Don't know what to do please need ADULT advise?

Question

Well to start I'm 25 and my fiance is 25. Our sex life is good 75% of the time. The 25% is when she is on her period. During that 7 days my sexual hunger grows and grows. Am I in the wrong for asking for one oral experence during that 7 day period? When we were dating she had no problem doing that once a week but ever since we got engaged oral has not happened but maybe once per month. Last night we got into a verbal fight and I asked if she would help me out orally and she said no she didnt want to. So I said thats fine dont expect me to go down on you then. Am I asking for to much? We have had talks before and both have agreed to compermize I would not ask for sex as much and she would be more sexual. I think I have kept up on my deal but in my eyes she hasnt. I dont know what to do. I am willing to try anything. What works to keep both people happy?

Answer 1

Sex life is determined by each persons feelings of arousal, attractiveness and self esteem. It should always be mutual and consensual. So if she says no, then yes, you are asking too much.

Bartering favours is not a good place to be. If you are intending to marry, getting this basic communicatin sorted will be a good investment for your future happiness. Is there someone you both trust and respect that could help you with this, or a counsellor maybe? Good luck.

Answer 2

Yours is a common point of contention among young couples.

In relationships, there is often a 'honeymoon' phase where the newness of the sexual relationship is so thrilling that one will do anything to please their partner[ oral sex, positions, etc]
Also, if you're in the process of planning a wedding, stress can be high, giving sex a backseat temporarily.

Back in the day when people waited for marriage before having sex, this honeymoon phase usually occurred sometime during the second or third year of marriage. They referred to it, somewhat humorously as the "honeymoon is over".


You say that she performs oral sex on you "maybe once per month". I assume this occurs once during the week of her menstrual cycle. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Either way, I personally feel that you are fortunate to have a fiance who is willing to do it at all. Many women simply cannot do this at all...some find it makes them gag, even in the most ideal situations.

Your fiance still loves you and is not rejecting you per se. Women are quite different from men on sexual issues. A fact that will never change: Men think about sex 24/7 and are basically interested at the drop of a hat. Women need to feel relaxed and secure, and even then need some stimulation to get interested in it.

Let's level the playing field: Think....are there any courtesies[non-sexual] that you did for your fiance back in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, that you tend to do less of now? There is probably something.

You're both maturing and learning to compromise. You'll get through it fine. Just think, our grandparents survived this while raising young children.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Fighting with a woman and asking for oral sex is not a turn on for a woman. Just have sex with her while she is on her period. Usually women are much more aroused during that time anyway. Get a big old towel and lay it down beneath the two of you. That sound like a compromise right there. The more you ask for oral sex, the less she will want to give it to you. The more you fight with her, the less sex she will want to give you at all. Fighting is not a turn on or considered foreplay to a woman. Maybe for a man, but not a woman.

Answer 4

I even have been married for 29 years, so i individually do understand the style you experience. My husband grew to become into by no ability solid with numbers, as quickly as we've been first married i observe that he might spend without observing the financial company e book. i'm an accountant so i count type each and every thing to the penny, it took some years for us to get it maximum appropriate, and what i advise is i guard what i understand what to do( funds, cooking, cleansing, toddlers) and he brings interior the money, and seems after the motor vehicle upkeep, he has 2 jobs. I additionally supported him to circulate returned to college he has 3 stages now and is a professor at 2 college's, and due to our dedication to one yet another we are doing o.k., being married is a provide and take, and by no ability a who supplies greater then the different. Be supportive and help him to grow to be the guy he needs to be, it somewhat is going to take years yet interior the long-term you the two wont have any regrets .

Answer 5

I don't think you are in the wrong at all. But asking her is like she is feeling she is being expected to do it so its not fun and exciting for her. Having sex while on your period is messy but it sure does feel good. I am not a pro but I will give my husband oral and do other things to keep him happy and satisfied. It comes along with time. She has to feel sexy and attractive at this time and i dint think that most women do. It should never be a deal between two people when it comes to sex. Because then its not exciting and its expected. Try to be more sensitive and don't threaten about you not going down on her.. Don't ask for it to much and it will happen...She wont feel obligated and it will be her idea. Letting it be her idea will turn her on even more.

hope this helps :)

Answer 6

Well you wanted some adult advice and i hope you are adult enough to take it.

When you have your period it is the most horrible feeling. You feel sick, nauseus and in pain. Have you ever had food poisening? It is quite similar to that.

Remember she is probably feeling quite sick for those seven days. It also makes you exhausted because you are losing blood - der.

So maybe you could cut her a bit of slack then. Its only 7 days out of a month. Its a time where you could be doing other things like giving her a massage etc. And you never know its possible if you focus on her during this time she might want to do oral.

Answer 7

Your complaint reminds me of a joke where both the bride and bridegroom are astonishingly happy AT their wedding locale. The bride announces to her bridesmaids happily "I just gave the last b.j. of my life!". Alternatively the bridesgroom announces to his groomsmen "I just got the best b.j. of my life" - he's so happy and clueless.....

You're 25 and you want it all the time. She's 25 five and wants is most of the time. Over time she may understand this is part of the male make up. I've been married for 9 years and my husband still experiences that same frustration and we've both learned the compromise that sometimes he'll get his way and sometimes he won't during that time of the month. Stop making deals; that's just a way to set yourselves up - both of you - it might acutally be causing her stress and trust me having your period is not walk in the park. You are going to come off as you are demanding a sexual act and that is not a turn on. Suffice it to say that sometimes during that timeof the month you'll have to spank a few out.

Answer 8

well.. maybe you're being a bit insensitive? being on your peroid makes you feel crappy and bloated and unattractive, as well as cramps and pms etc. it's probably not the time of the month she feels most like giving you as bj you know? maybe you should ask her if thats the reason she's reluctant? plus you have to remember that during those 7 days she doesnt get any either. what do you do for her to make up for it? (obviously would advise against oral) maybe you should find something to say thank you.. take her out somewhere nice to spoil her in return because theres not much u can do for her sexually during those 7 days..

Answer 9

Most women are pretty sensitive that time of the month. I know it sounds like such a cop-out, but it's true. Now me? I'm horny as hell. I pretty much stay that way, but even more so when I'm on my period. Just cut her some slack. Some women don't want to be bothered when she is on her period. They need the special attention, not give it. And it's just for a week. It's not like it's permanent. Maybe try focusing on her, give her a back rub, make her dinner, just have night where you take care of her because she is probably not feeling good. And I'm sure if she doesn't "repay" you right then, she will as soon as she is ready and you will both be happier. How would you feel if you had blood coming out of a sensitive part of your body and she be asking for sexual favors? You probably wouldn't enjoy it. You would think "Does she even care about me when I'm not feeling good? Does she only worry about being pleased, and not about what I need?" Just try to put yourself in her shoes. Be understanding, that is a big part of what makes a man, a man. Be patient with her. You are probably going to get that from anyone you spend you life with, unless you are gay. It comes with the territory. Straight guy = 1 week per month without sex. 1 out of 4 isn't that unbearable. And this is coming from me. I need it 24/7! But I know to leave him alone when he isn't feeling good. And he feels the same way toward me. There are people who are sex addicts, but that doesn't make us actual sex machines, we all need our rest.

Answer 10

first off... it is never a good thing to fight about sex,,,,,,you say you are willing to do anything ,,,quit fighting with her about it then,,it will only cause more problems between you, she will start to think that it is the only thing that matters to you,,, ,, it's messy down there at that time of the month,,, not only do we have the clean up,,we have bloating,,our backs hurt,,our whole body hurts,,, and quite frankly ,sex is the last thing on our minds,,, mabe you should try to comfort her during that time,, make her some tea,,, run her a hot bath,,let her soak a while,, ask if she wants back rub
they have alot of great oils ,,touching in a non sexual way can sometimes lead to other things you know .. you get more fly's with honey than you do with vinegar ,,,haven't you ever heard that expression???