recently he was sick, (nothing serious), and i took care of him as i would my child. when i started not feeling well a couple of days ago his reaction was definitely not the same towards me. not only has he not even asked how i'm feeling or if i need or want anything, but he ignores me when i'm coughing and sneezing by making believe he doesn't hear me. he hasn't even offered to take the dog out so that i don't have to go out into the cold. this isn't the first time that he's behaved this way and i fear that it won't be the last. what do i do without being spiteful or starting an argument?
2007-12-13 12:40:03 · 18 answers · asked by ST 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
say baby I am sick can you please look after me for then next few days.. I'm not leaving the bedroom so you can bring everything I need to me
2007-12-13 12:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Some men (and this sounds exactly like my husband, by the way) are unknowingly insensitive, unknowingly selfish, and are TERRIBLE nurturers.
It doesn't mean he's taking advantage of you. It means that you are not making what you want from him clear.
Men do not have a sixth sense about things like women do. Women are born to be mothers, creators, nurturers.. men are built to be providers too, but in a different way than women.
My husband gets upset with me all the time because I get upset with him for this kind of stuff. He finally sat me down one day and said,
"I know you think I'm smart. Book-wise, I am. But when it comes to you, I know your favorite color, the color of your eyes, the size of your ring finger, and your favorite position for sex. If there's anything else you want from me, you're just going to have to straight out tell me, because I am not a mind reader."
Ever since then, if I don't feel good, I have to SAY it for him to understand that he needs to be more attentive and caring towards me. If I don't tell him that "Honey, I think I have the flu- do you think you could take care of the dog today?" then he has no idea and just thinks I'm being lazy.
My advice? Tell him when you aren't feeling well, explain that you need help, and just be honest and communicative. If he STILL doesn't help you out.. then your husband, sorry to say, is truly an a-s-s-!
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon! :)
2007-12-13 21:00:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you nurture someone is your action to provide a caring attitude. However, he is not your child. He is your husband, and treating him as a child might be a sign that you are questioning his maleness. And, please, don't expect him to demonstrate a reciprocal expression of caring for you. A lot of males like to be shown that you care. I enjoy a display of emotional caring by my partner, but I accept how he shows his caring Your symptoms indicate you were the victim of the virus of the common cold. Take some NyQuil, and ignore his obvious discomfort with nurturing. If he shows his caring for you in his individual style, what more do you need. Unless his behavior indicated a callous disregard for your needs, and he demonstrated abusive, and belittling accusations, accept it. A lot of males I know have no idea how to offer the display of nurturing. It seems to me he was raised in an insensitive home, where sensitivity by the male was seen as a threat to to their masculine self image. Ya know, maybe the two of you could benefit from couples counseling. It would provide a safe venue for both of you to verbalize, in non-threatening and/or accusatory manner, what each you would feel comfortable contributing to your marriage. The secret is active listening.
2007-12-13 21:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men can be nurturing!!!!!! When I had my surgery my husband treated me like a QUEEN!!!!! In fact he got mad when I tried to do too much too soon... When he got really sick I was there for him. It's a give and take situation. I would definitely ask him what is the problem... U will never know if u never ask.....
2007-12-13 20:52:06 · answer #4 · answered by kate 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first you should not walked the dog. you were sick and if that meant the dog crapping in the house so be it. you are his wife not his mother. when he get sick treat him as such. get the medicine put it by the bed and keep it rolling. you dont need to wait on him hand and foot. so because you treat him so well he probably thinks that you dont need him to do anything but you need to make your needs known. he cant fix something if he doesnt know that something is wrong. its called communication. try it it may work for you. GodBless
2007-12-13 20:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Write him a letter & say, "Hey You! I'm SICK! I would like some help around this house & with the dog..I'm going to bed." Sign it, The Beotch!
this will get his attention
2007-12-13 20:48:17 · answer #6 · answered by T. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time he get's sick, don't help him out. When he whines and complains, talk to him calmly, saying that the way you are acting towards him right now is the way he treats you and that things will change.
2007-12-13 20:44:38 · answer #7 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tats a bit selfish....he expects u to be tat way but not help u in turn.....perhaps he also believe tat u as a woman must take care of him and urself...this is a traditional and egoistic view by some men....id say talk to him, tell him tat it hurts when he dont care for u when ur sick cuz u take care of him...tell him tat he should be more sensitive and care for u when ur sick also.....men like these are difficult and perhaps hes childish and expect u to be like his mother but try to change him through ur love first...gd luck
2007-12-13 20:50:05 · answer #8 · answered by Sony 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him about your concerns and feelings. If not, you'll become resentful and it will only get worse. Communication is vital and the key of all successful marriages.
2007-12-13 20:44:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tru2Me 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
men are not mothers that is for sure my husband sucks when it comes to things like that so what you need to do is just ask tell him your needs they don't have our instincts for a reason there is no shame in letting him in on your needs it saves you frustration and him the confusion on what to do good luck
2007-12-13 20:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by been there and know now 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are asking too much from him. I would ask him if he could please do these things for you and why.
If he still won't help you out, then he is not a very considerate person, and I would tell him that.
Tell him how you feel.
2007-12-13 20:48:12 · answer #11 · answered by goldenhairedsurprise 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋