What should i do i live with a drug addict?

Question

I have been with this man for 9yrs and he is addicted to pot. I was 14 when we got 2gether and back then it wasn't a big deal. Untill we had our first child and then i Realised i didn't want it around my baby, and how he should kick the habbit. Everything i said went through one ear and out the other he just started being sneaky and lying to me. When my son was almost 2 i decided enough was enough and we split for 3mths. During that time he gave up or so he claimed. We got back 2gether and 2wks later i found out he was doing it again. I loved him so i put up with it we now have a 3yr old daughter and 1yr old son now. Why does he not see what is wrong with it. I know find i resent him and not sure if i love him anymore. I'm now 23 and have started working again i feel now i'm getting older that i'm not as nieve as i once was and wonder if i'm making a stupid mistake by staying with him. I look at my kids and i love them so much that i'm scared if i don't stay with them they will hate me

I feel like i could give them a better life whithout this in there lives. Worst of all 2mths ago i met this man who is amazing we have not been intimate. cos we both know what we feel is wrong but i feel like i could be happy with this man. Maybe i should wait, but i'm so confused.I only wish i was smart when i was younger. Please does anyone have some advise on what i should do.

Does it really matter how bad the drug is? it still creates a person who is sneaky and lies. Have you ever had to deal with the mood swings when they come of there high you mustn't know what it's like to live with someone who needs it every day just to function. He has been on it for 15yrs i don't think anything i do will stop him.

Does it really matter how bad the drug is? it still creates a person who is sneaky and lies. Have you ever had to deal with the mood swings when they come of there high you mustn't know what it's like to live with someone who needs it every day just to function. He has been on it for 15yrs i don't think anything i do will stop him.

Answer 1

pot heads are stupid. pack up your things and hit the road.

Answer 2

your problem sounds very familiar to me, as I was a pot addict my self. When someone is under the influence of pot they think its completely harmless and everything is normal. they dont realise that day by day their consciousness is getting cloudy. They get very distant from their friends and family but doesnt realise it happening. Ignores responsibilities, ignores relationships, ignores duties, ignores him self and his hygiene. Ofcourse the lying becomes a part of his life style. When i was under these conditions i did not know all this was happening but the rest of the world did. I was skinny, i had dark circles under my eyes, i stutter when i spoke, didnt want to socialise at all, hated the sun light etc.

now i told you all that so you can understand what your partner is going through so you could have his perspective of whats going on right now. Here's what i think you should do. He needs to realise why he needs to quit. in your case its your children and ofcourse his own health. Since youve told him, im not asking you to tell him again. The only way is to check whats more important to him.....pot or his children. thats a fair enough question to ask. you should ask him whats important. if he ignores you, leave him without any notice (not leave him permanantly). Go to a safer place with your kids, but let him know where you live. So he will try as hard (with his blunted brain) to figure out whats important to him, once he start to miss you and your children he will eventually give up pot and come back to you. if he doesnt then good, that means hes not a good person to have around your kids when they are growing up.

I hope i made little sense. im a bit complicated when i try to explain things in typing.

Answer 3

Hey, I think u should leave him i was once a bong head its only been a month but ive never felt better to qiut u have to wanna qiut urself other wise u will just make excuses for ur self not to qiut and its not a good thing with ur kids being around it either even if they dont see him doin it theres a really good chance ur kids will pick up the habit when there older to coz my parents used to do it and my mates parents did it too we never seen them do it but we snoop around and we found i had my first bong when i was 9 years old my mate was 10 not full on back then it was just a weekend thing or a holiday thing im now 21 and just stopped being a stoner i know it sounds like bullshit a 9 year old smokin bongs but its the truth so i strongly suggest u leave him unless u tell him to qiut and keep a close eye on him coz if he dont wanna qiut he'll take every chance to punch one down and plus its a waist of money good luck hope every thing works out

Answer 4

Just go. Why do you think he will notice?

Pot is not a dangerous drug like most, but it can be overused and can cause problems.

Sounds like you have decided anyway. Just be friendly about it and move out. Don't need to keep the kids away from him. Just keep them aware as they grow of what's up.

And maybe you should take a puff once in a while and mellow out? I've known lots and lots of people who raised good kids while on pot, and lots of people who were raised by potheads, and everybody is just fine. Very smart people who graduated at the top of the colledge class who smoked all day. So don't go demonizing pot. If he's a looser it won't matter if he smokes or not.

Answer 5

Your s.o.'s emotinal development will not mirror yours; in time you will be alone in the relationship. He'll be smoking his weed, listening to his music, in his own world and you'll be in your world of grown ups with responsible lives, taking care of the kids and doing everything for the family. Get out now. Give him an ultimatum but leave him until he meets your demands and can prove he has met them. It takes more than a few months to kick an addiction forever. Give it at least a year. What do you want him to do to kick his addiction and how can he prove it to you? He can go to treatment, attend NA or AA, get a sponsor and continue a life-long relationship with that sponsor, grow up and take his responsibilities on like a man, stay clean and sober for at least a year before the two of you start talking about your relationship and maybe begin dating again. Be strong for yourself, the kids and him. You don't do him any favors by looking the other way.

Answer 6

Well, pot is ok in my opinion when your young, if done in moderation (1 session a week). However, its normally something that you grow out of. If the guy is smoking all day, every day, not earning for the family he helped create, then definately dump him, move on, and dont have him back. If hes working, but smoking in all his free time, give him an ultimatum; drop the habit in 1 month, or you (and the kids) will be gone forever, and stick to it.

Answer 7

Get all your friends and family together with him in a room. Send your kids off to a babysitter for the evening and have an intervention. Tell him to get into rehab or divorce court. Those are his choices.

As for your kids, they're far more resiliant than you think. They'll love you more for leaving and creating a healthy, happy home than staying in a home with an addict.

Answer 8

You have a poor track record. Have you burned your family with requests for money and help? Did they help you leave last time? Then you went back to him! If not then ask your parents for help. They will want assurances that you won't go back to him again. There is also womens shelters that you can go to. If you are working for a large corporation, talk to human resources about therapy and ask what other assistance is available.

Answer 9

I do not like any kind of "drug" that obviously alters my mate. Im unclear as to what he is doing or not doing that suddenly is not OK anymore...since he has been this way all along, I think demanding any kind of change will get you nowhere.

I feel for you - but you need to sit down with yourself and figure out exactly what it is that is bothering you so much. I really do not know what to tell you on this one!

Answer 10

If anyone is the victim in this relationship, it's him. You're the one cheating by sharing emotions with another man.
I'd rather my husband smoke pot than cheat on me!
Shame on you for betraying his love.
I'm sure your kids would rather have a pot-smoking dad who completely loves & cares for his family than a cheating mom who will tear the family apart.

Answer 11

Is he good to you? Does he love you? DO you love him? Does he love his children? Spend time with them? Are your children happy.
Listen, smoking marijuana doesn't make you a dumbass junkie with no respect ok. Really think about this.....
If you are not happy and all of that, then of course, it is probablly best to maybe break it off after a long conversation with him..