The Plant
A seed was given to a child
By his loving Father,
He asked him to let it grow,
To give the love it needs.
They planted it together,
In a garden full of color,
The child loved the seed
As he loved his Dad.
Everyday he checks on it,
Making sure it’s watered,
Everyday he shows his love,
To the seed of his.
Years passed and still he does
The things his Father told him,
The seed now has become a plant,
A beautiful plant of life.
But sadly as the years go by
He started to forget.
He was focused on the newer things,
The things that he now love.
The once a lovely plant,
Is now losing its beauty,
Losing its color
And losing its life
He didn’t care.
The plant is dying,
And he is at fault.
What has happened to that boy that cares?
What has happened to that seed he loved?
No more, forever lost in time.
Gone, forever it sleeps.
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2007-12-13 22:23:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I think it makes plenty of sense. Love it and watch it grow, neglect it and it dies. Much the same as the love between two people, if neglected, it slowly dies. Todd had some good ideas, so I won't repeat them. Good luck.
Dondi
2007-12-14 05:58:56 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
This has the makings of a good poetic parable.
A couple comments:
L3: Let it grow may be the wrong phrase. It suggests that he leave it to its own devices. Maybe "tend to it" would work better.
L8: Maybe substitute "Dad" with "Father"
L12: Maybe substitute "the" with "this"
L15: Cut "now"
L16-19: This is the stanza you need to work on the transition needs a little help.
Consider dropping "sadly" let the reader draw sadness from what you show instead.
Maybe L18: Focused on newer loves instead
Maybe L19: Maybe put something specifically about him forgetting or moving away from both the seed and the Father.
L20: cut "a"
L21: Use something a little more evocative: "started to wither" "leaves started to blacken" whatever you like, but more evocative than lost it's beauty.
L22: A little more evocative here too. Maybe something about the petals being leeched of their specific colors under a harsh sun--I don't mean write it like that but think of a specific color or mix of color and try to explain what is visibly happening to the plant.
L25-27: This is assumed. I would cut these three lines. They are too telling.
L28-32: Maybe eliminate the second question. Instead:
The seed he loved
is No more, forever lost in time
Gone forever it sleeps
I hope some of those comments are helpful. If they aren't please ignore them. I like what you've started here.
Best,
Todd
2007-12-14 08:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by Todd 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Is the piece yours? Is it meant to be analogous? Metaphorical? In a literal sense it's understandable certainly.
As a young child growing up on a farm, I was once given some seeds after nagging. I planted them on the side of the house, dutifully caring for them initially, but I was a child.
The season wasn't exactly right for the planting, and over time I neglected the care. I did worry at one point that there was no evidence of success and mentioned that to my grandparents.
Being very analogous themselves they "lectured" about the proper plan for a plant and also understood my personal evolution; still I was depressed.
I cleaned the weeds, gently "fluffed" the soil, watered and waited. My grandfather happened to go into town one morning while I was doing chores. At one point he called to me, and showed me a melon on the ground where I had planted the seeds.
I was excited, and pulled it, running into the house, never seeing the grease pencil price on the skin. After the fact it was explained to me, and nothing ever did come of my planting.
Steven Wolf
2007-12-14 08:32:30 · answer #3 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the plant had a mid life crisis and never recovered from it.I think its about how a man lost himself and forgot who he was .its just ordinary keep writing though
2007-12-14 06:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asides a few minor adjustments, I think it is a good poem. Keep it up!
2007-12-19 08:49:16 · answer #5 · answered by wallstreet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it. It really grabbed my attention, and I was a little disappointed when I got to the end, that there was not more of it. Thanks for sharing it.
2007-12-14 15:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a bit strange, doesnt make sense
2007-12-14 06:32:46 · answer #7 · answered by ris_666 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That doesn't make any sense. And it sucks.
2007-12-14 06:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by hardcoredude1221 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋