Is it fair to tell my husband that If he were to call me names one more time I would want a divorce?

Question

I NEVER call him names EVER! I get called names once a day. Everytime this happens I feel this jolt of frustration and anger I dont want to deal with this anymore. I am the type of person that means what they say, I dont talk the talk often but when I do I also walk the walk. Anyway, If I say this to him it is only a matter of minutes before he wakes up and calls me a name. I dont know what to do

Answer 1

its hard to want to stay in a marriage or show love when being called ugly names, it also has a huge effect on ones ego and how they see themselves as far as the other person and in the relationship. name calling is a show of disrespect and eventually any person who has an ounce of self respect will want to leave a marriage like this, so i would tell him how hurt i was and how it made me feel and if it continues don't stay with him.

Answer 2

I think it would be unfair to request a divorce so soon. Unfair on your marriage as well as urself. I am sure he was not calling you names when u first got married, so there is still hope!!!

So many ppl find it so easy to throw there marriages away these days because they are too lazy to work things out. Dont become another statistic. Every problem is able to be solved through communication and outside help. If that doesn't work, then it shows u are both not into the marriage.

Tell him how u feel, explain to him that its time for both of u to grow up and start behaving like adults now. Name calling ends in elementary school - if he hasnt grown out of it, he needs a wake up call.

If all out fails and feel u need to get out- make that decision and stick to it. Dont come crawling back when he promises to change.

I hope u can make it work.
Regards
Spongebob

Answer 3

Men, another perfect reason NEVER TO GET MARRIED!!! That should be the least of your worries. You obviously haven't learned the facts of life:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.

Answer 4

It's really mean, when your spouse calls you names. But divorce isn't the answer.

Threatening him with divorce isn't the answer. What you can do is not speak to him at all until he learns to appreciate you. You can stop cooking and cleaning for him too (if you do that).

Go on with your regular activity but make him say " I AM SORRY" before you do anything for him too.

Verbal abuse is a learned behavior. He needs to relearn this abuse. You can do this by replacing his horrible behavior with something better. It's difficult and the first step is to make him understand that that kind of behavior must stop.

The next thing to do is to make him appeciate you. This comes along with step one. He can only appreciate you if he stops calling you names. So DON'T DO ANYTHING until he learns the rules of engagement. Make him apologize. Make him understand that he's mean.

Third (the hardest part) is to replace this bad behavior with something good and nice. This is an extention of step two. Making him appreciate you is done physically, emotionally and materialistically. Physically is a no brainer. Emotionally is by being loving. Materialistically is by making him buy you flowers and presents. If physical and emotional are in sync, then material comes with the two. Long story short, he'll want to be nice to you in all three ways.

The first and foremost thing he needs to understand is that he is the husband and he needs to act like a man. Call me old fashion but he needs to take care of his family (you). He needs to grow up and understand that there are rules and the rules apply to everyone. Without these rules, there would be no family and he would be nothing more than a name calling fool.

I hope it all works out. I've summarized 4-5 books worth of material into some short paragraphs and I hope you get the general idea. It's all about loving your spouse and taking care of them. I understand you are angry but divorce isn't the answer. Working it out and making him appreciate you for who you are is the most excellent answer.

Answer 5

Namecalling is a form of verbal abuse and it is right for you not to tolerate it. I'm not sure that you should threaten divorce though. Leave the room definitely and possibly leave the house, but don't threaten divorce unless you really mean it. That is, empty threats are unlikely to change his behavior. If you feel there is anything worth saving in the marriage, see if your husband will go to counseling with you. Otherwise don't put up with his abuse anymore. God bless.

Answer 6

I think there is a lot unsaid here.

I hate to say this but it sounds like his name calling is a result of your complaining.

If you are as "talk the talk" tough as you would have us believe
His words should not hurt so much as to consider divorce.
Sticks and stones, and all that...........

It is words we are talking about. It matters not if it is him calling you names or you chirping criticism in his ear.

Perhaps you should get back to figuring out the root cause of this behavior and deal with that.
From here it sounds like you are every bit as responsible as you think he is.

Stop the dance.

Answer 7

Tell him how you feel!!! Try telling him that you don't like him calling you names. Ask him how he would feel if someone was calling his mother that name or a daughter of his. You will have to make sure you leave him after you set the guidelines of you leaving, after him calling you another name. If you don't leave, he will see it as an empty threat.

Answer 8

Problem is quite simple you never called him names so he knows even if he talks calling names everytime he opens his mouth he can get away with it.Im same way i never call anyone names but problem is i fell for a decades family friend,friend in love only to have it fall apart since he used to call me every name under sun even after telling him to stop.Finally i got fed up after once he got me on phone drunk screaming abusing calling names after i said i was leaving him he got his friend with gang relations to threaten when finally i left without ever meeting him since i was tired of abuse mentally emotionally name calling saying im in love with him to everyone basically having his own way with everything.

Answer 9

It's too bad you didn't say something to him a long time ago... still, I do think it's a fair reason to leave. If your husband is in the habit of calling you names, that is active disrespect that will only escalate if he doesn't do something about it now.

Answer 10

It seems like you both are acting childish, and that when he calls you names, you are stooping down to his level, do not take the easy way out, by getting a divorce, it will not change anything.

You and your husband need help, if you or him do not want counseling, then your marriage will continue to hit the rocks!

But I think this time, counseling is the best thing for you both.

If you continue this name calling to eachother and continue to stoop down to his level, you are going to have so many problems.

My step-sister and her husband were the same way, they did not seek counseling, so they got a divorce, their marriage just got worse and worse!!!

So if you do not do anything about this, then you will end up in divorce court!!!!!!

It is up to you, weather you think you should end your divorce over this name calling, but I believe this can be worked out.