hi i have been married for the past 12 years and after a year of marriage i found out that he was wearing my under wear to get himself off and i thought it was just a thing and it would just go away but have just found out that he is doing it again and i am horrified that he is doing that he is not the man that i married and i can not look at him anymore it has hurt me in so many ways.for the people out there who think that what you are doing is not hurting anyone is just lying to them selfs and the longer you leave it to not tell them the more hurtful it is when they find out and believe me they will.as for me i really dont like the fact he kept it from me again and the fact that i cant trust him near my under wear and the fact that i have spent so much money to bye it then for him to take it and use it on himself really makes me sick to the stomach. but i cant leave him either.i am up in arms in what to do?or how to under stand it ?
2007-12-13 11:35:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not as bad as you make it seem. I know you are hurt, and he knows that you get upset from this,,, That's exactly why he's been keeping it secret... He's afraid of your reaction.
Okay, now your husband is a good man. His brain is hard wired so that when he wears woman's clothes, his brain releases some neurotransmitters which give him a sensation of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and self-identity. He cannot stop his brain from responding the way it does.
The way you can help your marriage is: (1) begin with open discussion. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you know he has tried to stop, but you understand that he can't..
(2) Tell him that he is never to use your under wear.. This makes you feel violated. (3) Help him purchase a couple pieces of woman's underwear for his own. (4) Set the terms and conditions that he can use his own woman's underwear...
Then you need to seek help from other women who have husbands who crossdress. I believe that you need a support group.
2007-12-13 12:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What he has is called a "fetish". It is not sick or dangerous as you describe. Some men just get turned on by these things. What you need to do is turn it to your advantage. Let him go out in public, if he doesn't already wearing your panties, with your knowledge. When you get home he will be ready, willing and about as horny as he can be.
Go shopping for panties that both of you can wear. Let him pick out what he likes.
There are a lot worse problems out there than a simple fetish. Maybe he likes the way they feel next to his skin, especially if you wear the silky kind. Or maybe he thinks of your P _ _ _ Y being in there and it turns him on being that close to it all the time. If that is the reason you should not be sickened you should be flattered. Whatever his reasoning, try to go with the flow and you might find he's ready to give you more sex than you've had in years.
2007-12-13 11:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is too late you should have left a long time ago I would almost guess you have kids?
That is why he is still around.
I have a store and many cross dressing men shop here and I am telling you 100% they hide it from thier wife and when they come in they even try to hide it from me saying they are buying a wig for a friend or something come on who buys a wig for a friend.
Anyway it is a matter of time before he may leave to live his life the way he wants without caring what people think.
If your his wife and you love him really from the bottom of your heart sit down and talk to him.
Tell him what you think why your still young enough to move on.
He will deny it at first but keep at him.
I would do a little snooping many of them have hidden suit cases like wigs, make-up ect.
There is gay bars that they go too.
Good luck
2007-12-13 11:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by lisalisa 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You should have 'stomped this problem on the head' when you had the chance many years ago. It is a weird, sick thing to do and I'm afraid to say that it really is your fault that the 'monster in your knickers' has returned.
Get him to see a shrink ASAP if you want your marriage to continue or else before somebody else finds out and you're the laughing stock of your circle of friends.
Just think eh! YOU could have stopped this 11 years ago!
2007-12-13 11:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Guys get themselves off all the time in multiple ways.. its all the testosterone and ultimately can't be helped!
You are being an uptight prude though and really need to get over it!
You're not saying that he is gay and it certainly isn't an indicator of him being so, so get the hell over it!
Why the hell would you spend heaps of money on undies anyway? Seriously, it's underware, you fart into them all day!
On another note, do you have any idea the way that silk feels on your privates, it is sublime (I can only assume that considering you say you spent so much on them they are silk).
You know, womans undies are actually made for comfort, mens are just made to fit, keep that in mind.
2007-12-13 11:43:06 · answer #5 · answered by Judo Chop 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He wears your chonnies to get off?
I think that if he wears them all the time because he prefers to wear them instead of his own is kinda strange for a guy,,,BUt I dont see why this is making you so horrified Hes your husband,,,if you love him then you should talk to him about it...
BUt anyways if hes ruining your chonnies because hes getting off on them then whatever,,thats not a big deal,,, but I would be pissed to have to keep buying new ones all the time because of his fetish....
Work it out,,, at least he not using your friends chonnies or your childrens ( if you have children ) ,,,seee it could always be weirder... : )
2007-12-13 11:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Chante O 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Maybe he called her Zorro because she`s a Foxy lady
2016-04-09 01:38:42 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has some problems that you can't solve for him, he has to solve for himself.
It sounds like he is curious about being trans-gender or a transvestite. Ask him about this, bring up the fact that you're concerned, and try to get him some counseling.
2007-12-13 11:44:52 · answer #8 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. I really don't know what to say. I wish you nothing but in strength in whatever decision you make.
2007-12-13 11:57:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
LOL!
Buy him his own panties if it bothers you that he wears yours! If that's the worst thing your husband has done in 12 years, you should be glad!
2007-12-13 11:46:07 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Sweet♥ 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋