Pregnancy Question????

Question

I had a miscarriage this past June and told Everyone. Big Mistake, but I was pregnant with my first child and really excited.
I just found out that I am pregnant again and don't want anyone to know until after the first trimester and my first ultrasound and that includes my boyfriend. ( my boyfriend can't keep a secret very well... and I don't want anyone to know including his best friend. I didn't want anyone to know last time, but I felt pressured to tell my family and friends after I overheard my boyfriend telling his bestfriend, after I had asked him not too!!!
What is your take on this. I will give ten points to the most helpful answer!!! Thank You!!!

Answer 1

This is a very common situation to be in. You do not want to tell people again incase the same things happen. Its is very unlikely that it will again. But think of its like this... you are supposed to share everything with your Boyfriend and if you did have a miscarriage, would you want to go through that alone... and what would be the point in telling him afterwards.

I think you should sit down with your Boyfriend and tell him what you have told us. You are pregnant but under no circumstances do you want to tell anyone INCLUDING HIS BEST FRIEND. You want it to be kept as something between you and him... exactly how it was made.

You trust your boyfriend enough to have a child with him... so trust him enough to talk to him. He might have learnt his lesson and be a bit more aware of things this time round.

Congratulations and good luck with the boyfriend,. Hope everything works our for you.

Answer 2

Your boyfriend is immature. Technically speaking a pregnancy is between the couple, it is actually something i only noticed in america to spread the news like wildfire the moment the woman pees on the stick. So many things can go wrong, so many people can be jelous, why would you share something so private with the whole world.

I am at a high risk for miscarriage, and even though i told my mom and he told his, we decided not to tell anyone else until the first trimester is up.

First off, there is not much to tell, you feel achy and crabby and hormonal and annoyed, you dont want random people, even friends and cousins calling you and asking you how you feel, in all honesty i just wanted to be left alone and to just make sure everythign is OK. Until i make it through T1 i dont want anyone getting excited for me, because i am not as excited until i get to that point. People might interpert this the wrong way to, but unless you have had a miscarriage, or are like me with an 80% likelyhood of one, you really dont want people being more excited than you. People will not understand your cautious excitment.

I personally do not plan on buying any baby stuff until 7 months or doing anything or really discussing it excessivly, i just feel like until the baby is here, its just tempting fate with all this baby stuff an all these what if's.

If your boyfriend has a big mouth, which you learned he does, you can keep it to yourself. Clearly he might be offended in the end, but if i were you i guess i would just tell him you couldnt bare to hear all the comments again and have that potential of the same outcome as b4. He HAS to be understanding with that because it was you who had the miscarraige and the attachment, not him. Men do not fully get attached until much later, for they do not actually FEEL the symptoms. At most their attachment really starts when they can see the ultrasound or feel the kicks or so on.

If i were you , i would wait until 12 weeks and tell him then.. Bring the ultrasound picture home, make it something really exciting and special and just tell him that you were being cautious because you didnt want him to experience that dissapointment you had with the last loss.

Answer 3

I had my first daughter 6 years ago during my first marriage. then when i got remarried, we tried and tried to get pregnant. I had a miscarriage and then had another one about 6 months later. after the second one, when i found out i was pregnant again, i didn't want to tell anyone...i was afraid i would jinx it! i waited to tell my husband untill i was just passed 12 weeks, because that is when your chance of miscarriage dropps dramaticaly. I think it is fine if you decide to wait to tell everyone, it's up to you...but if you have another miscarriage and then tell your boyfriend he may be upset with you for not telling him sooner. This is a tough decision that you are going to have to think really hard about. If you do tell your boyfriend, let him know how you'd like to keep it between the two of you until you really know everything is okay this time. Explain to him that you'd rather not involve everyone you know in some thing that is a personal matter between the two of you..and your future family. If he respects you then he will understand and respect your boundries. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you all!

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your previous loss but congratulations on your new pregnancy!!
I can totally understand not wanting to tell anybody about the pregnancy until you have firmly established that it is here to stay. However I think that confiding in your boyfriend and the father of the baby would be advisible because, if something was to go wrong you would have one person to lean on and to support you throught the tough times. No-one is super human and everyone needs someone to rejoice with and grieve with and if you all of a sudden sprung this on him (either good news after 12wks or bad before then) he might take it the wrong way. Like you didn't trust him with the most important news anyone can get. He is going to be a father just as much as you are going to be a mother and he should be able to rejoice with you about it.
If you don't think he would be terribly upset in not being told about this pregnancy until later on in the pregnancy, then at least confide in your best girl friend, grandmother, father, mother, sister - anyone you can 100% trust not to speak about it with anyone other than you. It always helps to talk to someone about your feelings and emotions and keeping this to yourself is going to do your head in over the next 2-3 months.
If it was me, I would wait till about 6-8wks and then tell someone I 100% trust (for me thats my husband, pure and simple). From there I would explain that because of the previous miscarriage I did not want anyone else to know about it, and I mean stress the point and threaten him if you have too,lol!! Make it non-negotiable.

You need at least one person to rejoice with! You are having a baby! And you will also need that one person to grieve with if things don't go as planned. but they will don't worry ;)
Think carefully before deciding what to do.

Again, congrats!

Answer 5

Just because you had one miscarriage doenst mean it will happen again. But once bitten twice shy. Wait if it's what you want. But I think the bf might be suspicious when you start barfing in the morning. And might be mad you kept it from him. Im sorry for your loss but think positive this time. Tell him to keep quiet this time or you'll cut him off sexually. ;)

Answer 6

if you dont want anyone to know then you dont need to tell anyone. I wasnt going to tell anyone but i was too excited as this is my first child also, ive now made it to 11 weeks. I dont believe that keeping quiet until after the first trimester makes any difference.

Answer 7

Well... it seems like you can't trust your boy friend, so there' s maybe further issues. However, it also seems like the logical step would be not mentioning it if he can't respect your privacy. It doesn't seem right to hide it from him, though.