he doesn't make some deposits. I'd bet he also asks you for money.
This is not a man if he has no shame. His work ethic sucks.
It's time for you to stop trying to save the day, the marriage or anything else Love yourself and please don't be mad for me saying this but I'd put his butt out of the house I hope this helps Dear.

Answer 3

i feel very sorry for you because you are caught in the middle but more sorry for your daughter because she has to put up with this with no choice. You on the other hand are the one allowing this STOP he will not change. The fact he picks on your child is awful he probably feels bad about himself and concetrating on someone els problems takes the attention off of himself. Your daughter will have problems but not because of her choices but because she has in a way been set up to fail by having a man in her life to treat her like crap. If she ever finds a good man she won't even feel comfortable because she was taught love has to hurt therefore she will seek out abusive relationships and this will affect her children. If you were single i would say go ahead but your relationship affects to many people especially now that you were a grandaughter. Years after your gone would you want your grandaughter in her living room letting her husband call her child names break the cycle now Love your daughter first you can get a new man but you can't get another daughter! All that said your husband is also irresponsible so what kind of example has she had. This guy is just a total loser give yourself a chance to be happy with someone els tied to him you never will be.

Answer 4

it's not to late but if he's acting like this now what makes you think that he's going to change unless he wants to

You may need to seek some counselling and tell him openly and honestly how you feel about how you and your daughter are bieng treated

If he threatens to leave all the time just say look i am tired of your threats i don't have to live like this

I had something similar and i told the guy hey your not a prisoner here no ones forcing you to stay. It shocked him

Chances are there is more than meets the eye here

I would try to understand where he is coming from too. talk to him let him know your concerns and feelings and why you feel the way that you do

But even though she is your daughter she has to own her mistakes too you can't shelter her forever. But i understand he has no right to call her names

But if he feels that you are always going against him then maybe there are some legitamite concerns

Only way you are going to know is if you are talking to him

Marriage is a partnership it's teamwork. And Contrary to what its' portrayed there are going to be problems but You can get through them it's just going to take some work

There are lots of things that you can do to save your marriage girl it's never to late if you try

Sometimes it's not salvageable realistically but most times it is

Answer 5

Hi,
Actually there seems to be a lot of factor loaded against him. He seems to be quite irresponsible and disrespectful. But I have one question. What is your feeling for him? Do you love him? Do you get any happiness from him? If you dont, then, there is no further question at all, you need to take charge of your life and tell him that it is better he leaves.
You seem to want to save the marriage. That can only be because you love him after all this also. So, you need to decide now. Whether your love or feelings for him should return you all the troubles he is giving you and your daughter now. Sometimes we have to take decisions that may be difficult but that would be for our good. You are in such a state now. Even if you love him, I think it is dfficult for him to change soon and hence you may find it very difficut to save your marriage. He has got quite used to the comforts of your love and care.
You are married to him only for 2 years, and you know him only for 8 years, your daughter is with you for 20 years. He should have loved and taken care of her, rather than abusing her and affecting her.
I think you have only one option, and that is for your good. It may be painful, but dont you think if you dont do it early, you will get more and more affected and perhaps your living conditions may get worse?
Keep your cool and think calmly. I am sure you will take the right decision, you are a capable woman.
Take care, All the best..

Answer 6

Face it. You picked badly and if you are asking these questions you will make the same mistakes again because you have not learned how to not pick a loser like him in the future.

It is not too late. It is not soon enough. Get out of this marriage, separate your finances immediately so you don't end up having to pay his bills because he is a deadbeat. You told him to go ahead and leave. So why are you asking us for advice to save this thing? GET OUT NOW!!!

As for the thing with your daughter he is just trying to guilt you into letting him get away with treating her like crap. He is trying to break her down so that he can score with her! You need to protect yourself, her and the grand kid from this guy.

Answer 7

Sounds like a one sided affair to me. Did you marry because you wanted to go to a wedding or was there really some love and mutual respect.
The world is made up of givers and takers, you obviously teamed up with a taker.
Every situation like this has three sides, your side , his side and the truth.. Search for the truth, then base you action upon that. There are ways to exit gracefully, if that is the solution..
The important thing is CHANGE is necessary. If things don't change then act accordingly. Good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like you're dragging an anchor.
I'm a big fan of solving it if it's solveable, but this picture looks pretty bleak.
The thing about him not working, and the money problems - that just smacks of lack of personal responsibility.
If he's threatening to leave, well, lock up your car and put his stuff on the curb.

Answer 9

Why in the world would you even want to save your marriage.. First of all.. NEVER put a man before your daughter.... my daughter first.. so if a man is being an asshoe then bye bye.. and he's a bum that you are supporting.. You need a man that is going to support you.. Tell him to leave, but make sure he does leave.

Answer 10

He isn't going to leave you, he is a freeloader! You need to leave HIM, not the other way around. If he is living in your home, kick him out and change the locks...and give him some divorce papers on his way out. There is no way that I would let a man like this drive MY new car...if it's in your name and he takes it again, call the cops and report it as stolen. Anyway...good luck!

Answer 11

Seriously this guy seems so not worth the effort! Can his sorry @ss and find a man that can keep a job and pay his own bills. It's not worth it. Not even close to being worth it. Do what is best for you and your family and move on.

You deserve better, A LOT BETTER.