we've lived together and basicly living as though we're married . I'm ready, He said he's not , He said he does want to marry me but only when he's ready! Isnt 3 years long enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? We have had a perfect relationship rare arguments no cheating, Great !! thats whats so boggling!!
2007-12-13 11:57:54 · 21 answers · asked by Angel N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is the incentive here? He gets it all now, what is the gain in marriage to him?
2007-12-13 12:04:03 · answer #1 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I went through this I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and he had not popped the question. He said he was scared of the life long commitment and scared to know I was the only one he would ever have. We had a great relationship but I did not live with him because then he would have never married me that is how most men are they get comfortable with living together and find no reason to go any further. As much as I loved him and I know he loved me one day I said I have to move on with my life and my career and those choices will be different depending on if we are going to start our life together. A year later he proposed it was like a fairy tale and we have been married for 7 months. Some men just need a push rather it be in or out.
2007-12-13 20:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend is obviously committed to you and your relationship, otherwise he would not have hung around for three years.
Some people simply do not like the idea of marriage nor have any desire to get married. Not that they care any less for their partner or the relationship but for their own reasons do not see marriage as a necessary step, in particular if the relationship is solid as yours seems to be and kudos on the no arguments, no infidelity by the way. This speaks volumes and tells me he does want a commitment with you.
Ultimately it may come down to you and he wanting different outcomes for this relationship. However, I guess you need to ask yourself, if all is okay and you are happy (and you sound that way), why push the issue if ~ for now ~ marriage is a step your partner does not wish to take?
2007-12-13 20:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by LiverGirl98 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"we've lived together and basicly living as though we're married" That's why...he doesn't feel the NEED to get married since you've handed over everything to him. Why buy the cow when you're already getting the milk for free. That's a NO BRAINER..nothing "boggling" about it.
2007-12-14 02:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him. Ask him why he's NOT ready now. So many people think there's a time limit on how long people should date before they get married... as much as it may suck, I'm glad he's not marrying until he's ready, versus marrying you just b/c you want him too. It could be that he will never want to get married, and if that's the case you will have some serious decision making to do.
2007-12-13 20:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were together 8 years before we got married, and had a kid 5 years into our relationship. We've been together for 10, going on 11, years. I think guys get comfortable. My husband always told me he wanted to be financially secure. He wanted to be sure, we could afford everything we wanted in life. He didn't want to have any debt, wanted to be able to drop $3,000 on whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams, and the ring of my dreams. Things is, guys don't understand that that's almost impossible. My opinion is probably that he wants to get married, but wants everything to be picture perfect for you. It's just a matter of how long you are willing to wait. But be sure that he wants to get married. Has he told you why he "isn't ready"?
2007-12-13 20:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by Evie_79 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why should he get married? You,ve given him everything already without commitment. Regular sex living together - what has he got to gain?
My daughters boyfriend was the same. I told her the same. Eventually when he was nearly 30 he wanted children, She held out for marriage so he married her and now they have 4 lovely children. I'm sure if she'd had the kids without demanding marriage he still wouldn't be ready.
2007-12-13 20:05:26 · answer #7 · answered by bri 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
BTDT, most definitely. Based on my experience, if he ain't ready after 3 years, I doubt he ever will be. Your relationship appears to be working but everything is timing. Maybe he's at a time in his life wherein he isn't ready to make a lifelong commitment. I'd back off, if I were you and I wanted to keep the relationship. Then again, if you really want to be married, are you willing to let this guy waste another 3 years on the fence about it? Your blessings may pass you by.
2007-12-13 20:02:49 · answer #8 · answered by michelle m 1 · 2⤊ 3⤋
He's not ready to make that full commitment. If he keeps you around for another year and more without marrying you then he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he loves you as much as you love him then 3 years should be plenty of time for him to come to conclusion if you're the one or not.
Tell him to either step up or stop wasting your valuable time.
2007-12-13 20:06:36 · answer #9 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just because 3 yrs has past, means nothing!
For your Man to marry, he needs to feel confident in his career before he can be responsible for someone else.
You push him and you'll find your self starring at a cottage cheese ceiling by yourself.
2007-12-13 20:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by Nana Butterfly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont rush him, or nag him or complain about it, many people dont even take the time anymore to decide if its really really want they want, nowadays people just jump up and get married either for the heck of it or becuase they THINK its the right time. if hes not ready hes not ready, it could take 4 to 7 years for someone to finally be ready.
um whats the rush?
2007-12-13 20:07:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋