How can I build more self-esteem?

Question

I feel really low at the moment and don't want to as it's Christmas...

Answer 1

I have the same problem. I am going through a tough time now, and, just like you, I don't want to.
But I realise I have felt this like this even when times weren't so tough!
I seem to have such a deeply installed need for the approval of other people.
I know there are some things I can do which would give me a sense of accomplishment, even privately. They are hard, and I feel lazy in winter.
I think we all have a mental list of such things; things we are capable of doing but keep putting them off. They can be anything from finishing some dusty 15 year old project that had us so excited once, to doing other people (strangers, neighbours or even family members) a big special favour or two. Or just making that long promised visit or phone call to a family member we would prefer not to make, yet it would cheer them up so much.
It is no good following the advice "Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself you are beautiful and worthy of love and respect" because you know you are lying to yourself. How can that work?
The only way to feel beautiful, loved and worthy of respect is to go out and act.
People who quit smoking; people who conquer massive fears; people who eventually win the Nobel Prize have all put effort and will-power into accomplishing their goals.
But the sad thing is, those highs quickly fade. Once you've done IT and feel all good about yourself, the glory starts to fade.
The higher you climb, the deeper you fall.
So it is an on-going effort. Something you build on, the way dedicated athletes build themselves up to constantly try one step better, one step forward.
Sure, most of us feel life is about one step forward and then two steps backward, but the trick is to learn how you moved forward and remember the lesson, and to not beat yourself up about moving back.
An example could be the humble little dung beetle. The little guy carries a weight far larger than himself, trying to push, pull or force it home. Feeling so good about it all, he encounters obstacle after obstacle that topple him and send his ball of dung way back on the hard path. But he never gives up.
If he does get it home, he will rest and then go out and face yet another struggle.
Basically that is life.
You can't rest on your laurels for too long, you have to keep accepting the challenges.
It doesn't matter if you fail, what matters most, when it comes to self-esteem is giving it your best shot, and if you fall, once, twice or a hundred times, you get up and you brush yourself off. Then you take some time to contemplate. You decide to try a new tactic and persevere, or you see you are now at a point where maybe choosing another path would be better.
So do something that will make you feel good!
Look at the mental list you carry in your head that has all those things on it that make you feel bad, and choose one or two to change.
Go out and volunteer your time with people who are more miserable than you; the homeless or orphans, or visit little kids or the elderly in hospitals or homes.
Just as you know what things you don't like about yourself, so you must know what things you like. Or what other people like and value about you. Use them! Tune into them and give them freely to other people.
Whatever you do, keep smiling. And never feel so down about your own self that you become blind to other suffering too.
You may become so absorbed in your feelings of low self-esteem that you won't see others are going through their own versions of it. It could be a good friend who is always smiling but needing a shoulder to cry on deep inside.
It is funny we call it SELF esteem, because it doesn't actually come from the self!
It comes from ignoring the self and seeing it in others.
Having said all that, I wish you a lovely Christmas time and a very Happy New Year, because I think you deserve it!

Answer 2

get a hobby. try kick boxing for fittness, adrenaline fixes almost everything. if you dont fancy that, how about a book club..? anything. what is your talent? you must have one, everyone does. think really hard about it. if you are that low and cant think of anything you are good at, try something new. it gets you out and about, meeting people and building self esteem and confidence. be part of a group of some sort it will give you something to look forward to each week/month and give you some much needed self-worth. only you can pick yourself up off the sofa to do it though. you need a goal, something to reach so you can monitor your progress along the way and give you something work toward. ask yourself, why do you need to build your self-esteem? what do you want from life? where do you want to be in 5years?

Answer 3

Well you could start out by artificially believing that you are superior to others...Also try and pick out flaws in other human beings and then exploit the flaws as best you can...umm lets see.... you can also demean those who are different...foreigners are a good way to start off with,,,especially if they do not speak English you can look at them as if though they have just grown another head when they speak. Also look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful....buy really expensive clothes and skincare products....um also believe that you're nation is vastly superior to all others. Try these out and I guarantee you will have higher self esteem =)

Answer 4

stand at your front door and yell "its Christmas!" then when people give you a strange look just laugh, smile at them and wave. if they wave back then you have had a positive effect on them. and now you know you can do that, its something to be proud of. there you go you on the first step to building your confidence.

Answer 5

it sounds stupid, but the way i build my selfesteem is to get dressed up everyday, even if all i did was sit at home. nice clothes made me feel pretty, and feeling pretty made me more confident

Answer 6

Try this site it has a step by step guide to help people like you:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/confidence/learn/

Answer 7

I think you should take advice from Mahendra Trivedi he will surely help you out.

Answer 8

join a swimming or gym club you will find your not the only one the adrenalin will lift you

Answer 9

i dont know i cant tell you because i have no confidence or self-esteem sorry

Answer 10

think about how beautiful u are and all the good things about yourself.