I divorced my ex-husband 5 1/2 years. My kids lived with him 10 month with him in that time I met my boyfriend and moved together (at this point I didn't have the kids); we had great times together we barely had disagreements. Then my ex-husband couldn't handle the kids and they moved with us. My boyfriend doesn't have any children and it has been very difficult to transition from single to have an instant family. He is helping me a lot and he had taken the father part very serious, to the point that I feel that we live only by his rules. I love him and love my kids; I feel I'm in the middle of this. My kids are in their teen age and I heard most of the parents goes through difficult times at this age. My boyfriend wants me to be more like him; I tried to support his rules but sometimes I think he over reacts for small things. I don't know what to do at this point? I know my boyfriend cares for me but I don't feel he cares for my kids, what should you suggest I do?
2007-12-14 01:58:47 · 10 answers · asked by Dulce C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In a situation like this, hon, your boyfriend sort of took over in a innocent way, and very common for a male figure to do...it is in them to protect. Sometimes they over react, esp if the children are not his own, he does not have the father love, only a protector leader love.
If the rules are too much for you and the children to handle, I would gently tell the boyfriend that..."we need to talk about these rules, etc." Tell him you appreciate what he is wanting to do, but that he is taking over a responsibility that is partly yours, and if the children are teens, they too can be in on some decisions, to prepare them to make better decisions when they are on their own...etc.".
Fist though, I must say.....when one has a boyfriend, or girlfriend live with them, you are asking for trouble....
What ever happened to old fashioned ways...single ppl living alone, then they court for 6 months to a year, THEN they decide to marry, AFTER they have counseling courses.
......and also I must mention, it is a sad world when we go on in this life trying to live normally without Christ in the center of our lives, I really don't know how one can survive with having the Lord first and above all.......( a family that prays together stays together....and that is to say, in a humble way, ( can't stand arrogant Christians)
OK, ...so ya...it's hard and I feel for you. But you can do this, just think things out before you make hasty decisions.
2007-12-14 02:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by tuna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can be very difficult to go from couple to instant family. try sitting down with him after the kids are in bed and discussing the rules you have issues with. if he's never had experience with kids before, as far as being a primary care giver to them, he may not realize how strict his rules are. let him know you understand he is trying to be a good parent but you feel some of his rules may need some flexibility. also let him know you worry about his feelings for your children. did he know when you started dating that you had children? was it ever discussed that your children may come to stay with you for short visits or on a more permanent basis? he may be overwhelmed and not really sure what to do. if, after your discussion, and some time to try out the more flexible rules, you still have concerns, you may need to rethink the relationship. in situations like this, your children should come first for you. anyone you end up dating should also understand that you and your kids come together. good luck. i hope everything works out for you.
2007-12-14 02:10:59 · answer #2 · answered by emo girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry honey but in one sentence you are say in how great he is helping with the responsibilities then you say how he doesn't care about your kids. I am sure he does he just has a different way of raising the kids. Everyone is when it comes to that. Me and my honey don't agree but we work thru it. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel adn what you would like to happen. If he does love you he will be willing to compromise a little. If he doesn't then you have to move on honey your kids should mean more than ANY man you find. At least till they are out of the house.
2007-12-14 02:17:30 · answer #3 · answered by Kookie M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not the father and his authoritative role in this family will only backfire with teenagers. It's hard enough for them to listen respectfully to you at their age. He needs to allow you to be the one to set the rules and enforce them, the 2 of you can come up with them together but you need to be the one to do the parenting. Thats the price you pay when there are kids and a new relationship. If he does not like it he needs to go, your kids are forever.
2007-12-14 02:05:48 · answer #4 · answered by Scout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communicate to your boyfriend how you've been feeling and also let him know that although you appreciate him being so active in their lives that he needs to lighten up a bit around the rules. Perhaps the two of you should discuss what type of behaviour is acceptable and consequences of not so good behaviour. Best of luck.
2007-12-14 02:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him....it should be a package deal...if you feel that he doesn't care for your kids...then I would leave in a New York minute....but I would have made sure I was with the right guy before moving in with him and having my children move in with him....
2007-12-14 02:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what your children should come first. If you don't agree with his parenting style, I suggest you speak to him about it. If you are both raising the children now, you need to come to agreements about how things should be done. If he refuses to compromise, then you and your children need to move on.
2007-12-14 02:02:46 · answer #7 · answered by nene111782 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids should come first.... if he can't handle it then move on.
2007-12-14 02:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by Riley's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are the parent not boyfriend. he needs to defer to your judgment or move on.
2007-12-14 02:03:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow you should move on
2007-12-14 02:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋