Anyone have any advice? My cousin is 13, an only child, and she has no friends because shes a self centered spoiled brat. She has no respect for anyone, she gets in fights and the next day thinks nothings wrong. She always gets what she wants from her parents. I know this is wrong, but I feel horrible telling her mom to not buy her so much She LOVES her daughter so much. Her mom is basically her only friend (even though she disrespects her); she plays games with her, spends time with her, and feels sorry for her because she has no friends. She has recently met a couple of guys on myspace, and calls them (in texas and virginia, the virginia guy is a MAN, not a boy). Her mom took her cell phone away and the computer. Has anyone else experienced this with their child? What advice can I give her mother? I told her to seek counseling, however the daughter says she will not talk to a counselor. Would the counselor get her to talk? HELP!
2007-12-13 15:18:15 · 13 answers · asked by glddstgpsy26 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Yes the mother knows its her fault, but now she has to correct it. I am an adult, so its ok... we had a heart to heart today about it.
2007-12-13 15:28:17 · update #1
All I have to say is that mother needs to stop being a doormat for her child. I blame the mother. She is the one who taught her daughter to act that way. And she puts up with it. And the kid is just going to grow up resenting her. I would slap that child and take away her computer. Take her to a counselor and maybe she won't talk after the first time but I'm sure she'll come around. Have the mom take a parenting class while she's at it.
2007-12-13 15:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Das ist mein fluch 5 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I'm assuming the mother is ok with you giving advice? People get really, really tetchy about comments against their kids and their parenting!
Basically, she/ they (if dad is around) will need to wean her off both her behaviour and theirs. They need to stop buying her stuff, sure, but going "cold turkey" and refusing to buy anything won't work, and isn't fair. A 13 year old should be old enough to know better, but this one clearly isn't. So, the new rule might be "If you nag, you get nothing." This is a good rule, and kids of all ages will learn very quickly! Instead, they should buy things when they feel like it, as most parents do occasionally. A little less commercial rubbish, and a few more "wholesome" prezzies. A book, materials for a new craft etc. Something that will give her the skills so she can make Christmas presents for people. If she doesn't give Christmas presents, I'd be giving her a list of jobs to do to earn money to do so. I started giving presents at age 3! If she's resistant, perhaps earning enough to buy a present for underpriveliged kids is a good start. Instituting a pocket money system so she can earn her own money to buy the crap her parents will no longer buy is a good idea. The best system I saw was a weekly maximum amount was available, and dollars were deducted if jobs weren't completed. If she chooses not to do the jobs, she's choosing not to get the money. It's better than offering money per job. If you do it that way, they can decide not to bother, but the way I just suggested, they feel like they are loosing something that is rightfully there's, so they do the job. Worth a try anyway.
There's lots of books in your local library that might give strategies to employ. In a lot of ways, teenagers are like toddlers. They need definate boundaries and you have to be consistant.
Maybe you can find a "teen's guide to managing parents" or something for your cousin for Christmas. Let her parents get a sneak peak, so they know what strategies she's going to try, and what they should and shouldn't let work!
I haven't read this myself, but a quick amazon search showed:
http://www.amazon.com/Handle-Your-Cranky-Stressed-Parents/dp/1425901549/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197607931&sr=1-24
They need to fix their home life and civilize their daughter somewhat before she's going to be able to go out and make friends.
2007-12-13 15:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't need a counselor, she needs a parent. She needs to quit buying everything for her. Make her work for what she wants instead of just handing things over. She needs to take away more than just the computer and cell phone. How about MP3 players, DVD player, TV, video games. All that she needs in her room is her bed and dresser. Nothing else. When she starts being respectful she can start earning things back. Make her volunteer at a soup kitchen so she can see that not everyone is a lucky as she is.
2007-12-13 15:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The changes need to come from the parents. They need parenting training, unfortunately they are about 10 years too late. Children don't choose to be spoiled and have no friends. Lack of boundaries and weak parenting are usually to blame. Parenting classes and counseling would help. Let the parents start first.
2007-12-13 15:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that you can do. Parents should have raised your cousin to treat people the way she wants to be treated. Your cousin might not understand that fact now but she will later on. Her mom is the only one to blame. Her mom should be her best friend but should teach her respect as well.
2007-12-14 02:09:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should take her to the counsellor even if she has to drag her there. Likely the daughter will agree to go but say she is not going to talk. The first visit she may just sit there and not talk (because that is what she said she would do) but a trained professional will get her to open up. Trust me on that.
2007-12-13 16:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a thing you can do....the more you say to them about it the more you will be alinating your family. It's just not worth it. When they are having to bail her out of jail in a few years or dealing with a knocked up 15 year old they will remember what you have said.
2007-12-13 17:49:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure that it is your place to tell her that (if your a kid, if your adult I think its okay)... Maybe talk to your parents about what they think to do
Edit: Oh okay sorry I was thinking you were your cousins age and thought that it would be wrong to tell your aunt shes a bad parent. Im glad everything worked out
2007-12-13 15:26:27 · answer #8 · answered by Sam B 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
calls adults that she met on myspace? - sheezh she really craves attention. =x
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a good counselor probably could get her to talk about stuff.
she's only 13 - she'll change.
2007-12-13 15:40:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
TAKE THE SPOILED BRAT TO MAURY SHOW
2007-12-14 05:46:31 · answer #10 · answered by projectboi69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋