How do you deal with the anger you had with your abused father in the childhood?

Question

I am 25, and my boyfriend tells me that i have a problem that is related to my issue with my father.

I was verbally abused by my father when growing up, and i tend to take it out on my boyfriend. He says I need to accept my anger and seek help.

I don't even feel that I have an issue myself. What should I do? What can I do? I am so desperate.

Answer 1

I agree with the other person. You may be repressing your anger, and in denial. OTOH, your boyfriend may be a wimp who can't stand a verbal tongue lashing once in awhile. If you talk to a third-party, you can get an unbiased opinion about your behavior, and make your judgements from there.

It may be that you don't have any other ways of communicating -- the way your father talked to you is the only way you know of talking with the opposite sex. A good therapist can help you find alternative ways of communicating with a loved one -- ways that let you be strong and independent, but not cruel and abusive.

If you don't want to see a therapist (which may take years to unravel), you can try self-help groups and books -- which may also take years to take effect.

I kind of know where you are coming from -- my sister lashes out at the world. I kind of cocoon and hunker down. I don't think either of us have a very normal way of communicating.

Answer 2

It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone.