Am i being selfish?

Question

I am a student Primary Education teacher, and looking forward to Graduate and pursue my carrer in Education and teaching children, it's all i have ever wanted to do and b independant, i love my boyfriend so much and would do anything for him,
but i told him i don't want to get married and i never plan to have children (am in my early 20's this could change) and he went crazy he said, " he wants his life with me and he wants me to commit to him, to have children with me"
" i am being selfish because it's all about me,"
but he said its about give and take
but how can he say am being selfish when am i am saying am not ready for children,
I don't complain about his carrer as he got his degree last year so why is it such a problem for me to have one?
and i love him more than anything and don't want anyone else but he wants to marriage and am not ready,
Am i being selfish?
Should i agree to this?

Answer 1

You don't sound like you're anywhere near ready for marriage, let alone kids. Realistically your boyfriend probably isn't ready either... even if he thinks he is. If you have a desire for independence and a carreer, follow it now. After all you're very young, it's not your time to settle into a life long commitment. If your relationship stands the test of time, you can marry later.

Answer 2

No you are not being selfish....not everyone, especially in their early 20's, wants children or marriage....you still have a lot you want to accomplish. You were being very honest with him about this and he is just upset because he wants these things and you don't. He either has to stick around and accept what you said and hope you change your mind (which you may never do) or find someone else to pursue a relationship with that does want to eventually get married and have children. Don't agree to giving up your career to get married and have kids if it isn't something you are ready for...you will only end up unhappy and resenting him.

Answer 3

You are not being selfish. Having children is a personal choice and it does not make you wrong not to want any. Your life should be about you. You should not bring children into the world that you do not want. You should not have them to make him happy. It is about give and take put that does not apply here. You are being smart and mature knowing what you want and telling him what you want. He is being controlling and it will not get better after marriage. It is smart for you to be independent and to be able to take care of yourself. You should not agree to this. You will be miserable and he will control you and it will not end well.

Answer 4

You know what you want and don't want yet.He should accept your feelings and not try to pressure you into something you aren't ready for.No,this isn't selfish you have done the right thing teling him this first because if you want different things it may not work out unless you both can come to agree to wait a while on marriage and a family(don't give in because you'll end up regretting doing it for him and not going with your gut)Good luck:)

Answer 5

I believe you should do whatever you need to do for yourself. It is not being selfish, it is your life and career, your future. If you don't do it now, you probably never will! So if you love him, and he really loves you, he will understand and back you up and will wait. If he doesn't, then he is the one who is selfish, and maybe you should seriously sit down and talk together, but if that doesn't work out, I'm sorry to say, you might have to leave him to follow your dreams, because that will be your entire life, relationship aren't always for life mostly at your age, but I hope you work it out instead of breaking up. Life is short, so you have to make the best of it for yourself otherwise you'll keep telling yourself, "I should have...I should have...". Make yourself happy and the rest will become all good and happy too!

Answer 6

no you are not being selfish, this is your life and these are fundemental differences so don't give in at all, if you want to get married in the future then get married, as far as children, if you don't want them don't have them for anyone it will bring needless heartache for all and if he went crazy over this then you don't need him around. as long as you have been truthful with him that is his problem, and he may not have wanted to hear what you were trying to tell him when you told him but that is too bad you don't have children or get married to compromise, you at first have to have the same basic wants and beliefs, and you don't get more basic than this, and this is something that you don't compromise on as the cost is too great, no kids means no kids, not i'll think about it later and don't you dare feel guilty about this please, stand by you want and don't want on these 2 issues good luck

Answer 7

Of course you're not being selfish! HE's the one being selfish. Trying to make you do the opposite of what you want to do with your own life.
The sad fact is that you both want different things for yourselves. There's nothing wrong with what either of you wants; what's wrong is trying to force the other person to your way. I guess he's doing that because he's (paradoxically) afraid of losing you.
What he probably doesn't understand is that you could give in to him and go through the motions, but he'd lose you anyway, in the long run.

Answer 8

You're aiming for a career in Education but have not fully grasped the English language? Good grief. No wonder the educational system is in shambles.

I don't think you're 100 percent selfish but then I don't think you're selfless either. Understandably you want to have a career but giving up love for money and work can be very lonely. Do you want to become the bitter old spinster who looked back on her youth and regretfully wished you married?

I am happily married and pursuing my own career. Marriage brings support, partnership, compassion, love, and so much more.

If you're willing to lose all of that for a career, then you're seriously short-changing yourself.

Answer 9

You are not being selfish.
You and him need communications. Perhaps if he truly loves you so much, no matter how long it takes you to be ready... he'll wait. no matter what.

You're still in your 20's, that's still young. so have some fun before you settle down. Tell him It's never too late for marriage and children so he should wait.

Answer 10

Never do something that you do not want to do!! Why would anyone want to force someone to be someone they are not? THAT is selfish!!! Compromise comes when it's the other's turn to chose where to go for dinner or what movie to see... Not life decisions! You are either on the same page, or you get on with life alone... Then you find someone who shares the same choices in life.