I hate it when my fiance mentions the guy she dated before she met me. she knows it to and i know in my heart that she does not do it on purpose, but it just slips out sometimes. for instance, i was like 'oh my sisters a leo' and she replied 'oh i know a leo too' and when i asked who, she paused realizing she made a mistake and said 'oh just someone' and quickly chnaged the subject. but now im sitting here thinking about it, i dont want any info no the guy, now im picturing how she got him some special gift for his bday and what they did etc... the less i know the better....but, like i said she keeps blurting out details here and there, as i mentioned she knows i dont like it... i cant change her past, how do i learn to deal with her past.... it really drives me nuts, also we live in different states, which makes it worse, i never have any issues about this when we are together...
2007-12-13 15:39:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's the distance that is a killer. I met my husband on the internet, so we lived in different states throughout our relationship until we were engaged. People who haven't been in a SERIOUSLY COMMITTED long distance relationship would never understand the paranoia and insecurity that can creep into your mind. It has nothing to do with trust or acceptance. It has to do with the tricks your mind can play on you when your significant other is hundreds of miles away. Believe me, I know what you're going through.
How do you deal with it? You just have to look forward to the day when the two of you will be together. If you know that you don't have these issues when you're together, then focus on those happy times! Keeping in contact often will help, also. Send her something in the mail. When my husband did that for me before we were married, I knew how much he was thinking about me and it really made me so happy that all i could focus on was how wonderful he was/is. And that would reflect itself in every conversation.
All you can do is remember that everyone has a past. You do, she does, but the past is exactly that, and now you have a bright and wonderful future together.
Congratulations on your engagement and I hope that you have a very happy wedding and marriage!
2007-12-13 16:04:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you're insecure in the relationship. This goes much deeper than her ex. Try to remember that he's her ex for a reason. Is there any indication that she still loves him? You two need to spend more time together before you get married--long distance relationships are very difficult and trust is so hard to maintain. Try to forget about the ex thing--it will become a huge issue. Ask yourself if there's something else and this ex thing is just one thing you're focusing on. What else is wrong/missing from the relationship? You need to figure out why you don't trust her. No exes make the current partner happy, but if it was an ex from years ago and there is no contact then it's no biggie. If he's a recent ex and she's still in touch with him then that's different, but still is there anything that makes you suspicious or are you just paranoid (I can be that way sometimes). You need to have a talk with her about this--communication is key. She can reassure you and hopefully you can work this out :)
2007-12-13 15:47:24 · answer #2 · answered by Principessa 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try to look at her past relationships in a different way. All of the boyfriends she has had in her past have molded how she handles relationships and what she looks for in a man. In essence, without having those past romances, she wouldn't have become the person she is now, and she wouldn't have discovered you. Since she isn't making you feel bad on purpose, let it be. She lets it "slip out" because it doesn't mean anything to her, so it shouldn't mean anything to you either.
2007-12-13 15:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by missbeans 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its going to be hard.. and the best thing to do is let it roll off your back.. i know being in a different state is not making it better but trust in her love for you.. like you said she can't change her past and sometimes its inevitable to hear about something she did because its a part of her and her experiences that make her who she is.. but you have to remember she picked you and loves you.. that's all that matters.
2007-12-13 15:51:25 · answer #4 · answered by Alisha N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need a new fiance
anyone who does something KNOWING that you dont like it, at best has a problem that will cause you much grief in years to come and at worst, she is not completely over him...some place in the middle is taht she is trying to make you jealous.
All are odd behaviors from the woman you wan to marry
Post pone the wedding
2007-12-13 15:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by lisa s 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't ever get married. End the engagment and watch how she shuts up about it. Engagement is just the first thing you will do to make her happy. What you will find out about when you do 20 other stupid things to make her happy is that you can't make women happy EVER!!!
2007-12-14 00:55:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key element in a marriage is acceptance. if you can't accept who she was, is and will be, without conditions end it now. You will only be hurting everyone if you don't.
I know you probably didn't what to here this, sorry.
2007-12-13 15:48:29 · answer #7 · answered by cmrwash 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your missing her . and have you doughts at the same time. your probly wondering if she talks about you like that get togeather make some memmories togeather and all that want matter anymore.
2007-12-13 15:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm sure she doesn't do it on person and she can't erase her memory so unfortunately you're just going to have to deal with it. Sorry!!
2007-12-13 15:47:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋