our children didn't get along. Never met the mother of his kids. actually she is mother of youngest but raised his oldest as her own. we are together all day everyday (we own our own business). at night he picks his oldest up from work and goes home to live with them. was waiting for oldest to turn 18. oldest is now 22!!! says that oldest got into some trouble with wrong crowd and isn't ready to live on thier own yet......like i said, we are together every day!!!! live as married couple. He stays at my house thu, fri, and sat nights....i guess i'm a part time wife...but, i am getting sick and tired of waiting....I have asked for a divorce several times but he cries and says how much he loves me and that he is coming...SOON...uuuhhhh!!!! he swears he has nothing to do with the kids mother and they have separate bedrooms,yet I am not allowed to call him there. In fact I found out that his family thought we've been separated for the last 5 years..PLEASE HELP. I have no parents for advice.
2007-12-13 15:58:26 · 13 answers · asked by badazzblondechick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am the legal wife !!!!
2007-12-13 16:33:48 · update #1
Divorce him. Don't ask for a divorce, TELL him that you're getting a divorce. Ignore the tears and divorce him. This has been an unhealthy situation from the very beginning -- you haven't had a chance to have a real marriage, and he keeps putting off making a commitment to you. He can't split his time and his heart between two families. He's been lying to both of you -- you, for saying it was only temporary, and them, for giving them the idea that you've been separated for five years.
2007-12-13 16:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion--it doesn’t matter than you’re the *legal* wife, because you’re not a real wife. If he’s spending 4 nights a week at another woman’s house, has been doing it for 7 years, has lead/allowed his family to believe that the two of you are separated, then you are NOT ‘living as a married couple’. In fact, I’d venture to say that SHE believes you’re separated too (and that’s why he won’t allow you to call there) and she thinks he’s going somewhere else those 3 nights a week that he’s at your house.
Ignore the tears and file for divorce.
And since someone mentioned hiring a private eyes/proving adultery…IF you live in the US (and you didn’t state where you live), in all likelihood it won’t do you a bit of good. In MOST states, adultery has no effect/very little effect on property settlement, alimony, etc. Even in the few states where adultery is taken into consideration, it’s not going to help you, because hubby has a valid defense, which is ‘condonation’. There’s not a judge alive that’s going to believe you honestly never suspected that he was sleeping with this woman. And, since you failed to do anything about it and continued to have a relationship with him, then you ‘approved of it’ or ‘condoned the fault’.
2007-12-13 17:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey he has the best of both worlds. Her for 4 days a week and you for 3. Neither you or the other woman live as his wife. But if anyone did it would be her since he is with her more. Who is he legally married to? The other woman? If so then sorry you are not like a wife.
And the fact that you ask him to get divorced and he is unwilling to up to the point of staying past the time frame of when he said he was waiting until, well that tells me it is very unlikely that he will ever leave her completely for you.
He is hiding the fact he has a relationship with you. My advice is to dump him and more on to a guy who will be loyal and faithful to you and you alone. If you have children make sure he still continues to support them.
2007-12-13 16:24:23 · answer #3 · answered by celtic_princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never heard you say anything about having kids together, just kids from other relationships?? So, why would you put yourself through this anyway....There are too many people out there that are in a position that could be less stressful. Since it seems you don't have any kids with this man, do what you want to do and eventually he will probably get tired of you treating him like he is treating you and grant the divorce.
2007-12-13 16:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should tell him to get fu**ed. 4 years is too long and maybe he's telling his family he has to work when he's with you. And how else would his family get the idea that they're separated, but from him. It seems like your the other woman. But you never know anything for unless you see it with your own eyes (even then it may not be true). But I think you should look at all the evidence and make up your own mind. Even though it does look pretty bad.
2007-12-13 16:32:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he has a pretty good gig going on for himself.
Do yourself a favor and divorce him. But first, hire a private eye and catch him sleeping with the mother of his kids so you can get most of the business and whatnot. In most states things are 50/50 unless a spouse is caught actually cheating through pictures, videos, and eye witnesses. Best of luck to you. God bless!
2007-12-13 16:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you tell him that you are divorcing him (and do it, don't ask him for one, don't tell him that you're GOING to, tell him that you already got a lawyer, etcetera), and he starts his crying...
Tell your baby of a soon-to-be ex husband to take it like a man.
You need to get the hell out of this situation. You deserve better, and deep down I'm sure you know that. There is absolutely no fathomable reason on earth why you shouldn't be and aren't the woman he comes home to at night. With that said, something shady is going on and it's a situation you just need to get out of.
Start loving yourself. It's clear that you need some TLC and he's not going to be the one to give it to you.
2007-12-13 16:11:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh good Lord are you that naive? I am so sorry I really am but you have got to leave this situation because it is very very unhealthy. Oh wow this is just got so many things wrong with this situation that I am afraid I can't even begin on here but please get individual counseling and don't even worry about marriage counseling because this really is not a marriage at all.
2007-12-13 16:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by STLgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What??? Are you serious!?! Hello -- his family thought you were separated, he lives with the mother of his child and you're not even allowed to call him???
Why are you still married? Move on! He's as good as a polygamist!
2007-12-13 16:05:53 · answer #9 · answered by BTB{06.22.09} 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You put up with this for 7 years! And If he is crying for attention from you then wake up! THIS IS NOT NORMAL! If he can't live like a normal husband then neither should you!
Get Out of This Now!
2007-12-13 16:05:11 · answer #10 · answered by deba00 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋