husband is NASTY? I am physically unattracted to my husband of 13 years because of his hygiene.?

Question

Yes I know that I could leave.
Yes I know that I could cheat.
But we have 2 small kids.
Issues are:
no orgasm from him for 13 yrs.
Sometimes he brushes his teeth and most of the time no. His breath smells so bad that it actually smells like a garbage can or poop. no exaggeration.
He leaves **** on the toliet and the shower stall after he has used it is just plain nasty.
He doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom.
I am mean and nasty at this point when telling him because it's been so long and I am so tired of not having an orgasm because I am repulsed by his hygiene. It's just nasty. I've tried the nice. I've tried the cuss out. I've added him to my dental insurance but nothing seems to help. He still has the same issues. I am just angry. At this point IF he brushes his teeth, I am so angry that I just can't focus.
My question is what are my options? Cheating? psychiatrist? Can/would you divorce someone for being so filthy?

Oh I forgot to tell everyone that he wants sex from me all the time. I feel guilt about avoiding him or just telling him that he is gross but I am just not feeling him and really want him to leave me alone. I've given up pretty much.

3 Christmas's ago I bought him a $150 toothbrush off of ebay. I've really tried.

yep he's been like this for a long time but I've always been so optimistic about him CHANGING. They NEVER change. He faults growing up without running water as the reason but you know as an adult and after 13 years that story is getting old as hell.

He is laying there now. He just took a shower and wants to have sex but I am so angry that he just "freshens up" for his own pleasure. But the everyday is just ****** up for me. I am angry that I can not have good sex with my husband. It's almost a force to cheat.

so he gets clean just for sex? What is that all about?

yeah you are right romance does kinda go after kids because you are tired. But I truly feel like enough is enough. I've really tried to cope with all of his dysfunctions but now it's enough. I am so upset that this is even an issue. Hygiene for me is just so basic and about respect for whoever gets close to you intimately or not. I've wasted enough time.

Answer 1

i iwsh i had a good answer for you honey, but i dont. he doesnt seem to have any pride in himself much less having pride in being a good husband/father. its a tough decision you have and i would probaly say to leave and get someone thats concerned about making you happy, and is clean....but i know things are alot more complicated than that so i'll just say good luck to you no matter what you decide and i sure feel bad for you..

Answer 2

This is so far beyond his filth, you can't even see the sweat stains from here. You don't love this man anymore. You find him repulsive because he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care if he grosses you out every day. He doesn't care if you have a sexually gratifying life. Ask yourself how long he'd stay if it had been 13 years since his last orgasm? As for the reason your staying, the children, they're actually the reason you should be leaving. Or do you really want your kids to either become or marry a man like their father? He's their role model as long as you stay with him. If you leave at least they get the clear message that being a filthy selfish pig is not acceptable behaviour. If you like you could try dragging his butt to marriage counseling, but really, what's the point? He is as he started out 13 years ago, right? Why would he change now? That is just who he is and nothing you say is going to change him. Time to go.

Answer 3

I'm really disappointed by most of the responses I've seen, so I decided to answer this question and hopefully I can do it some justice.

Firstly, in my mind, cheating is NEVER an option when you are married. You just can't do that kind of ****. This is not high school, this is life, and it's his life too. If you can't stand him to the point where you'd consider cheating, then you need to consider a divorce. Plain and simple.

Onto the next issue. My husband has yet to give me an orgasm. The only time I have ever orgasmed during sex is when I'm on top because I can control the speed, the rhythm, and my own climax. Have you tried this? Introduce toys into the game, like a vibrator. Maybe it will help your orgasm come easier/faster.

Clearly, however, something must be done about the hygiene before you can consider all of these sex tips.

Firstly- you cannot change a person unless they want to change for THEIR OWN SAKE and not for yours. So yelling, screaming, and cussing at him isn't going to help him and it's downright rude on your part no matter how you feel.

My brother does not brush his teeth. My mom was a fantastic mother but teeth brushing wasn't DRILLED into our skulls, so he just doesn't do it very often. Some people are just brought up without the proper tools to take care of themselves.

My husband doesn't wash his hands after he pees because he says "if any urine gets on my hands, I don't care. Pee is sterile." And that's the truth. You may find it disgusting, but that doesn't mean it's false. Personally I think the idea of anyone having pee on their hands is absolutely filthy, but yes, urine is sterile. If my husband took a #2 and didn't wash his hands, I would be really grossed out for sure.

Here are some things to try that I have tried with my husband on occasion when I find he's being gross.

I put a breath mint in my mouth and encourage him to kiss me. Once he opens his mouth I slide the breath mint from my tongue to his. It's a nice way of saying "if you want more of this, finish your breath mint."

I put that hand sanitizer stuff in my palms (I don't rub it in), and when he comes out of the bathroom, I take his hands in mine so that the hand sanitizer gets on his hands, and then I give him a hand massage to rub it into his hands.

Clearly, these aren't SUBSTITUTES for actual teeth brushing and hand washing, but it might help. If you SHOW him how important it is for you that he keep himself clean, he might be more apt to do it.

Men are visual. They don't like words tossed at them all the time. That's why they don't often like to "talk" to their wives. If you show him what you want, you're more likely to get it than if you simply yell at him.

If none of this works I would definitely say couples therapy is a must. Not only is he grossing you out, but he's setting a terrible example for your children.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Communication, is very important in a marriage.

I am not comfortable with the graphicness of what I am about to share, but I am doing it with the hope this will help, and you will not cheat on him, or get divorced, etc. Here is my suggestion.
1. Get a babysitter for a period of time that is romantic for you.
2. Go out to dinner and talk and enjoy dinner.
3. Go home, both of you brush your teeth.
4. Both of you take a shower together. Use shampoo and wash each other.
5. Then after done, stay unclothed, and get into bed.
6. Keep the lights on.
7. Don't have him go inside of you.
8. Talk to him about how you like to be loved, and show him how to do it. It is okay if you say it nicely. Guys want to know how to turn their wife on, and we could use the help.
9. Hopefully with him clean and fondling you, and you fondling yourself, you will be able to have an orgasm.
10. For women, it is more mental, so you need to try and remember the love and attraction you had originally.
11. After, hopefully you come, then allow him to come inside of you.

With kids, generally speaking, romance goes, and it puts a strain on relationships. He may have been used to getting all the physical attention, and now doesn't get it and he may be resentful for that or maybe he is just lazy (hopefully not)? Try to get time together each week if you can get a sitter that you trust. Try to do a once of month all-nighter if possible. Maybe if you can spend more time together it will build your relationship together, and both of you will mutually be cared for, and your love will start to flourish.

Today, it is so easy to take the easy way out of cheating and divorce. I am a Christian, and without Jesus, I would not have stay married for 17 years so far. So maybe you are a Christian, or just a caring person, I don't know. But I think it is awesome that you still married.

Try to communicate with him in love, and not be critical. Don't overwhelm him, just little by little, and reaffirm your love for him. Spend lots of time together talking and communicating and romance like you like it, and also physically.

Hope it helps, not easy for you, but try to stick it out.

Answer 5

Has he seen a doctor? This sometimes happens when people are clinically depressed. Maybe you could get him to see a doc and if this is the problem get him on antidepressants.
I kind of think that for someone to have such poor hygiene there has to be an underlying issue. Good luck!

Answer 6

Have you heard the joke about the man who came to bed and handed his wife two aspirins and a glass of water? She asked him "What is this for?" He answered "I want 'it' tonight and This is for your headache". Sorry, but maybe you can put a new tooth brush and a tube of paste beside your bed and when he rolls over grinning, hand him the gifts. Good Luck. HEY, I just made 3rd level! Congrats me, lol

Answer 7

I've been married 25 years and what you are saying here would GROSS ME OUT. I would not be able to stay. I would not be able to take it. He doesn't take a hint when you tell him this stuff? He needs a "wake up" -- maybe you could tell him you want a separation and that you just might date a "clean" person. That is disgusting. We're far far far from "rich" but we are clean.....I'm so sorry you're going through this. How sad.

Answer 8

Spray him with Lysol before sex. Put a mask on him of an idol you have at sex time. Normally I don't like wife cheating, but this one deserve a vote from me. Go ahead and find another lover for sex pleasure.

Answer 9

dont have sex with him until he gets clean.

encourage it like maybe suggest taking showers together and buy him an electric tooth brush and try and drop some hints. the best thing to do is just be honest, tell him you love him but his personal hygiene is terrible and its making you not want to be with him. ask if he can try and do better to make himself good for you as you do for him.

Answer 10

Oh, I feel for you. But tell me, if he has been like this for 13 years, did he ever have good hygiene?
You need to tell him that he is simply undesireable. If he won't be more hygenic, then you are unable to have any feelings of interest.
Hygiene is so basic, and he needs to change on this one for sure. If he can not change, then I would have no choice but to divorce his stinky ***! Sorry:(