I know I shouldn't have these feelings what should i do?

Question

I was with my ex for almost 2 years and we have a daughter together. Though
he has never seen her, she is 3 weeks old. When we were dateing he was
abusive and when i found out I was pregnant i left him, in fear that he
might hurt the baby. I got with my current boyfriend who was also my very
close friend almost right after i left my ex. He helped me out my whole
pregnacy and was there when she was born. He also has a daughter who is
almost a year. I lost contact with my ex through my pregnacy because
besides him being crazy his family and him denyed the baby being his. My ex
went into the marines and is going to marry his new g/f, and me and my
boyfriend are supose to get married. But i talked to my ex the other day
and all the feelings i had for him came back, and now I don't know what to
do. I feel horrible for haveing feelings for someone other then my b/f and
I don't know what to think anymore. Its horrible. What should I do?

I would never get back with him, thats not what I was trying to say... I just dont understand how I could have feelings for a guy that was like that to me. It scares me I guess... I know my boyfriend now is better, we have our problems but everybody does, and I would never put myself in that kind of situation wiht my ex again. Its just scares me that someone could be that horrible to me and just one phone call could bring back the way i felt for him. && then it scares me because what if he has changed and I let the way i feel effect how my daughter sees him, she could end up hateing me for it. Idk im still new to this whole mother thing and it seems like any decsion i make on this is wrong.

Answer 1

You need to forget about him. You know how he is and you know that he will bring you nothing good. I think he needs to be part of the baby's life but not if he is going to be crazy about it. Get a paternity test done. So even if he doesn't WANT to be part of the baby's life he still has to pay through child support.

Answer 2

I know exactly what you are talking about. I've been there. What I would suggest is just not talking to him anymore, at least for a very long time, because otherwise since those feelings are coming back, if you get the chance to ever be with him again, even if for a while, you will because sometimes those feelings are too hard to deny. After that though, it's gonna be even worse for you because you will have messed up what you and your current bf have, the one who helped you through all of this. if you keep on takling to your ex, the feelings are only gonna get stronger, so just don't anymore.

It's okay to feel that though, because we are drawn to people from our past, people who we had strong feelings for but couldn't make it work with, people who we wish we could have built our lives with. But that's all fantasy most of the time and you just have to realize that, accept it, and then move on with your life.

I hope you will be strong enough to not put your current relationship in jeopardy.
GOOD LUCK and take care!

Answer 3

You have his child...there will always be feelings there. You also left him at a time when you were vulnerable and not over him but you had your reasons to go. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. You would be less than human if you didn't still feel this way to some extent. Just remember why you left him and no matter what happenss you have someone there who has loved you and your daughter all the way......Keep on doing what you are doing and leave the past behind you.

Answer 4

All of it is normal when you go from one relationship to another that is why it is good to stay alone for at least a year.
Most people are like you and most people end up thinking about would have could have should have.
Trust me when I say this move on don't give him another chance.
I can almost guess if you check back 2 years from now he will be divorced.
Most men will not shut the door in your face they always want to leave there options open DONT TRUST THEM!

Good luck

Answer 5

Wonderful poetry! I believe you are speaking approximately matters that God tells you approximately the long run, quite often approximately your household. God tells me matters, too, and a few of them are well (like that my sister goes to have a youngster!) and a few no longer so well (I continuously understand, with simple task, who will die subsequent in our household. I'm continuously proper, and the following individual up has damaged my center. I want I did not understand.) There is not anything to do besides ask God why He has informed you approximately those matters. Maybe you'll be able to be of support to the individual or humans who might be affected. Maybe you'll be able to get ready them lightly. Pray for them. Maybe, who is aware of, God will difference the path of the long run. He undoubtedly can, however I have no idea if He will. I believe that's why we get those premonitions; we KNOW what is going to occur, so we will be able to support, however difference isn't feasible. You are truthfully in a well role. Hardly anybody can see the long run, and you'll be able to. Use the reward that you just must brighten the lives of the humans who is also affected, and do what you'll be able to to ease their burden. Are there matters you'll be able to do to make the agony much less whilst those prophetic ideas do come to cross? Thanks for sharing this. It's quality to grasp that anyone else consists of this blessing/burden from God.

Answer 6

I think it's normal for all of those feelings to come back. The main thing to do is remember what he was like and look what you have in front of you it sounds as if the guy you are with now is a keeper. I would distance yourself from the ex meaning no phone calls because it will only cause problems between you and your current boyfriend.

Answer 7

Its normal to wonder whether your baby would be better off with its natural father in her life. Just remember how abusive he was, and ask yourself would you want your daughter to live with that? Its probably the post pregnancy hormones whizzing around that's left you feeling confused. He's moved on and so have you, don't look back. The time ahead is so full of promise, and an abuser promises only pain. Don't go there.

Answer 8

It is common to have time go by and remember only the good times. Remember why you left in the first place.
He was and likely still is abusive. Don't allow yourself to have any more of those feelings of missing him because it is more a fantasy of what you wish he could be instead of what he is.
Also, I am sure that he could be very charming on the phone, and part of what intrigues you about him, but he is an abuser.
Don't forget it.
You made a baby and now you have to focus on making a life for that baby. That is what you need to put your focus on.

Answer 9

reality check this is a guy that walked away from his own child,abused you and went on to no doubt do the same stuff to this other girl ...... mmmm dont be a fool you are in love with a dream! that ship has sailed you have to be responsible now
if not for yourself for your child and if your current boyfriend has stood by you and a child that is not his own BY LAW,no doubt he sees the child as his own are you telling me you are willing to give that up for this CLOWN of an ex ??? im not sorry if i sound harsh towards you ... i honestly think you need a good kick up the a** for even asking this question if you dont listen then thats up to you but belive me you go back there it will end in tears AGAIN and now your kid will be in the middle of it .... think !!!!!!!

sort your head out and do the right thing for your child!!
look after yourself and good luck!!! xx

Answer 10

You don't have to do a thing. He will go on with his life, and you will go on with yours. The feelings you had talking with him are just feelings... no need to act on them.

He is who he is, and though he was capable of being civil on the phone, it doesn't change his ability to be abusive. Leaving him was the smartest thing you could have done and you know it. You will have a full life, and a safe place to raise your child with someone who obviously loves you very much.

Try not to feel guilty, as it is totally normal to feel "something" for the father of your child, and even the loss of that relationship. Step back into the positive choice you made for you and your baby. Please don't lose sight of why you left.