2007-12-13 18:36:24 · 36 answers · asked by zztech 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
one was his ex wife after 20 years. then another was a lady he worked with a couple of years ago. we have been married 18years and our sex life is better than ever. i try to give him whatever he may want in the bedroom. why would he be looking just to chat?
2007-12-13 18:50:15 · update #1
My husband and I recently had this same conversation. We agree its "okay" if the other knows about it.... it is an open conversation (no secret emails, etc). As long as there is nothing to hide, I see nothing wrong with it.
2007-12-13 18:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Just Tryin' to Help 4 · 2⤊ 4⤋
You are how old?!?!? You still haven't learned the facts of life!!! That is just amazing, here they are, short and sweet:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-14 00:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there's cause for concern for sure. It just isn't the right thing to do. It's crazy thinking.
What's the big interest suddenly to look up "old flames" and now start a conversation.
Like to know if hubby would be concerned about the same. Will put money on the table that he would be more than just concerned.
2007-12-13 18:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by Eagles Fly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what role they played in his past. Past as in Ex girlfriends? Or past as in platonic friends from his youth? Does your husband go to a private room to talk to them when he contacts them or is it all through email? Does he have a cell phone with their phone numbers in them? If you can't get to his phone, what does the bill say? What does he say about the women he's looking up?
A lof of this can be judged by his actions. If he's secretive, then he's trying to hide something and that means he's doing or going to do something he knows he shouldn't. If he's open and honest about why he's looking them up, he's either a very good actor to throw you off the trail like that OR he's just sincerely wanting to reconnect with friends from his youth.
I look up friends from my high schoo days......and a few from grade school....once in a while. I have no intention of getting anything started on the side. Just want to see how old friends are doing. I tell my fiance everything and even talk to them when he's sitting right beside me. He can do the same.
I'd say talk to your husband and see where he's coming from. Not all men are cheaters, but some are, so keep things out in the open, honest and calm. Don't be upset about anything unless he gives you reason to mistrust him.
Good luck.
2007-12-13 18:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Him looking has nothing to do with you. It is something he is choosing to do. It still does not mean that he wants to replace you. You are not doing anything wrong. He might be looking for a fling on the side. As men get older, they don't like to have to work as hard to get what they want, so they go to what they already know. For him, that is looking up ex's. He has been there with them so he feels that he might stand another chance.
2007-12-14 00:01:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. I think that it can show that he is lonely and looking for attention but on the other hand I guess it depends on the relationships and how they ended. If they were friends afterwards, I would think that is fine. If he is just wondering what they are up to, I think it is ok too. It is natural to still have some kind of feelings for a person after many years and wonder how they are doing.
2007-12-13 18:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by k 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If those women were nothing more than friends then there's nothing wrong.
If they were intimate (girlfriend/boyfriend, ex-lovers) then yes, I would have to question his motivation in looking them up. Could it be he wants to re-ignite old flames?
You can say that you agree, providing you can be there while he contacts them, and he will let you view whatever contacts he has. If he's open with you then its OK, but if he's hiding then there's something wrong.
2007-12-13 18:48:04 · answer #7 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he looks...no. if he contacts them...yes.
I am very happily involved and I still look up old male friends, and a couple of ex's, just to see what they're up to (like on facebook or myspace). These are guys I spent a significant amount of time with and I am curious at times (usually when I'm having a boring day). I never contact them though as I don't have any use for them, as friends or otherwise. And on the occasion that one of my ex's calls or texts me, I ignore it out of respect for my bf and also because like I said, I have no use for or desire to be friends.
2007-12-13 18:42:16 · answer #8 · answered by laura1977 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would be thinking there's something wrong with the wife if she's NOT concerned about her husband looking for women from his past or just looking for women in general.
2007-12-13 19:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he didn't talk to you about it first, I'd be concerned. If it's girls you've never met, I'd be concerned. That's not a very good way to develop trust on his part. Trust is one of the cornerstones of a healthy marriage, and he'd better understand that. Don't freak out on him, but don't let him make any excuses either. Your feelings need to be heard loud and clear, though clearer is better than louder. You don't want to pick a fight.
2007-12-13 18:41:19 · answer #10 · answered by Dan in Real Life 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the couple involved. It would not bother me at all. Odds are that time has made that person he is looking for completly different from what he remembers and there will be no chemistry left between them.
2007-12-13 19:22:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋