Should I stay with him and have his baby?

Question

I recently found out I was pregnant to my boyfriend of only 6 months, although I do love him he is not exactly father material. His first reaction to the news was that I should get an abortion, after we talked more about it he did a complete U-turn and now wants to keep the baby.

He is 30, is out of work and still lives with his mum and dad, I have my own house and work full time. He's got a bit lazy and used to not working and doesnt want to get a job, im not sure I can see a future with him not workng and still living at home, whilst I have a baby and go out to work. I have mentioned this to him and he can't see my point atall. Id rather bring up a baby alone than with someone who simply wants the easy life sitting around doing nothing all day. Im really not sure what to do, I could not go through with an abortion but I dont want to be left to do this myself.

**Thank you so much for your replies, this is just confirming whats already on my mind. I am prepared to walk away and do this alone, maybe once he really sees that it will prompt him into action.

Answer 1

I was in a very similar position to you a couple of years ago and I gave my bf a chance to get a job and whatnot but his mother was encouraging him to stay at home and she even had the nerve to say i could go back to work and he could look after the baby haha.


the best decision I made was to leave him, it is much better for me and my son, no bad influence as he would never change.
sometimes it is hard work being a single mum, but I joined a mothers group and playgroup and they are great as i have support from other people who are in the same boat as me, get clink to put you in touch with a single mums group and social workers who will help you through tough times

The other reason i am glad i left him was because now I am seeing someone who is willing to do more with his life and treats me right,
You can do it it will be hard at first but it does get easier, good luck

and you will never be alone it is amazing how many friends and family will pitch in to help you
email me if you need to talk with someone who has been throughthe same as you

Answer 2

im sorry hun, but you shouldve thought of that before anything happened.it sounds to me like you just better ditch him.seriously father of the baby or not.he is not going to do you any good at all.or your child.he is 30 and has no life.you have that child and give that boy/girl a good healthy lifestyle.be proud!just remember everything you do reflects on that baby as well.do you really want a fricken bum on your hands to worry about?make him get a job and pay child support.they will make him get a job so he has to pay child support.thats the only money you will probably ever see from him if you dont?so seriously you need to think about it.logically.what would be the best for you and your child?a bit lazy?yeah id say.30?any man that is not working at the age of 30 unless they are disabled isnt worth nothing.you have a house you have a job use that to benefit you not him.im glad he hasnt already made his way to your house already vs. living with his parents.

Answer 3

well, i can completely see your dilemma here. you want to have this baby BUT with someone who is more reliable and as willing to make a great life for baby as you are. i am sad to say that i dont feel like this boyfriend is ready for that type of commitment. the moment i found out i was pregnant, for example, my boyfriend immediately was considering taking on a second job. on the other hand, your bf doesnt seem to have that same enthusiasm or drive.
maybe living with his parents, rent free, he has lost touch with the reality that things cost money and babies cost BIG money. you might consider sitting down with him and tallying up exactly how much this baby is going to cost you to have. compare this with your salary and show him that you just cannot do it on your own. if after that he is still unwilling to participate, i would throw down the ultimatum. afterall, this is for the sake of your baby and you have every right to want the best life possible for him/her. he might just need some time to adjust to this big news.
if he doesnt come around, then i am sorry to say that although you think it will be hard to have a baby without him, think about how hard and stressful it will be to have a baby WITH him. someone who isnt willing to even get a job to help finance this. you can do it hunny, i know you can. you don't need a man persay, you need support. if you have friends and family, i think their support will be much better than someone who won't lift a finger for you.
i wish you nothing but the very best and i hope this helps.

Answer 4

wow. thats pretty bad. i'm sorry u have to go thru that. i also say dont even bother w/this guy. chances are u will do a better job on ur own...
u can TRY to get child support from him but if he doesnt have a job--it will be pointless.
u seem like a very smart, independent & hard working woman, i know u can do this without him! ;)

just fyi: i have heard of guys changing after their child is born--having a baby changes everybody.
with that said...hopefully, for the babys sake, he'll come around after he sees how strong u are (and of course how messed up he's been).
but please do NOT settle for what little he might offer just because u love him!!!! it'll just cause drama and heartache for u.
he needs to give u his ALL if he wants to be part of his child and your life!!

Answer 5

ok well i would not recommend staying with him just because you are having a baby....i mean you dont want to raise a child in an environment where the parents dont get along...sit down and have a long talk with him....explain everything bc even tho he doesnt have a job he would STILL have to pay child support...yes dont let him tell you differant. Your child doesnt need to be raised by a father who thinks its ok to be a mooch and not take care of himself even tho he is a grown adult...let him be a part of the child's life but think about if this is what you want. to be with him just bc you are having a baby.

Answer 6

That's a tough situation. You need to do what is best for you and the baby. It does sound like he is a deadbeat considering he still lives with his parents and won't consider getting a job. Don't feel pressured to stay with him just because you have a baby on the way- if you do separate then he will have to pay child support, which you can obtain through court, and you technically won't be doing it alone.
It does sound like you'd be better off without him- he lives off his parents so I'm sure he'd be willing to live off you.

Answer 7

The Child Support system will enforce some actions. Like he will have to get a job to support his child and he will be forced to support his child whether he likes it or not. He has 9 months to find a job so tell him to get his a** out there and start looking. If he is able to go have sex he needs to take responsibility for it.

If he doesn't, Child Support can send him to jail, suspend his licenses and many other repercussions.

Answer 8

Tell him your willing to give it a try if he is willing to take responsibility and get a job. That includes him renting his own place and looking after himself.

This way if he cant take responsibility you will know before you have to put your child through the trauma of a bad relationship.

I personally would go it alone. The fact that you have to question your relationship to this extent and in these circumstances should be telling you something. .

Answer 9

if he doesnt want to step up then he needs to step out dont tell yourself you dont want to do it alone you have GODs support if he dont want to be part of it then the hell with him you are a strong woman and you can be the father and the mother probably better than he would be anyway if your parents dont want to help then so be it but you can do it alone you say you work full time and have your own house babygirl you dont need a man not like that it anyway he's too old for his crap and he needs to get a job or tell him to get the hell on cause you dont need that in your life you not trying to move backwards you want to move forward but you dont want to tag him along using you NO and i tell you NO dont put up with his you know what. he was man enough to get you pregnant and cant be man enough to help out NO and i tell you NO again kick his *** out the way and tell him you are a strong woman and you can do it with or without him but you rather not put up with it. PLEASE and i beg you NOT TO HAVE AN ABORTION you're going to regret it and GOD does not approve of abortion you dont need to do that cause you can do this i promise you that you can do it dont be all stress out and being in so many arguments cause that can cause stress and depression and make you have an miscarriage you dont want that. if you want to have this baby then babygirl do it but to let you know you are not alone GOD is with you every step of the way and he will take care of the boyfriend it anybody can make a baby but it takes a real man to take care of one and you remember that quite frankly he's not the man you want to be with but its your decision and be the smart woman that you are and make the right decision remember you are not alone GOD is watching you right now pray and ask GOD to deliver you from your issues he might not be there when you want him but he's right on time and when time come to have that baby GOD is right there in the delivery room if the boyfriend isnt good luck and pray to GOD he will see you through

Answer 10

From personal experience with my mom and dad i would highly advise you to get out of this situation as fast as possible. My mom and dad have been married for 16 years and have 3 kids. The whole time they have been married my dad has had 2 jobs for a total of maybe a month. While my mom has had to work 2 to 3 jobs to support our family. She has wanted to get a divorce for a while but can't because she would have to pay him because he has never worked. She has had a very hard life and we have suffered to because of it. So i think the best bet is to get out of there as soon as possible for you and your child.