he drinks an average of 3-5 nights a week(we are financially burdened right now) and that does cost money, he has diabetes and is suppose to be watching his carbs, there are a lot of carbs in his v0 & 7's . oh yeah, and when you drink a lot he tends to take non-prescription pills so you dont have a hang over. why wont my husband help me out with bills and help his own health. He thinks he will live and be healthly for ever.
2007-12-13 20:57:56 · 17 answers · asked by nancy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obviously, he is self medicating for depression or some other unhappy and hopeless state. You need to get him some medical help if you haven't been able to point out his slow suicide. I am sorry, but if he cares for you he could still come around. You can't make anyone do something against their will. I see this getting worse if it is left as it is. Good luck.
Sometimes people will surprise you.
C. :)!!
2007-12-16 04:07:31 · answer #1 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darlin' it sounds like he is an alcoholic.
Been through that and the person suffering this disease has no control over his actions -
The only way you can get control over you financial burden is to TAKE control of them.
He feels like a big man when he drinks and believes he is invincible.
If he drinks that much - he is never really sober and so doesn't care about anything other than his next drink.
He doesn't want to help with the bills because if he did there would be no money for drink.
To him - his health is OK because he can still drink.
You didn't say if gives you housekeeping money and expects you to buy his booze from that or how he gets the Boise.
If he is control of the finances you may have a bit more of a problem unless you can convince him to allow you to look after that and give him a reasonable allowance to spend.
2007-12-14 05:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by lassiebear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your husband is having problems with depression. The drinking would have a numbing effect so he could just blank out that time. Having diabetes is very serious and can shorten your life or make the life you lead less pleasant. I have known people who thought they were invincible and then when they got the "wake up call" it was a heart attack and it was too late. This is seriously scary stuff. If you could get your husband into marriage counseling with you, that might lead to some individual counseling for him. It might also be beneficial to have a couple of visits with a dietitian to figure out what he should be eating (or not) and how much.
I know you love your husband very much, but if he loves YOU, then he should take care of himself so your life together can be better. I wish you good luck.
2007-12-14 05:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might still think that he will be healthy then ever, but if he keeps this up, he won't be, and it is up to you to show this. Otherwise he might do something that he will end up regreting later on, that is if he will be able to remember it. I feel like I have been an advice columist. The first thing that you might have to do is to make an appointment with a counseler. Something will have to happen, if you want him to watch his carbs. And it has to be hard since he has diabetes. If nothing works, then you might have to leave him. If you just do nothing, then he might just drink himself to death, and leave you heartbroken (maybe) and a widow. As far as to why he won't help you with the bills, well I am not him, so I can't answer for him, so you will have to ask him yourself. The only way you do live longer, if you are good to your own body, if you are good to your body, then it iwll be good to you, or you will be dead. Good luck, and maybe your hushband will change his behavior not only for his sake, but for yours as well.
2007-12-15 22:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by staggmovie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is an addiction...it's not something I fully understand other than the way it destroys families.
My suggestion, for you, talk to a counsellor...it may give you some peace of mind for you. One-to-one is best but there also is Al-Anon for families...you are not alone.
Because he probably won't be able to change overnight, can you set aside a certain budget that he can do with what he wants and not go over that limit?
It sounds like he doesn't work. Geez, it almost sounds like you have an adult child that is dependant on you. You deserve better...really.
2007-12-14 05:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by southwest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, hon, you may love him, but you have to love yourself as well, and when you love yourself, it means you respect yourself. You're not respecting yourself by staying with a man who acts this way.
Now, I'm not saying you have to leave him - I'm saying you have to put your foot down and advise him - NOT ask him, but advise him - that unless he gets help for his drinking problem, and his blossoming drug abuse, you will be forced to leave him. And if he isn't willing to do so.. then you need to move on, no matter how much it hurts.
You don't want to live with an alcoholic or a drug abuser your whole life. Good luck to you. Oh yeah, and if he doesn't help out with bills, then he's using you, and you need to put an end to it if he doesn't change that immediately. Do NOT let yourself be taken advantage of by this man!
2007-12-14 05:04:06 · answer #6 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife suffered from diabetes for over 25 years. She continued to drink and smoke, and died of cardiac arrest at age 47. I never asked her to stop, and let her live her life as she pleased. I just loved her as much as I could, even when we were broke, until the day she died. Now I'm trying to move on. You will, too.
2007-12-14 05:03:49 · answer #7 · answered by Dear Crabby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all about motivation, isn't it? He needs motivation. Here's what doesn't work: Nagging. You gotta find a way to motivate him, and it's not that. I wish I knew how to do this myself, but I'm not very good at it. Need to take a training class on motivation.
Here's one suggestion. You should accept him unconditionally and completely, but you should not accept his behavior. See if you can make some kind of a distinction between him and his behavior.
2007-12-14 05:08:28 · answer #8 · answered by Firebird 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage. Welcome to reality. You should have learned the facts of life before you got married:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-14 08:00:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi, Nancy..
Instead of complaining, it is better you have compromised discussion with him and make him to be away from drinks by your acts of fondling in a still better way as he enjoys more than the drinks.
2007-12-14 05:04:59 · answer #10 · answered by mkm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋