WHY is it MY FAULT if a married man wants to be with ME?

Question

I didn't pursue him. Well, not really. I flirted with him but I never acted on anything. He came to me. He kissed me first. He told me things about his marriage and his wife that made him miserable. He called me. He arranged times for us to meet each other. He initiated the sex. He told me that he loved me. He charmed the pants off of me (literally)! He said all of the things that I needed and wanted to hear. He used me for sex and then he bailed on me when things got tough.

I accept my share of the blame. What I did was wrong and I know it, but I wasn't there by myself. Why doesn't he get blamed for his part? Why do some people act like what happened is entirely my fault?

Answer 1

I hope someone throws up in your hair and no matter what you do you can never get rid of the smell.

Answer 2

I think a little more info is needed here, but I'll assume either his wife and /or others found out and he is blaming you for the affair. Mr. Wonderful is lying to his wife to save his marriage and to his friends to save face. People are acting like it's your fault because you encouraged him by flirting with him, and didn't say "no" to his advances. Historically, men have been revered by their peers for their sexual conquests while women just got the dirty reputations. Luckily, people today have learned that it takes two to make an affair. Although it seems like you're the only one taking the blame, you can be sure that others know (especially other women) that this man is a pig of the worst kind. He has hurt you and you feel betrayed by him. My advice to you is to find something new to take up your time, accept this as a learning experience, and most importantly, forgive yourself and move on.

Answer 3

He DOES get blamed for being an azz -- but basically, most relationships like this are under the control of the woman. At any point in this whole process, you could have said, "No, this is not what I want, I do not want to fool with a married man." But you didn't.

He told you intimate details about his wife? Why did you listen? Would you want another woman to listen to YOUR husband detail all your faults? He called you. You took his calls. He arranged times to meet. You showed up. He initiated the sex. You didn't say no. He told you he loved you. You believed him (?!) (You think he never told his wife the same thing? You don't think he was sleeping with his wife at the same time he was screwing you?)

Answer 4

It isn't all your fault. Society just doesn't expect as much for men as women. In general, men are expected to think with there ****. After all, you didn't make vows to the wife. On the other hand, if you ever want to be in a long term relationship and expect fidelity, do you see how detrimental your actions were? Realize that some men will say all kinds of things about there wife. Some may be true, but alot of the times it is lies.

You have now wasted however long with this man. You could have been looking for a functional relationship that would have benefitted you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

OK, it's not entirely your fault. He was a lying son of a...gun. But he was obviously lying to his wife too. And who knows who else in keeping you a secret. The part where people are like "you asked for it" is when they find out you knew he was married. It's one thing when the guy hides the ring but when you know, people wonder why you went through with the relationship. Me, I don't judge. People make mistakes. But a guy who has a woman in his back pocket is going to be pretty confident since they have a sure thing. And they will bail when you aren't better than what they already have.

Answer 6

Regardless of what kind of marriage a man or woman is in, they are married. Plain and simple. Regardless of what he may have told you about her, you should have responded with, "I am an ethical human being, and I believe that making vows means something. With that said, I cannot knowingly enter into any sort of affair, be it mental, physical, or other, until I know that the bond between your wife and yourself no longer exists."

It is your fault because it takes two to tango. It is your fault because you could have and should have said no. It is your fault because an innocent woman has now been made a fool of because you and her husband apparently have no morals or knowledge of decency.

However, he should certainly be blamed. If you didn't lure him from his wife, as I said: it takes two to tango.

So, in conclusion...

I am sorry that no-good b-a-s-t-a-r-d hasn't been caught. But I certainly don't feel sorry for you.

Answer 7

You are responsible for your own actions as is he. You knew he was married and still went along for the ride; that is frowned upon by many; that is why they blame you. Am sure they blame him also, but your part in it is entirely your fault.

Hope your learned a huge lesson from this. They sweet talk you and then run away when the going gets rough. Am sure you have been through much pain also. Nothing good comes out of these type of relationships.

Answer 8

Well yeah it is both of your faults, obviously. You aren't taking enough responsibility--that's the problem. The point is he shouldn't have been able to "charm the pants off" of you. You should have said "no". So people don't feel bad for you. How would you feel if you were his wife? He's a cad but you're the s lut who let a married man take advantage of you or whatever you want to call it. I'm sorry but it serves you right--or at the very least how can you be surprised?

Answer 9

It was your fault because you admit it was wrong and you went along. If you accept your share of the blame, so you do have to accept the guilt and consequences that come with it.
You started flirting w/him and gave him the signals that you are a player then you accepted to meet w/him in private. Of course he said all the right words, they all do. You've been used and you let yourself be used. Now it doesn't feel good and you hate him and yourself. I hope you learned you lesson.
How do you think THE WIFE FEELS. How would you like it if your husband or future husband did that to you.
Men are weak when it comes to being faithful, especially when a pretty wink catches their eye.

GOD BLESS! AMEN! SHALOM!

Answer 10

Well it isn't entirely your fault. People have urges, you can't help but like what you were feeling at the time. Yes what you did was wrong,but you did realize your mistake and thats a good thing.Life is harsh, you can't help it if you make mistakes. The important thing is that you learned your lesson from it all.When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind, and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. Just don't do it in the future. Also, I think your right. Half of it was his fault, your not entirely guilty. So just hang in there, and don't listen to any of the idiots telling you its all your fault. It does take two to tango.

Answer 11

If it is the wife you are referring to, it is easier to blame an outsider than it is someone you love who cheated on you. After all, YOU must have seduced him, right? Wrong. **** happens and men are good at making you believe what you need to believe. He needed a temporary fix to his problems and you made him feel good...and it felt good to you. Was it right? No, but he probably told you he was leaving her, right? That they were getting divorced? Maybe people blame you because you were the stable, single one....but, obviously you were not stable. You were lonely and he was a fun, empowering fix to that loneliness and he gave you hope. Otherwise, you never would have gotten involved. People can't help themselves when emotions get involved. Don't worry about other people. Get out there and find a healthy relationship.