im pregnant with my first and i am not living with the father (i just moved out). we are still dating but my family wants me to ditch him and get sole custody right away because he has 2 other kids with 2 different moms and isnt the most financially stable, plus hes 15years older than me. i want to continue the relationship bcz he promises to get finances fixed. if we end it i want to have a joint custody with an agreement where the child lives with me and visits with his father. what should i do?
2007-12-13 11:18:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my family is not going to ever accept him either if i get back together with him. but he says he wants the baby to have a good family and we have to tough it out during the rough times...i just dont know if its the best idea
2007-12-13 12:00:56 · update #1
he has custody of one of his kids and no he doesnt come home drunk or do drugs or anything like that. the relationship is fairly good otherwise. he jus has screwed up so much in the past that i dont want him to screw my life up 2
2007-12-13 12:25:56 · update #2
Honesty...
The best advise I can give you is to give this child up for adoption so it can live in a loving, two parent home.
Doesn't your child deserve the best?
Good luck.
2007-12-13 11:24:10 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Family always has an opinion about a partner but only you can decide if staying with him is the right thing for you.
Ultimately, even if his financial situation is not ideal, this shouldn't mean that he shouldn't be able to see your child. Getting sole custody not only denies the father of knowing his child but of the child never knowing their father. Please think this through carefully. If your baby's father has promised that he will attempt to get his finances fixed, give him a chance but also give him a time frame. If it seems he isn't trying to fix things, then you need to ask yourself if he is ever going to be able to do as he promises.
That being said, money isn't everything. If you can live a life where you have a roof over your head and your child never goes without having a meal in their tummy, if the electricity is working and you have a phone (even if you just need it for emergencies), if you can school your child and clothe your child then you have all the essentials and anything else is a bonus. Love makes the world go round, not dollar bills.
Joint custody is fair for all if you decide to end the relationship as long as your child would be safe in your partner's/ex partner's care.
Age also isn't everything if you love each other.
Talk a lot. Give the guy a chance to get his situation fixed. Listen to your heart and accept what your family wants you to do as advice that you can take or leave. They are probably worried about you and wants what is best for you but it is your life. You are going to be a mother soon and need to stand up on your own two feet and make your own decisions.
Go with your gut feeling and good luck. I hope everything works out the way you wish it to. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and congratulations. :)
2007-12-13 11:38:24 · answer #2 · answered by Onyx ♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope you didn't move out just because he has two kids with two other moms...how is the rest of the relationship? Must not be too great, I assume.
Anyways, your parents are right in a way, but file joint custody. The kids deserve to know their daddy and give mom some off time. The guys hasn't cheated or beat you up right? he doesn't come home drunk and drugged out of his mind right? Why parents treating him as such?
Is he fairly respectful to them?
Well, file joint and see if he cleans up his life financially. With you there, he probably won't work as hard. Good your family loves you, but just cause this man lay his seed into other places, doesn't mean he shouldn't get any rights to his children.
How is this man in caring for his other children.
2007-12-13 12:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither parent often gets sole custody. because of the fact of this you are the only occasion with parental rights to the baby. it extremely is extra often than not reserved for situations wherein the different parent isn't worth. As in abusive of the baby. maximum moms and dads share joint custody. Custody concerns are going to be addressed over the direction of the divorce lawsuits. often, you and your spouse will first attempt to come lower back to an settlement, possibly by ability of a mediator. If that isn't attainable, the court docket clerk or choose will elect who has placement (often Mon-Fri) and who has visitation (often weekend visits). All of that aside, your subject is unique and your association will variety based upon multiple situations. which incorporate artwork schedules, the place you reside on the undertaking of the baby's "residing house" and faculty, and so on.
2016-10-11 05:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mother who raised my daughter alone--sole custody--I definitely agree with your parents!! That creep will never follow-through on his responsibilities AND, furthermore, he'll never follow-through on regular child visitations!!!! LET ALONE, financial responsibilty!!!! Another thing is why would you want a totally irresponsible person to be in your child's life? If the child becomes the least bit attached to him, the creep will continually disappoint your child!!! YOU KNOW THAT!! DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO GO THROUGH THE SAME HEART-BREAKING EXPERIENCE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-13 11:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by Martell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm siding with the family on this one...You should really really think about getting married to a guy like this...Doesn't sound like he really wants to try at anything, only tell you what you want to hear. Maybe you should concentrate on yourself now and not worry about being in a relationship....You are going to have two of you to worry about and sounds like you would need your family more than you would need this guy....Besides sounds like your family would be able to help you out and support you with your new child more than this guy....What is the family going to be like if you decide to be with him?? And do you think you are going to feel free in a marriage with this guy, meaning that you will not be controlled or feel trapped? Think about it...
2007-12-13 11:36:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
questions like this make me want to beat my head on the table.
you will not get sole custody unless he signs off on it. joint custody is the rule for the most part.
2007-12-13 11:26:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the child deserves to be raised by BOTH parents. Regardless if you are a couple or not.
joint custody.
2007-12-13 12:10:11 · answer #8 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your 15 years younger and he has two kids by two different women, I would give him full custody and move on with my life!
What was his behaivor with his other kids because that is how he will be with yours no one is special.
Give him the kid see your kid and move on with your life go to school or something.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-12-13 11:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by lisalisa 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if your not married to him . you already have sole coustody.. unwed fathers have few rights.. some states they have no rights... my bf is going through that right now.. he never married the mother of his children and she has 100% say in what the children do.. she can keep them from him as long as she wants to.. or let him see them if she feels like it.. but he must pay childsupport...
2007-12-13 11:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by vis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋