How do you tell your sister-in law that her husband has been cheating on her with someone that he works with?

Answer 1

Say to her,,, I hear you guys have a open marriage...

Answer 2

Well, speaking from a BS's experience, Your sister-in-law deserves to know. You should make sure that her H is cheating and make sure you have proof. If you have undeniable proof and there is no way you could be made out to be a liar, I would got to the husband first and say, "look, I know what you are doing and your wife deserves to know. So you tell her or I will." Give him a week or so to come clean and if he doesn't-- go to her, and tell her. Just sit her down and tell her what you are about to tell her is going to be very upsetting but you feel she has a right to know and decide what to do with her life. Show her the proof. Be a shoulder to cry on and be there to listen. Then let her decide what to do.

I repeat, DO NOT tell her unless you have proof!!! Her H will deny, deny, deny, and you will look like a fool.

Good luck! And give her a hug for me cause I've been there and it hurts so much.

ETA: I found out by my H's neice. She thought I had a right to know. But, I was the last one to know and it made me feel even worse!

I would think if this was your brother you would have already talked to him about it. I'm thinking it's your husand's sister right?

Answer 3

Unless you have SOLID CONCRETE evidence..don't go there.

If you have proof, do it gently AND privately. What she chooses to do with the info you provide is her business. You telling her about an affair is not you interfering in the marriage. Interference happens when you tell her what to do about it.

Be prepared this won't be pretty and she'll probably be very upset, but at the same time as a woman she probably already suspects something is up with her husband so you may be providing her with a sort of relief (?? not sire if relief is the right word, but hopefully you catch my point...wondering about infidelity can drive us women insane!!)

Just be there for her, and try to be supportive of any action plan she decides to make. She might not leave him (this time) Either way..She DESERVES to know, she is entitled to know and most importantly...as much as it would hurt or "screw" things up.. wouldn't you want to know???

Answer 4

My two cents - If you have solid evidence, send her an anonymous card giving details and mail it out from some place else. How on earth can you not tell someone close to you that her husband is having an affair??. How can someone live with themself if they know this was happening and they just keep quiet. I'd be pissed if I knew my sister in law knew my husband was having an affair and didn't tell me!. But then again, how you tell her is the trick here. I actually wouldn't want to get personally involved. I'd tell her anonymously only if I have seen proof of the affair over time. Sometimes it comes back hard on you coz if they fight the issue over and maybe work it out between themselves, you will be the person that sticks out like a sore thumb because you're the one that snitched!. Her husband won't feel comfortable around you anymore and you'll feel like the bad person even though you're not. You may be trying to help out, but sometimes it doesn't work out the way you think it should. But then again, she should know about the affair even if its none of your business coz I know you'd want someone to tell you if your husband or wife were doing something behind your back right??.
Like I said, if I were you, I'd definately let her know anonymously and just be there for her if she wants to talk about it.

Answer 5

For all of you that said mind your own business kindly go jump off a cliff.

My biggest regret after finding out my wife had been cheating on me was that no one was willing to let me know. It wasn't until she told me she was leaving that I even wondered if there was another man. We had fallen into a routine but I had no idea how unhappy she was nor did anyone else around us except her co-workers that were aware of the 4 year long affair.

If I had known what was going on we wouldn't have waisted so much time on each other. She remarried to him and I've been with the same lovely lady for 3 years now so we've both moved on and both are happier for it.

My advice though would be have photographic evidence because the only reason I believed her co-workers was because she had already told me she was leaving and that started the wheels in my head turning. One of her co-workers even told me she didn't say anything because she knew I would never believe her and she would have been right.

Answer 6

You don't. At least, not right off the bat. If you just come out and tattle, you always end up being the bad guy.

What you can do, is talk to your brother and warn him that you are aware of the situation and will NOT lie for him. I wouldn't moralize to him either, since I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing is wrong.

Then, once HE is aware of your intentions, if she ever asks, you tell her what you know. Apologize, commiserate but since you are related (and to the offender it seems), it will be difficult for you to be a mediator, go-between or even shoulder to cry on, without possible bad results, anyway.

Bottom line, this is a very slippery slope. Make sure you're on supportive footing.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Sure is alot of people saying not to get involved, I wonder how they would feel if it was them?

Are you close to your SIL?
Are you POSITIVE of the cheating?
Not, ya saw them having lunch...or drinks....but kissing and holding hands? Does the SIL say "He's got a meeting, can't do dinner with ya this time" yet you saw them out together?
This is a very tricky situation.
I'd go for the
" 'Hypothetically Speaking...'....If you saw someone you cared about being cheated on, do you think you should say something? ..I think I'd want to know...how about you? "
And then take it from there.
I don't think there is a "right' way or 'wrong' way...it's your conscience.....it's your call.
Me, I'd want to be told....but only, and I do mean ONLY if it was a KNOWN fact....and there was proof to back it up.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Personally, I think that if close family and friends know something like this and have PROOF, they should tell the spouse! Aren't friends and family supposed to watch out for each other?! And to those who say you shouldn't get involved...wouldn't you be angry if you knew a close friend/family member knew and didn't tell you?

If you have undeniable proof that he has been cheating (you drove by the woman's house and saw his car there and took a pic, etc.) then just sit down and tell her that there is something you think she should know. If you don't have any proof (you just heard he was cheating) wait until you know for a fact. Chances are, she probably suspects it anyway.

Answer 9

I would want to be told! Send her an anonymous note or something! Thats the best way. That why nothing can come back to you, but you'll be helping out a poor woman that is being f*cked over by the one she loves the most! Even though its your brother, hes still an a*shole and needs to have this thrown in his face!

Answer 10

Only when you have solid evidence. Using information you got through the grapevine won't enough and she'll resent you for getting involved.

If you do have enough information, you should break the news. Otherwise, if she later finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, you can kiss a friendship goodbye.