I can't move anywhere else, they are living 75% of the time in the mountains so everything is fine most of the time BUT fiance is still attached I guess and when his dad asks him to come to the mountains for the weekend, it's done. I have no choice in the matter. Now that its the holidays, its worse. On thanksgiving, I went to my dads while he went to his sisters and they felt that I should have went with them even though I promised my dad first. Now it's Xmas and I told fiance I didn't want to go to the mountains but we're going since my family's parties are different days. Does this mean hes not ready for marriage if he doesnt want to spend a holiday alone with me?Also, I'm 20 wks preg. and want my kid to see my family too. How can I get the point across that my family isn't dead and isn't in another country and that seeing them is very important to me? I love him to death but I'm not ditching my whole life for him. What should I say and what should I do?
2007-12-13 11:22:11 · 16 answers · asked by templeowlchick06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's time to step up, and tell em' it's time to get your own place together.
2007-12-13 11:25:19 · answer #1 · answered by oilersguru 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose lit's just a technicality but if you're not married, they are not your in-laws. Now to the question at hand. Do not let these people or your people dictate where and when you will spend holidays.
I understand that moms and dads find it hard to let go but the sooner you take the reins of your life, the better. Be up front with them and your fiance and explain that you have a baby on the way and want to settle into a "home life" before the babe arrives.
They will be annoyed for awhile and may accuse you of trying to steal their baby boy, but stick to your guns.
Take it from someone who knows, life is to short to sweat the small stuff.
2007-12-13 19:37:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
And you made a bay FIRST BEFORE working out this problem why?
You work out something to where you can spend time with BOTH or one family at one holiday the other at another holiday.
Not ready for marriage?
Hmmmm he lives with you like you are married, has sex with you and makes babies with you like you are married yet not READY for marriage hmmmm.
Maybe women should,......... OH I DON'T KNOW , LEARN about these things BEFORE making babies?
Why did you pick a guy who is living off mommy and daddy to shack with instead of a REAL MAN who has his OWN place?
Honey thats the BEAUTY of shacking up! If the other person doesn't let you have your way 100% of the time thats the PERFECT excuse for the old "it isn't working" routine and giving her the dump.Work this out and get married already.
2007-12-13 19:56:34 · answer #3 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a dilemma in EVERY relationship when you are either living together or married. AND you ahve to remember, your parents AND his parents have gone through the SAME thing when they got together with their families. The ONLY thing you can do is "take turns" with families and explain to the family that is the way it HAS to be in order to keep the peace between everyone. It doesn't mean he can't let go...you'll both adjust to this but you need to discuss it and not let it turn into an argument. After this year, you'll probably have it all figured out. WE ALL WENT THROUGH IT.
2007-12-13 19:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need your own 'pad', now that a baby is due! The sooner the better. Talk to your man, tell exactly how you feel, and exactly what you want to happen. With a child looming you need to be in a settled environment way before the child is born. You need NO stressful 'crap' from your man or his family, so 'way to go' for sticking up for yourself.
COMMUNICATION is the key! Tell him its nice that he enjoys being with his family so much BUT its now time he left the nest to start his own family. YOU and your child SHOULD be his main priority, if he doesn't realise that then give him a kick in the 'nuts', that'll wake him up.
Good Luck!
2007-12-13 19:35:53 · answer #5 · answered by Badass 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sit down and tell him how you feel and if that doesn't work move out and get your own apartment. I understand there's a baby involved but if you and your fiance break up hopefully he will still be a father to his son or daughter. I wish you the best of luck:)
2007-12-13 19:29:55 · answer #6 · answered by LoveAlways 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well remember when a women is pregnant she is so emotional so it is hard to say anything to you right now you might bite my head off!
HA HA
Honey I know how you feel when your first married and together you want him all to yourself.
In a few years you will be wishing he was in those damn moutains!
HA HA
The best way to get a man to want to be around you is not to complain. Be sweet as pie and he will sure change who he wants to be around and who he does not.
You have to learn the tricks of a women.
You always attract more bee's with honey!
Good luck
2007-12-13 19:27:37 · answer #7 · answered by lisalisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to set him and down and talk to him about it..what most couples do is alternate years, maybe this year you will go to his parents and next year youll go to yours or christmas you will go to yours and next holiday his..you need to expolain this to him..have you tried or not?? I dont think it means he isnt ready maybe he is just used to always being with his family..the way you need to say it is like you said it to us explain to him that it is important for you to see your family for some holidays and ask him if he would be open to coming up with a plan, if he isnt open to it let him know it is very important to you and if he doesnt want to then you will go by yourself because you want to see your family..good luck
2007-12-13 19:30:24 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him. Tell him you feel like the holiday's are always a one-sided street, with you going to his families. Suggest that you either take turns each year with different holiday's. After all that's what's fair.
2007-12-13 19:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by jay k 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Number one, they're not your in laws as you are not married. You're just pregnant with their son's child and you are living with their son. If you want to have a say in your situation you need to move in with your own family rather than allowing everyone else call the shots for you.
2007-12-14 03:00:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you really need to just tell him , bc, if you dont you will find your self falling out of love with him and arguing about it alot, need to get this solved before the little one arrives , and he has his own family now , really try to work on it , sounds like he will love his child, mabey he is a little scared , and needs his family , things might be going to fast for him , but you need your family too in this time , and most of all you need him to be suportive of you , and what you want now.
2007-12-13 19:33:38 · answer #11 · answered by LSU Fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋